It's been nearly 9 years since I first met my husband, and over 7 years since the March evening we got married. I like to think I know my husband pretty well and that I'm no longer surprised or impressed by anything he says does. I've always admired and respected his loyalty to his friends. I've known he is a man of amazing character and strength. I've known that there is nothing my husband wouldn't do for someone he loves. As his wife, and the mother of his children, I have seen my husband be our family's fiercest protector and our biggest champion. This week I saw how far he would go to help a friend . . .
Since I met my husband I've known he's had a friend since 3rd grade. Though they have lived in separate states their entire adult lives, these two men have remained close and have "done life" together for nearly 40 years. These friends, whose friendship was formed on an elementary school playground, are now 45 and have seen each other through girlfriends, breakups, marriages, a divorce, re-marriage, the birth of their children, sick siblings, etc.
Tuesday morning we got word that this friend's mom had passed away in their hometown, 200 miles from where we live. Upon hearing the news of Mrs. M's passing, my husband called his boss and took the rest of the week off to be available to his friend. Over the past few days I have seen just how far my husband will go to do whatever he can to help his hurting friend and I am incredibly proud to be his wife. While his friend began the grieving process my husband was by his side, just as he has been for years, and like he will be for the rest of their lives.
I got home last night to find this posted on my facebook wall from our friend's wife : "The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. " ~ Elisabeth Foley
The truth is my husband doesn't see his actions over the past few days as anything special, but I think that's what makes him even more remarkable. In this day and age it's rare to find friends and friendships that last decades and remain strong. Have I mentioned how proud I am to be married to this man?
Monday, September 12, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
What Love Looks Like
In my younger (single) days I believed love looked like a romantic comedy. My love would be captivated by me at first sight, would sweep me off my feet, bring me flowers, rub my feet and listen intently to all my stories. My love and I would never fight and would laugh at how petty our disagreements were (because, really, we didn't have any . . . )
At 35 I've been married for over 7 years and my view of love looks quite different from the Hollywood fantasy I was fed as young woman.
What love looks like to me these days:
Love looks like a husband taking a sick day to help with the kids because the 9mo old was regularly waking 2-3x/night and the 2.5yr old was regularly waking 1-2x/night leaving a tired Mommy curled up in the fetal position crying on the couch.
Love looks like a husband trading cars for the day to get the emissions test done on his lunch hour so that his wife didn't have to try to get it inspected while trying to wrangle a 2yr old and 4yr old in a glass cube with only about 4 square feet of floor space.
Love looks like a Daddy who tucks the kids into bed at night while Mommy collapses on the couch
Love looks like a husband who surprises his wife with tickets to a woman's conference she wanted to go to, but didn't think they could afford for her to attend
Love looks like a friend who drops everything, takes 3 days of vacation time, and drives several hundred miles across the desert to support a friend whose mom has just passed away
Love looks like a friend who drives over 60 miles round trip, with her two kids, to bring you your favorite Starbucks coffee and helps wrangle your kids and your nephew for an afternoon after your sister is in a car accident so you can clean house for family members who are arriving for your son's birthday party the same week.
Love looks like a nice home cooked meal and "date night in" so you don't have to find room in the budget to pay a baby-sitter and an expensive restaurant meal
Love looks like a freezer full of food made by friends so that you don't have to cook for the first few days after having a baby
Love looks like a perfect Man who paid a debt He did not owe for those who could never repay Him . . .
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him sall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him" John 3:16,17
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8
The love I've come to know won't make millions at the box office, but it's more romantic than anything Hollywood could ever dream up . . .
What does love look like to you?
At 35 I've been married for over 7 years and my view of love looks quite different from the Hollywood fantasy I was fed as young woman.
What love looks like to me these days:
Love looks like a husband taking a sick day to help with the kids because the 9mo old was regularly waking 2-3x/night and the 2.5yr old was regularly waking 1-2x/night leaving a tired Mommy curled up in the fetal position crying on the couch.
Love looks like a husband trading cars for the day to get the emissions test done on his lunch hour so that his wife didn't have to try to get it inspected while trying to wrangle a 2yr old and 4yr old in a glass cube with only about 4 square feet of floor space.
Love looks like a Daddy who tucks the kids into bed at night while Mommy collapses on the couch
Love looks like a husband who surprises his wife with tickets to a woman's conference she wanted to go to, but didn't think they could afford for her to attend
Love looks like a friend who drops everything, takes 3 days of vacation time, and drives several hundred miles across the desert to support a friend whose mom has just passed away
Love looks like a friend who drives over 60 miles round trip, with her two kids, to bring you your favorite Starbucks coffee and helps wrangle your kids and your nephew for an afternoon after your sister is in a car accident so you can clean house for family members who are arriving for your son's birthday party the same week.
Love looks like a nice home cooked meal and "date night in" so you don't have to find room in the budget to pay a baby-sitter and an expensive restaurant meal
Love looks like a freezer full of food made by friends so that you don't have to cook for the first few days after having a baby
Love looks like a perfect Man who paid a debt He did not owe for those who could never repay Him . . .
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him sall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him" John 3:16,17
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8
The love I've come to know won't make millions at the box office, but it's more romantic than anything Hollywood could ever dream up . . .
What does love look like to you?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Living to the Hilt!
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1
Last night I came home from church and wrote about what is most valuable and promised I'd continue to write about what I heard last night and what God has been teaching me this summer about the importance of "little things" in our life
The pastor has daughters who are in elementary school and, during the sermon, he mentioned a conversation he'd had with this admin about the importance of being at his daughters' first day of school this year, even though they weren't entering Kindergarten. Essentially the pastor's assistant reminded him that the first day of school is important to his daughters and isn't something he should miss.
The pastor also told of how some of the most meaningful conversations he's had with his daughters have been during another activity and when he hadn't "planned on them". He said that if he'd been too busy to spend that time with them, he would've missed out on those conversations and opportunities. I thought about my own life and the times I've said "Not right now" or "I'm busy" to my own kids when they've asked to read a book, play a game, or even watch TV with them. I confess there are countless times that I've begged off of these activities because Candy Land and Special Agent Oso aren't high on my list of entertainment sources.
I've been trying to be better about doing things my kids enjoy, even when it's not something I enjoy or I'm "busy", but last night reminded me again how important that is. I switched the tables and started thinking about how I'd feel if my husband continually refused to do activities I enjoy, just because they're not his favorites. I'm 35 years old and have enough experience to know that there are other things "more important" than just sitting on the couch with me watching HGTV, but I still get disappointed when he's doing other activities and not just being with me. I realized that for my young kids it's