Timing is Everything

Today is November 8, 2011.  9 years ago today I was at home in Arizona instead of in Columbus, Ohio.  9 years ago today I watched my last roommate get married.  9 years ago today a guy I was kind of/sort of seeing turned 30.  9 years ago today I accepted an invitation from a girl I'd met through my 2nd job to hang out with her and her friends.  9 years ago today I first met the man who I would eventually share a last name with, who would become the father of my children, and who I thank God for every day.  9 years ago today I met my husband.

******

Saturday night my husband and I attended church where the pastor preached the first in a series on Jonah.  Our pastor pointed out that, like Jonah, we've all tried to run away from God and do things our own way. The message reminded me of a time in my life where I'd tried doing things my way, felt beaten down inside, and ran back to God crying out, "Ok, I'm DONE.  I'm tired of all of this. I'm tired of fighting.  I'm tired of running. I'm just DONE. I've tried doing things my way and I've screwed up.  I give up!  You were right! Please forgive me!"  Sunday morning my facebook status (and a follow up comment) read:

So much to be thankful for today. In light of last night's message [at church] I am going to praise God for the grace and mercy He showed me Monday, November 4, 2002 when I was a passenger on a Southwest flight from Nashville. I was done running and sick of screwing things up by trying to do them my way. In His perfect grace He welcomed me home.  Interestingly enough on Friday, November 8, 2002 I attended my roommate's wedding and then went miniature golfing with a friend who invited me to "tag along" with her and friends from her church. One of her friends was [my husband]. 

******

I made the decision to follow Jesus my freshman year of college while I was attending a Christian school.  After graduation, I started working as a flight attendant and had started making compromises. I began distancing myself from my friends who I knew would "call me out" for my behavior.  I was stuck in a weird middle ground where I was "too Christian" for my work friends, but not "Christian enough" for my other friends.  Every once in awhile I would try to start "living right", but eventually I'd slowly start stumbling again.  2002 was one of those years I was stumbling along.

Off and on, throughout 2002 I had been seeing a guy, "Mike", who lived in Columbus, Ohio and worked for the same airline I did.  We'd see each other if I was in town. It wasn't a relationship-it was just convenient.   Mike wasn't really that nice to me and he had stood me up a few times.  I had vowed several times I wasn't going back to Columbus and if I did I wasn't going to call him.  I never kept either promise to myself.  Mike didn't make empty promises or try to win me over with smooth words.  Really, my attraction to him was that he paid attention to me.  Nothing else.  We didn't have much in common and he ridiculed me for my faith.  The fact I kept calling him when I was in town, despite these things, is evidence of what a bad place I was in.

Mike's 30th birthday was coming up on Friday, November 8 and he didn't have plans.  I had about 10 days off and came up with the idea that I'd fly out to see him.  The problem with my plan was I had several commitments during my time off, including a trip to Nashville to visit a friend and my roommate's wedding the night of his birthday.  Mike hadn't invited me out to see him, but I had decided I was going to back out of my commitments and I invited myself to Ohio.  (Yes, I was planning on skipping my roommate's wedding to see this not-so-nice-to-me-guy).

I don't even remember how it started, but I distinctly remember reading my Bible and journaling on the Southwest flight home from Nashville.  By the time my flight landed in Phoenix I had been changed.  I had laid everything at the feet of Jesus and had cried out to God (literally and figuratively) for His help. Though I had tried to "start over" several times during my years as a flight attendant this day was different.  I cried out to God like I hadn't ever before.  Instead of just hoping this time was different I KNEW it was.  This time I knew I was different.  I was going to live how God wanted me to.  I was going to leave guys like Mike in my past and move forward.

I fulfilled my commitments in Arizona Tuesday and Thursday of that week.  On Friday, November 8, I was preparing for my roommate's wedding when a girl, "Lisa", I had met as a customer at my second job invited me to go out to dinner with her and her friends.  Lisa told me they were meeting at 7.  My roommate's wedding ceremony started at 7.  Lisa had invited me out with her friends several times before, but I had always been out of town.  This time I was in town and didn't want to decline Lisa's invitation, but I wanted to attend the wedding.    I told Lisa I'd already planned on skipping the reception because I didn't know anybody and she suggested I give her a call after the ceremony because they would probably do something after dinner.

******

The man I share this life with is one of Lisa's friends I met that night.   I sometimes wonder what my life would've been like had I gone to Columbus for Mike's 30th birthday, instead of staying in Arizona for my roommate's wedding.   God's perfect timing amazes me.  Lisa had invited me to hang out with her friends several times before that night, but the timing never worked. The conversation I had with God on that Southwest flight changed me and my perspective on future dating relationships (I had no idea that my next one would also be my last).

One November evening in 2002 God introduced me to a man who had waited 36 years for his wife to be ready.  I finally was.

The Voice of Experience

In last night's blog I wrote part of what I would say to me at 16.   Before I wrote last night's entry, I had seen that same question on a forum I belong to and had asked it on my facebook page.   I saw several answers to that question, ranging from the funny to the serious.  Every response I had read was from a woman who is now in her 30's, 40's, or 50's.  These friends (some of whom I only "know" online) vary in socioeconomic status, race and religion. 

As I read the responses of women in my life, whose age and experience is varied, I noticed a common theme in their answers.  From my unscientific research I noticed the biggest message these women had for their younger selves was: He's not worth it.

I thought that was interesting and profound.  I know when we're in high school it seems like our friends, and the relationships we have, are the most important thing in the world.  I know when we're in high school we think these relationships are going to "last forever".  As teenage girls we believe him when he tells us he loves us.  We think the boy who asked us to prom is "the one" we'll be with forever.  Basically, we think he feels the same way about us as we do about him.

The "it" my friends referred to wasn't always about sex, but sometimes they just wanted their younger self to know the boy they are "in love with" at 16 isn't worth the emotions, the drama, the feeling of being liked, etc. that they thought it was at the time.  I didn't date in high school (not by choice, I just was never asked out), but I know what it's like to be in my 20's and be so lonely that I would go out with anybody who asked.  I know what it's like to compromise my standards and convictions because I wanted to be loved (I would've even settled for being liked . . .).  I know what it's like to turn a blind eye to smooth talking and to believe the words he was saying because I wanted them to be true.

I started thinking about this post as I was writing last night.  This morning a wise woman wrote on her facebook page, "Dear teenage girls: Cinderella didn't need to take off her dress to get her Prince Charming, and neither do you!" 

To all my friends who are where I was--whether you're 13, 16, 26 or older . . . . He's not worth it until God has ordained it.  It sounds cliche, and it's hard to quantify, but you'll know when it's right.  The Bible says "Love is not self seeking".  When you are loved by a man who truly loves you, you'll be amazed and surprised at what love looks like.  Love won't look like empty promises, smooth words or pressure like "If you truly loved me you'd . . . "



P.S. Girls, of all the couples I knew in high school, only ONE is still married to a person they dated at 16.  Several got married straight out of school, but only ONE got their happily ever after . . .

Dear You at 16:

Though I didn't hear it myself, I heard from friends that there was a question on the radio today that asked, "If you could go back and talk to yourself at 16 what would you say?"  I saw the question on a forum and then asked it on my facebook page.  I made a few observations that I'll write about later, but for now here's (part of)* my letter:

Dear Heidi:
High school has been pretty rough for you, hasn't it? I know you are concerned about your weight. I know you wonder what's wrong with you and why nobody's asking you out. I know you think you're ugly and that you wish you looked like the other girls at school. I know finding real friends has been a struggle for you.  I know you feel like you don't fit in.  I know you're waking up in the middle of the night crying your eyes out for hours at a time, without knowing why you're doing it.

I know you think Mom and Dad are too strict. Maybe they are, but they're strict because they love you. Yes, you're a bit sheltered, but you know what? That's not the worst thing in the world. In fact, you will become a strict parent, too. Having rules and boundaries at 16 may seem like a drag, but it won't take you too long to figure out you were better off not doing the things you were wanting to. At 35 you'll have less regrets than most people you know. Regrets are one thing it's always best to have few of.

I promise things will get better for you.  Who you are at 16 is NOT who you are for life. Heck, the person you see in the mirror right now is not who you will be in 2 years.  These years are a part of your story, but they aren't your entire story.  There will be a time, in the not too distant future, where you're going to have a hard time remembering the things that seem so important to you right now.  As important as it seems like high school is, it's not.  College is where you'll form friendships you have for life and it's where you'll grow in to your own.

You will go away to college and form amazing friendships that will last a lifetime. 3 years from now you won't even know where your high school friends are living, but your roommate from your freshman year of college will straighten the train of your wedding dress and be one of the first people you call when your children are born.

When you get to college you'll be able to "start over" and truly be who you are, without anybody elses' expectations.  You will struggle, but you will become stronger than you ever thought you could be.  After a few rough years, and some big mistakes, you will come out on the other side with a strength and independence that only comes from experience.

There will be some amazing people that come into your life.  Pay attention and listen to their wisdom.  Don't blow off those who are older than you who are trying to tell you what they wished they knew at your age.  With age comes perspective and experience.  You may not think their words apply to you, but later on you'll think, "She was right . . . "

Though you can't see it now, things turn out very well for you.  In fact, they'll turn out better than you can possibly imagine.  You will get married to an amazing guy and have great kids.  It may not happen as early as you wanted thought it would, but the right guy is DEFINITELY worth the wait and you will never regret your decision to marry him.  In your circle of friends you may feel like an "old maid" for not walking down the aisle until you were 27, but it's a lot less time than the 37 years your husband waited to say, "I do" (and 27 isn't that old . . .)

Life is GREAT at 35! Enjoy the ride . . .

Love,
You

P.S.  You are much better looking in your 30's than you were at 16 . . .





What would your letter to yourself say?


*Considering I'm posting this on the internet there are some things I omitted because they are best not said in the public domain . . .

Twist on Tomatoes

First off . . . the title of this blog is fully credited to my friend, Lauren.  Secondly, this is NOT a food/cooking blog so I'm not entirely sure how I find myself writing about food AGAIN, but here I am . . . .

I'm not a chef.  I'm not even a really good cook.  I'm just a Mom who has to put dinner on the table every night.  I run out of ideas fairly quickly and I love my Funky Freezer Girls group, who make it easy to serve my family a homemade meal every night.

Tonight was leftover night at my house.  I realized after dinner last night that we had a lot of leftovers in the fridge, so I told warned my husband we'd be having leftovers tonight.  I ended up grabbing a handful of grape tomatoes out of the package and gave them to the kids as their side.  As I was washing the tomatoes I noticed that they were starting to turn.  I'm a huge proponent of "waste not/want not" so I tried to figure out what to do with about a pound of grape tomatoes before they went bad. I started thinking and vaguely remember something about roasting tomatoes.  I also wondered if that's how a "real Italian" would turn fresh tomatoes in to tomato sauce . . .

I did a quick search for "roasting grape tomatoes" and found several pages of recipes. While my husband was helping the kids get ready for bed I lined a cookie sheet with foil.  I spread out the remaining tomatoes.  I added all the garlic I had on hand (about 11 cloves), covered everything with olive oil and then sprinkled on salt and pepper.   In true Heidi fashion I didn't measure anything.  I preheated the oven to 425 and then stuck the cookie sheet of tomatoes and garlic inside.  I set the timer for 35 minutes.  About 10-15 minutes in my husband heard "popping" in the oven and opened the door, only to be greeted by smoke.  By then I was helping our son brush his teeth and my husband told me, "You're cleaning the oven after whatever you're doing in there".  Because I'm lazy and HATE to clean I went and pulled the cookie sheet out of the oven.  I poured any and all "loose" olive oil into a bowl.  I turned the oven to 275 and went back to helping with the bed time routine.

Once the kids were in bed I pulled my roasted tomato/garlic combination out of the oven and scraped it into my food processor.   Once the tomatoes turned into sauce I tasted some and . . . I swear I heard angels singing.

This is the first time I have EVER been THRILLED about something this amazing that I just threw together.  WOW!  I was really regretting the plate of leftovers I had just consumed because I could sit and eat that sauce straight out of the bowl all night. AMAZING!!!  I don't have words to describe the pure ecstasy I felt while tasting it.

Because my husband and I don't have a baby-sitter we don't have date nights. We might go out to dinner a couple times a year, but it's generally a quick meal out and we're home within 2 hours of leaving.  To compensate for our lack of "dates" I occasionally cook a really nice dinner for us after the kids go to bed.  I already told hubby that we're having a date night in tomorrow night.  I'm going to cook some pasta for this sauce and we're going to ENJOY!

I don't really have a recipe to pass on and I don't know if I'll ever be able to re-create the incredible sauce I made tonight, but I guarantee I'll be heading to Costco soon to buy a HUGE batch of tomatoes and several heads of garlic to make sauce and freeze, in hopes I'm able to replicate tonight's perfection!

Saving Time and Money

I'm not Martha Stewart and I don't claim to be anything other than a Domestic Diva Wannabe, but last night I was having a conversation with a friend on facebook about ways to save time and money, when it comes to making dinner.

My friend works fulll time and has a 2 year old.  By the time she gets home from work she has about 90 minutes to make dinner, eat dinner and then get her daughter in bed. My position in life is a bit different because I stay at home with my two kids, but I still don't want to spend any more time doing prep work than I have to since I have two "helpers" underfoot and nobody to keep them busy while I'm cooking.  Also, I'm just lazy.

During our brainstorming session here are a few of the things we discussed:

Doing prep work once

*Does your recipe call for only half of an onion? Cut up the entire onion, stick the unused half in the freezer and save for later. 

*Are you marinating meat to put on the grill tonight? Make a double batch of marinade.  Use one batch tonight and fill a ziploc with the other half, stick the meat in it and freeze.  When you go to defrost the meat later it'll already be marinated and ready to cook. This is one of my favorite marinades and I almost always have it in my freezer.

Freeze fruits and veggies when they're on sale

*This goes along with only doing prep work once.  My kids LOVE to snack on red bell peppers.  This year I have been able to buy them in season for 3 for $1. Out of season the same peppers cost at least $1.50/each.  When they're in season, and on sale, I buy about 10-15 peppers and then slice them.  I spread the sliced peppers onto a cookie sheet and freeze.  Once solid I transfer the peppers into a ziploc bag.  Later I can reach in and grab my kids a couple to snack on or throw them into a recipe like fajitas or soup.

*I use this same method with berries.  I wash the berries and spread them on a cookie sheet to freeze.  I slice strawberries before freezing, but leave blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries whole.  Once frozen I put them in a ziploc.  Later I use the frozen berries to make smoothies for my kids or to add to hot oatmeal.

Cook in bulk

*I cook 5-6 chicken breasts at a time. We'll eat two for dinner that night and then I dice the others and freeze them in single serve portions so I can add the meat later to soups, chilis, enchilladas, salads, pasta, etc. In addition to the time savings of having pre-cooked chicken on hand, I'm saving money because I'm able to buy when meat is on sale and I'm only using the electricity to heat my oven once. I am also saving time because I'm only having to do dishes once.

*As one of the original members of the Funky Freezer Girls I am a huge fan of freezer cooking.  You don't have to do Once A Month Cooking or be part of an exchange group in order to make your life easier using your freezer.  If you make your own pasta sauce, make a double batch and freeze half by putting it in a ziploc bag and lying it flat in your freezer until frozen.  If you make enchilladas, lasagna, or another casserole that goes in an 9x13 pan place the recipe in 2 8x8 pans.  Stick one pan in the oven for dinner that night and the other in the freezer for later.  The night before you're going to have your freezer meal, put it in the fridge to defrost and pop it in the oven after work. 


This is, in no way, a comprehensive list, but I pray it'll help you get the creative juices flowing in ways that you can save yourself time, stress and money.  Just because you don't have time to cook doesn't mean you have to eat out or eat processed food!

Jesus chose HIM!?!?

This summer my church issued a "100 Day Challenge" where they challenged everyone to read one chapter of the Bible a day and journal using the SOAP method.  The SOAP method consists of journaling a key Scripture that God used to speak to you, writing an Observation about that passage, writing an Application of that Scripture and concluding with a Prayer about it.   I was very excited about this because, without knowing it, I developed a similar method over the years for myself when doing my quiet time.  Unfortunately, I fell behind early in the game and have yet to catch up.  Because God is who He is, He has used my laziness and spoke to me exactly at the right time, even though it's not on the "schedule" the church suggests.  

Last month I had a very rough night where some friendship issues I'd been dealing with for awhile got the best of me and I ended up in the bathroom crying over a stranger/sister in Christ.  The next morning I read Matthew 10 and was wondering, "What verse am I going to journal about because none are 'popping out' at me?"  (I am very task oriented and I WAS going to write about something doggoneit).   I decided I would write about the calling of the disciples where Matthew writes "These are the names of the twelve apostles: first, Simon (who is called Peter) and his brother Andrew; James son of Zebedee, and his brother John; Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus; Simon the Zealot and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him"

What sticks out of me is that description of Judas.  Matthew wrote, "Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him"  I thought about that for a minute and wondered, "Why would Jesus intentionally choose Judas as an apostle when He knew that Judas was going to betray Him?  That's weird.  Why would He invest himself in someone like that and allow that person to be in his inner circle? "  I was completely stumped and confused.  I guarantee if I were choosing people to invest my life in and teach I wouldn't pick someone I knew was going to hand me over to those who wanted me killed.

Coming off the hurt I'd recently been experiencing (and less than 12 hours after I was crying all over a stranger in the ladies room) I realized, "Jesus knows what it's like to be betrayed by a friend!"  I immediately remembered Hebrews 4:15, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin."  Before I could fully process that, God continued to speak to me through this passage and I realized that Jesus knows that, as a mere human, I will betray him in my lifetime and He still loves me, has chosen me (Not the time to discuss Calvinism and predestination) and has invested in me.  Wow.  I'm really not that much different than Judas, am I?

The more I thought about this passage, and this new lesson God is teaching me, the more I realized I need to approach my relationships the same way Jesus did: Even though Jesus knew Judas was going to fail Him Jesus loved him anyway. Even though I may fail my friends, and they may fail me (we're all human, after all) we need to love each other anyway . . .

You Think You Know Someone

It's been nearly 9 years since I first met my husband, and over 7 years since the March evening we got married.  I like to think I know my husband pretty well and that I'm no longer surprised or impressed by anything he says does.  I've always admired and respected his loyalty to his friends.  I've known he is a man of amazing character and strength.  I've known that there is nothing my husband wouldn't do for someone he loves. As his wife, and the mother of his children, I have seen my husband be our family's fiercest protector and our biggest champion.  This week I saw how far he would go to help a friend . . .

Since I met my husband I've known he's had a friend since 3rd grade.  Though they have lived in separate states their entire adult lives, these two men have remained close and have "done life" together for nearly 40 years.  These friends, whose friendship was formed on an elementary school playground, are now 45 and have seen each other through girlfriends, breakups, marriages, a divorce, re-marriage, the birth of their children, sick siblings, etc. 

Tuesday morning we got word that this friend's mom had passed away in their hometown, 200 miles from where we live.  Upon hearing the news of Mrs. M's passing, my husband called his boss and took the rest of the week off to be available to his friend.  Over the past few days I have seen just how far my husband will go to do whatever he can to help his hurting friend and I am incredibly proud to be his wife.  While his friend began the grieving process my husband was by his side, just as he has been for years, and like he will be for the rest of their lives.

I got home last night to find this posted on my facebook wall from our friend's wife : "The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. "  ~ Elisabeth Foley

The truth is my husband doesn't see his actions over the past few days as anything special, but I think that's what makes him even more remarkable. In this day and age it's rare to find friends and friendships that last decades and remain strong.  Have I mentioned how proud I am to be married to this man?

What Love Looks Like

In my younger (single) days I believed love looked like a romantic comedy.  My love would be captivated by me at first sight, would sweep me off my feet, bring me flowers, rub my feet and listen intently to all my stories.  My love and I would never fight and would laugh at how petty our disagreements were (because, really, we didn't have any . . . )

At 35 I've been married for over 7 years and my view of love looks quite different from the Hollywood fantasy I was fed as young woman.

What love looks like to me these days:

Love looks like a husband taking a sick day to help with the kids because the 9mo old was regularly waking 2-3x/night and the 2.5yr old was regularly waking 1-2x/night leaving a tired Mommy curled up in the fetal position crying on the couch.

Love looks like a husband trading cars for the day to get the emissions test done on his lunch hour so that his wife didn't have to try to get it inspected while trying to wrangle a 2yr old and 4yr old in a glass cube with only about 4 square feet of floor space.

Love looks like a Daddy who tucks the kids into bed at night while Mommy collapses on the couch

Love looks like a husband who surprises his wife with tickets to a woman's conference she wanted to go to, but didn't think they could afford for her to attend

Love looks like a friend who drops everything, takes 3 days of vacation time, and drives several hundred miles across the desert to support a friend whose mom has just passed away

Love looks like a friend who drives over 60 miles round trip, with her two kids, to bring you your favorite Starbucks coffee and helps wrangle your kids and your nephew for an afternoon after your sister is in a car accident so you can clean house for family members who are arriving for your son's birthday party the same week.

Love looks like a nice home cooked meal and "date night in" so you don't have to find room in the budget to pay a baby-sitter and an expensive restaurant meal

Love looks like a freezer full of food made by friends so that you don't have to cook for the first few days after having a baby

Love looks like a perfect Man who paid a debt He did not owe for those who could never repay Him . . .

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him sall not perish, but have eternal life.  For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him"  John 3:16,17

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us"  Romans 5:8

The love I've come to know won't make millions at the box office, but it's more romantic than anything Hollywood could ever dream up . . .

What does love look like to you?

Living to the Hilt!

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1



Last night I came home from church and wrote about what is most valuable and promised I'd continue to write about what I heard last night and what God has been teaching me this summer about the importance of "little things" in our life

The pastor has daughters who are in elementary school and, during the sermon, he mentioned a conversation he'd had with this admin about the importance of being at his daughters' first day of school this year, even though they weren't entering Kindergarten.  Essentially the pastor's assistant reminded him that the first day of school is important to his daughters and isn't something he should miss.

The pastor also told of how some of the most meaningful conversations he's had with his daughters have been during another activity and when he hadn't "planned on them".  He said that if he'd been too busy to spend that time with them, he would've missed out on those conversations and opportunities.  I thought about my own life and the times I've said "Not right now" or "I'm busy" to my own kids when they've asked to read a book, play a game, or even watch TV with them.  I confess there are countless times that I've begged off of these activities because Candy Land and Special Agent Oso aren't high on my list of entertainment sources.

I've been trying to be better about doing things my kids enjoy, even when it's not something I enjoy or I'm "busy", but last night reminded me again how important that is.  I switched the tables and started thinking about how I'd feel if my husband continually refused to do activities I enjoy, just because they're not his favorites.  I'm 35 years old and have enough experience to know that there are other things "more important" than just sitting on the couch with me watching HGTV, but I still get disappointed when he's doing other activities and not just being with me.  I realized that for my young kids it's even MORE important to them that they know I'm willing to drop everything and show them how important they are to me by doing the "little things" with them.

During the sermon the pastor showed the following quote from Jim Elliot: "Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God".  This is another area where I confess my failure because when I do "give in" and play Candy Land I'm often thinking about the laundry I need to do, wondering if anybody has responded to my facebook status, etc. I think I'm doing a "good job" because I take my kids to the park to play with their friends, while I'm sitting on the bench talking to my girlfriends. The more I think about it, those activities are things they enjoy, but I'm not doing it with them we're spending more time interacting with our friends than we are with each other. I'm learning that I'm not always "all there" and the truth is that, during this season of my life, the will of God is for me to be a wife and a mom.

Instead of planning "quality time" and thinking that's all I need to do for my kids to know their importance in my life I'm going to focus more on the "little things" every day that show them they are important to me.  Outings and family trips are great, but they're less meaningful if the message most other days is "I'm too busy for you . . . "

This week I have challenged myself to make it a priority to do the activities my kids ask me to do, when they ask me to do it AND to be fully present during those activities.

What's Most Valuable?

"Time is the most valuable thing that we have, because it is the most irrevocable"--Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Letters and Papers from Prison)

I just returned from a church service where the pastor taught on the small things in life and how important they are.  God really spoke to me in the message, and I'm anticipating writing several blogs just on what I heard tonight because the sermon spoke exactly to where I am and some of the things God has been working on me with for the past several months. 

My son just turned 5 and my daughter will be 3 this month.  The wallpaper on our computer rotates through all of our pictures and lately there have been  A LOT from my childrens' infancy. I get a bit wistful when I look at pictures from they day they were born and their baby days because I know they are days I'll never get back.  These pictures are a daily reminder of how quickly the time has already gone, and how fast it will continue to go.  Several years ago I heard a quote that has become my mantra, "The days are long, but the years are short."

I have caught myself wishing the days away and looking forward to when the kids are off at school all day and I'm able to accomplish tasks (like going to the bathroom!) by myself, but then I remember the words of friends whose children are older that tell me to enjoy these years.  I confess I'm not a perfect parent and I yell too much.  There are definitely days with my strong-willed first born that I am not enjoying him and am looking forward to the time when I have a break from the constant battles we face.  That same little boy has an incredibly tender spirit that melts my heart (when he's not having a meltdown).  My son is definitely a lot like me and he's a cuddler, so the moments when we're not fighting and he's curled up in my lap are the times I just wish I could stop time.  In those moments I ask him, "Can you just stay this age forever?"

Because my son's birthday is less than 2 weeks before the school cut-off date for our district my husband and I decided while I was pregnant with him that we would start him in Kindergarten when he was 6, instead of having him barely make the cut-off and start school when he's 5.   This is the last year I have at home with my son before he goes off to Kindergarten all day and I'm trying to savor every moment knowing that once he starts school our days spent building forts, taking trips to the zoo, cuddling under a blanket watching movies, etc. are going to change.

I confess I've "given away" a lot of time during these precious years I won't get back.  I've been busy at church, I've spent too much time on the computer, I've run errands until I dropped, I've scheduled play dates on days we don't have anything else going, etc.  Recently a friend brought to my attention that kids spell love T-I-M-E and that it's not about the "quality" as much as it's about the "quantity" of time I spend with them.  As a result, I have cut way back on my commitments at church and my other activities because right now my most important ministry is that of Mom to my little ones.   In 20 years my kids won't know or care that I was on 5 committees or that I was on "leadership" at church, but they'll (hopefully) remember that I tucked them in every night, I played silly games with them, etc.   Even if my kids don't remember I know I will . . .

(to be continued . . . )

A Facebook Food Explosion!

Two weeks ago I wrote a blog on the healing power of food.  At the time I wrote it I thought God had taught me what I needed to know in that area.  (You can stop laughing now).  As with all things, the minute I think I have it figured out God shows me how much more I have to learn.   While I've been continuing to process this new found passion and lesson, He has continued to show me how great of a need there is for the power of a home cooked meal.

The day I wrote my last blog I saw a recipe on the Food Tidings facebook page where they said, "This would make a great freezer meal".  I posted a comment about our group, as well as links to our group and my blog.  I am familiar with Food Tidings because our MOPS group has used them for use to coordinate meals for families after the birth of a baby.

A few days after I posted my comment I got a message from Lisa, the co-founder of Food Tidings, asking more about our group.  The e-mail conversation I had with Lisa became a story Food Tidings blog.  The Funky Freezer Girls facebook page added several new friends as a result of that post and Jackie and I were left saying "Wow, God!"   I was energized by those events and was convinced that we'd just seen a glimpse of what God was going to do with Jackie's "crazy little idea".

On Friday, August 26 I saw on my Facebook news feed that a friend "liked" a group called Crock Pot Girls.  The "girls" had about 25,000 "likes" at that time and I was amazed they'd only been on Facebook since Friday, August 19!

After I liked the group I wrote on their wall telling them how excited I was about the idea because some of the most loved meals in our group are crock pot meals.  I shared the FFG Facebook page and by Saturday afternoon we had 1000 likes!  We're up over 2200 likes and my little dream is becoming a reality as groups are starting to form in several cities!

The Crock Pot Girls are seriously exploding on the internet and these 3 MOPS moms who started the site for their family and friends are having their world rocked.  In the time it's taken me to write this they're up over 25k "likes" and, at this rate, will pass 500k within the hour! WOW! ONLY GOD could do something this amazing and this incredible.

As I've been cheering on Crock Pot Girls, and have been watching a friend help them with marketing and media relations, I've been thinking about what has made them such a phenomenon.   I think it comes back to the fact that there is healing power in food and, at the end of the day, we all want to feed our families good, healthy food.  Sitting around the table and sharing a meal with our families is about so much more than filling our stomachs--it's about feeding our souls, strengthening relationships and taking the time to slow down.  Ok, I'm sure part of the popularity of Crock Pot Girls might have to do with the fact there are thousands of crock pots collecting dust in kitchens across America because everyone's got one, but not all of us know what to do with it, but I prefer to think of the Crock Pot Girls as a ministry that is being used to bring families together.

The Crock Pot Girls, Funky Freezer Girls and Food Tidings are all groups started by women and are about helping others provide home cooked meals. Three different groups, but at their root all these groups are grounded in the power of food.  (I've also noticed these groups are all born out of churches and/or mom's groups . . . I don't think that's a coincidence, either).

Instead of thinking I've got this whole "power of food" thing down I'm realizing that I'm just beginning to glimpse the power of food for the nourishment of our souls.  Judging by what's happening on Facebook this week I think the world is starting to realize it, too . .

The Healing Power of Food

Life has been fairly hectic here, not leaving much time for blogging, no matter how much I enjoy it.  I've had a list going of the things I've been wanting to write about, but God hijacked those today and led me to what is becoming an overwhelming passion of mine . . . the healing power of food.

After the Funky Freezer Girls got started I had a dream.  In the past year I have seen firsthand how much it means for hurting families to have a homecooked meal during their struggle.   This spring I read The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity by Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician, wife and mom.  I wish I could type out the entire 3 pages of a story Dr. Meeker relates in the book about the power of food in a section entitled, "Food is Friendship" because it is so powerful and touches me in a profound way. In one of my favorite passages from the book, Dr. Meeker writes about WHY we feel the need to take care of others through food:

For many of us mothers, feeding people is our love language.  When we are too intimidated to express our feelings, particularly when sadness is involved, we resort to casseroles.  Bake chicken, cut up carrots, and roll out pie dough.  These are the hand motions of a friend who longs to soothe a mother's broken heart.  And somehow, miraculously they do (pg 28)

Dr. Meeker goes on to to tell the story of the power of food and friendship in the lives of two women, Beth and Lisa.  Lisa's husband was dying of cancer, leaving her with small children and Beth cooked for their family throughout his illness.  Dr. Meeker lets Beth tell the story :

"During those last days, we went to the grocery store a lot," Beth recalls, "because I was in a serious cooking mode then.  I felt so helpless. I wanted to love Lisa the best I could, but words, hugs, flowers, nothing did it.  I don't even know if food did, but I do know one thing, that cooking at least made us all feel that some part of life--maybe the task of keeping alive--was moving forward.  We had to all just keep moving forward." (30)

Dr. Meeker ends the section by writing:

"Food doesn't soothe, but intention does.  Where love stops, chicken pot pies can take over . . . So I will cook for you now, says that friend.  I can pretend that you are with me and that I can make life better for you.  So let me in, says the food." (30)

Earlier today a friend posted this blog on the Funky Freezer Girls facebook page from one woman whose life had been blessed by being on the receiving end of a friend's cooking.

For the past several months a mentor's infant granddaughter has been fighting for her life.  Just after arriving in the world in April this beautiful little girl was diagnosed with a heart condition that required immediate surgery.  In June sweet Stella had to be re-admitted to the hospital because of stenosis and her fight REALLY began.  Stella's story isn't mine to share, but she is a true miracle and this weekend she got to go home after spending nearly 2 months in the hospital.  Because of all I've learned in recent months, once I knew Miss Stella was about to bust out of the hospital for the first time since mid-June I started cooking and asked her Yaya when I could drop off meals for a weary Mom and Dad.  Since then a website has been set up to help them as well and I know they'll have meals covered for a long time, but it just felt good to be able to do something tangible for them.

I'm continually blown away by how God has used the Funky Freezer Girls.  What started out as a group of moms who were looking to simplify their lives a little bit has become one of the greatest experiences of my life.  I started out by being lazy and needing help making dinner each night, but God has taken me on a journey that has changed my heart forever and, in my mind, the least important thing about my freezer group is what I stack inside my own freezer each month.

Among the lessons I've learned on this journey is that blessing others through food is not about being a great cook.  You'll never see me on FoodNetwork and I'll never publish a cookbook.  I'm extremely intimidated when I need to cook for others and I'm not a fan of most cooking websites because I'm not a "foodie".  I can follow a simple recipe, but if it calls for more than a handful of basic ingredients or something from a special market you won't find it coming out of my kitchen.  Despite all that, I've learned that, as Dr. Meeker said, it's about the intention.  Whether I slaved for two days over a pasta sauce and homemade noodles (not going to be happening at my place) or I whip together a casserole in 15 minutes by adding together what's in my pantry, it doesn't matter to the family who is being loved on.  What matters is that food was lovingly, thoughtfully and prayerfully prepared . . .

Me . . . Quiet?!?!

I confess . . . I can be kind of loud and I talk a lot. Not a huge surprise if you know me and definitely not something I'm proud of.   I'm constantly trying to work on these areas because I don't see them as positive personality traits.  Once I started following Christ and reading the Bible I was smacked between the eyes by the verses found in 1 Peter 3:3-5

 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and clothes.  Instead, it should be that of our inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past, who put their hope in God, used to make themselves beautiful."  

Though I have things to say about the first half of that passage, the part I really struggle with is how can someone, with my personality, fit into this definition of beauty since I really don't think there's much "gentle" or "quiet" about me . . .

Last night at church the pastor was teaching out of Judges and  made the statement "Faith is at it's best in community."  Because of a variety of situations going on in my life lately I have spent a lot of time pondering  those who have spoken truth into my life, even when I wasn't ready to hear it.  I've been thinking a lot about three women in particular.  One was a huge part of my life when I was in college and somebody I asked to mentor me.  We met every Monday night after she put her small kids to bed and talked about pretty much everything.  The second is a woman who I have known at a distance for years, but who I have only recently come to really know.  She is as wise as I've always perceived her to be.  The third is a woman I knew casually from my MOMS group and who has given her opinion to my facebook posts.  I readily admit that my first reaction to hearing her words was not to be appreciative, but it was to go on the defensive because I was a little offended.  The more I thought about what she said the more I thought about how right she was and the more I've sought her opinion out.

I appreciate people who are willing to tell me the truth, even when I'm not necessarily "ready" to hear it. A few weeks ago my facebook status read: "I'm thankful for my friends who love me the way I am, but who also love me enough to encourage me to grow". I know I'm far from perfect and I know I have a lot to learn in the struggle to be more Christ-like so I'm thankful for those who will give me the "kick in the pants" I need at times.



As I reflect on the things these women have in common with each other and with me I realize none of us are necessarily "quiet".  It's a good thing for me to have wise women in my life who I respect that aren't timid because I wouldn't have much in common with them if they were. 

All of these women are physically and inwardly beautiful.  While the world may not see them (or me) as "quiet" what makes them so beautiful is that they're regularly quiet before their God learning from Him and growing in His wisdom.  They are gentle in how they speak so that relationships are built and not destroyed.

I have a long way to go, but by spending time with God and following the example of these godly women I may one day have a gentle and quiet spirit, despite my personality . .

I'd pretty much forgotten . . .

Tuesday night I had the opportunity to cross an item off my "Lifetime To-Do List"  (Basically a "Bucket List", but mine was written about 10 years before I'd ever heard the term).  I grew up in a baseball loving family.  I've attended major league games since I was about 4 years old and it's something that was a regular part of my life growing up.  Those who've known me for any length of time know I'm a baseball fan.  I've attended games at 10 Major League Stadiums and consider one of my greatest summers the year (2000) when I attended 10 games in 7 different ball parks.

Tuesday night I got to attend the Major League Baseball All-Star Game at Chase Field in Phoenix.

This was a lifelong dream of mine and I was able to attend with my favorite person in the entire world . . . my husband!  My husband played Little League growing up, but he is not a baseball fan. He'll be the first person to tell you he's not a sports fan, but he bought the tickets as my birthday present and he attended with me. (LOVE that man!)

Because my husband isn't a baseball/sports fan I've never really "pushed" for us to spend our time/money going to games.  I don't watch baseball on TV in favor of something we both enjoy.   Until Tuesday night, the last game I'd attended was in June, 2006 when my childhood team, the Angels, were in town to play the Diamondbacks and my parents bought us all tickets.

Over the years baseball has dropped off my radar.  I still follow the Angels and Diamondbacks casually, but I'd be hard pressed to name the regular starting lineup for either team.  In recent years I'd begun to wonder  if I ever really enjoyed baseball myself or if I enjoyed it because I have good memories of attending games with my family growing up.  I had started to believe that baseball was something I followed growing up as a matter of survival in a baseball loving family, but it was something I didn't "need" at this point in my life.

My husband is gone for the evening and, as I was flipping channels, I saw the Diamondbacks were playing.   I turned it on and, as I watched the game and reflected on my experience Tuesday night I thought "Wow.  I really do enjoy this.  I'd pretty much forgotten that I really DO enjoy baseball."

I'll still pass over a D'backs game on TV in order to spend time watching Mythbusters with my husband, but it brought a smile to my face to know that baseball is still a part of me and while I may not "need" it I still enjoy it.  Now, please excuse me while I get back to the game before my husband gets home :)

"Do you realize . . . ?"

A little over a month ago my husband and I were in bed talking and, out of the blue, he asked me, "Do you realize that 25% of the time we have with our son under our roof is gone? It's just gone . . . "  As his voice trailed off my eyes got big and I started picturing graduations and a wedding thinking "I'm not ready . . . "

We've been having a very difficult time with our son lately.  He started his "Terrible 2's" at about 14 months and, though he'll be 5 in August, I'm still waiting for this "terrible" phase to end.  Pretty much anything and everything can (and does) lead to a full on meltdown.  I've been feeling completely on edge lately as it feels like I'm always in a battle of wills with him, or walking on egg shells trying to avoid a meltdown.  It's been rough and I've been emotionally worn out by the constant struggle.

When my husband made that statement my heart broke as I thought about all the times I'd yelled at him and the times I'd lost my temper because of my own exhaustion and frustration.  My heart broke as I thought about how I'd spent the past few years and I cried out to God saying, "This is NOT what I want his childhood to be like . . . I need to discipline him, but really, God? This constant battle?  Neither of us are enjoying our days together and it has to change!"  I absolutely love my son, but there have been many days where I haven't liked him very much (and I haven't liked me for how I've acted towards him).

There's nothing I can do about the previous 4.5 years, but there's a lot I can do before he moves out of our home and I'm making changes I'll write about in another post.

Interestingly enough, the past week or so has been GREAT!  I really am in love with my handsome little man!

A confession, flip flops, and friendship

After my post on fear the other day I have a confession to make . . . . we didn't go in the backyard yesterday. I am proud to say I didn't let my fear hold me back, but we still didn't do it.

Yesterday morning, at my son's swim lessons, my 2 year old daughter broke her flip-flop.   Here in the desert that's a huge deal. It's a big deal because I don't want her wearing dress shoes to the pool or splash pad.  It's an even bigger deal to me because they were shoes she could put on herself and that went with everything, so it made getting out the door much easier.  Because it's now mid-June Old Navy's website is sold out of solid pink flip flops and this is an emergency so I knew our afternoon plans needed to change.  Flip flops trump the backyard.

After naps I got the kids ready to leave, grabbed my purse and started walking towards the garage when my phone rang.  As I reached into my purse I was still shuffling the kids towards the garage when I noticed the call was coming from a good friend of mine who I knew needed to talk.  Friendship trumps flip flops.

No, I didn't take the kids outside as I'd declared, but I feel no guilt and know I made the right decision.

Now I just need to find the time to get to the store and buy flip flops before my daughter is sporting dress shoes poolside this summer :)

Fear

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"  Philippians 4:6,7

This was one of the first verses I memorized after I started following Jesus.  It is a verse I have had to repeat and meditate on repeatedly.  As I continually ponder this verse and cling to the truth it proclaims I say it like this "Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, WITH THANKGIVING present your requests to God.  And the PEACE OF GOD which transcends ALL understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"

Fear is a huge struggle of mine.  Even as a child I remember losing sleep because I was worrying about something.  I absolutely cling to God's promise that His peace transcends all understanding.  I have begged, pleaded and cried out to God for this peace over the years.  More often than not I don't allow God's peace to reign because I'm trying to push it out with my own worries, fears and anxieties.  The reality is I often think I'm more in control than God is.

I am  thankful for a God that hears my cries.  I'm thankful that I follow the Prince of Peace (not coincidentally, my favorite name for Jesus . . . ) who loves me despite my lack of faith . . .

I've heard from preachers several times who have said that the word "fear" appears 365 times in the Bible--one for each day.  I've never verified this for myself, but even the fact I've heard different preachers say this over the years is proof I'm not alone in allowing my fears to consume me at times.

Tonight is another night in my life where worry and fear are keeping me up at night.  I have a fear of snakes.  It's a debiltating phobia that prevents me from enjoying activities (like hiking) that I otherwise would.  Honestly, I can't even look at photographs of snakes without having serious anxiety issues.

I've always lived in parts of the country where these creatures exist, but it wasn't until April that I was unexpectedly in the presence of a snake in the wild.  The biggest problem (besides the snake itself) was the snake's "wild" wasn't a beautiful desert mountain, covered with wildflowers.  No, this "wild" was in my backyard.  I was planting my garden and spending time with my 4 year old son in one part of the yard and crossing the grass to the other side when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a snake dart along our side fence and speed toward the corner of our lot, where we share a block wall with a neighbor.  I immediately screamed, grabbed my son's arm and ran in the house to get my husband.  

The peace and security I feel in my own backyard was ruined by coming face to body with my biggest phobia for 3 seconds.    My husband went out beating bushes with a metal pole and couldn't find the snake, but found the hole in our block wall fence where it escaped into the neighbor's yard.   Presumably the snake entered through the same hole.  I tried convincing my husband he needed to dig down 6" and fill the hole with concrete, but the ever logical desert native he is reminded me that wouldn't help because snakes dig. I was also told  he wasn't surprised since he's seen several snake holes in that corner of the yard since we moved in 3 years ago.  WHAT!?!?!   (He tried to comfort me by telling me they weren't active because he always fills them in and they don't reappear)

Based on my description my husband deduced it was a Red Racer and that it was a "good" snake to have because it was non-venemous and it eats rattlesnakes.  I informed my husband that there's no such thing as a good snake (ask Eve).  I also told him that didn't make me feel better because having the beast in our yard meant there was a food source.   (By the way, if you want to see a picture of a red racer you'll have to google it yourself because I'm not searching for a picture to link for you)

All of that brings me to tonight.  For the past few months my fear of snakes has kept me from enjoying my backyard.  The few times I've been outside my husband has been with me, and I've never relaxed.  My kids beg to play in the backyard during the day and I'm keeping them inside because I'm scared to go out and play with them for fear we might see another sliterhing reptile.  Tonight I am anxious and restless because I know I should take my kids outside, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it without my husband home to first "secure the location".

Writing this all out and admitting it is reminding me how irrational I'm being, but isn't that what fear does?  Fear makes us act irrationally. 

What do you fear?  Does it consume you? Does fear control your actions, like it has mine? How do you handle your fears?

Tomorrow I'm going to take the first step in not letting fear consume me by taking my kids outside after their rest time to play in the sprinklers.   Please join me in praying that birds will be the only wild life who will grace us with their presence . . .

It's me again . . .

Life has been seriously crazy for the past few months, and while my desire to write hasn't wavered, my time and inspiration have.   I enjoy writing and, though I'm not the most faithful at updating it, I enjoy having a blog.    I'm going to try and get better about posting more regularly for awhile.   In fact, it's a sleepless night and I have a lot of thoughts running through my head right now, so don't be surprised if you all of a sudden see 10 posts from me, all at once . . .

I have a dream . . .

My dream is not as world changing as Martin Luther King's, but it's a dream that could bless others. Honestly, it's a real dream I had while sleeping last night . . .

I am part of the Fabulous (ok that's my addition because these ladies are fabulous) Funky Freezer Girls. We are a group of friends who get together once a month and swap homemade frozen dinners. For example, one month I'll make 10 pans of chicken enchilladas and then come home with 10 different meals made by my friends. Each month we also make an extra "blessing" meal to give to somebody who is not in our group, but who we think would be blessed by having several ready-made dinners on hand. We have done blessing meals for a chemo patient, moms who have just had babies, someone recovering from surgery, etc.

This week a friend of mine and his family found themselves in a situation that would make them the perfect candidates for one of our "blessing meals". The only problem is the Funky Freezer Girls are in Arizona and my friend is in upstate New York. Dang geography. I went to bed thinking about how I'd like to bless this family with freezer meals, but couldn't.

While I was sleeping I had a lovely dream where the freezer girls had somehow compiled a network of similar groups across the country. In my dream we knew groups everywhere. In my dream these groups all had the understanding that we'd bless our local community and if one of us knew of a need we couldn't take care of ourselves, because of distance, than somebody else would.

How wonderful it would be to be able to let a similar group in New York know my friend's family would truly be blessed by having a full freezer and then . . . VOILA . . it happened! Likewise, someone in TX could let us know of a family in our area . . .

I know there are reasons it wouldn't happen (I mean, would you want someone knocking on your door saying "I've never met you or your family, but I met a girl online who lives in Arizona and she said you would be blessed by these meals . . .here's 10") On second thought, it DOES sound great . . .

Beauty of Friendship

In October I wrote about how I love facebook as a prayer tool and how thankful I am for the friendships I've been blessed with.

I've witnessed the power of both again this week.  One of my best friends from college received horrible news this week when his 8 year old son was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  There is a lot more to this story than is mine to share, but I have loved watching from a distance as friends from college have rallied around this family right now, eventhough many of us have never met this little boy.

I went to a small Christian college of about 2000 students.  Of those, only about 800 lived on campus.  It was definitely like living in a small town.  Our freshman year we lived in the dorms and ate in the cafeteria together.  By sophomore year most of us moved into campus apartments.  We went to the same Bible studies and saw each other late at night "studying" at Denny's.  Many couples met their spouses on campus while everyone watched them date and wondered when they were going to announce their engagement. (To give you an idea---I had 6 engaged roommates before I started my Senior year. Both of my roommates I had in the dorm were engaged by the time our freshman year ended!)  It was definitely a different experience than my husband had in college by going to a large state university and living off campus, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Within that "small town" there were different circles of friends, but everybody knew each other and it was great (most of the time).  Now that we're in our 30's we have lives that are quite different from the ones we led during those years, but it's been great to see those same friends rally around one who needs prayer, support, and encouragement right now.

Joy in the Journey

As 2010 ended a few days ago my facebook status read "Good riddance to 2010".  Though not a complete list, I did write a post a few weeks ago that outlined some of the difficulties my family and I faced this year.   I had never been one to think of January 1 as a "new start" because,the blending of two years never seemed that significant.   2010 was a different story and I'm more than happy to have seen it leave.   Based on what my friends have been saying online over the past few days, I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

Last night my husband and I went to church. While the pastor didn't necessarily frame it in that context, God spoke to me about the trials we'd experienced in the previous 12 months.  The point of the message was that "God's joy comes through transformation, not substitution"

I am well familiar with James 1:2-4: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kids, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything" as well as James 1:12:  "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."  During my financial struggles I clung to those verses.  While I'd never want to re-live those times I PRAISE GOD that I went through that and am immeasurably thankful for that period of my life.

As Jesus told his disciples the night before his crucifixion, there is some joy that can only be experienced after periods of intense pain: "A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world."  John 16:21

As I look back on 2010 I'm not sure what God was doing in my life since the difficulties we faced happened around us, not directly to us, but my perspective has now changed.  Instead of looking back on the past year and bidding it "Good riddance" I am focusing on looking back and finding the joy in the journey . . .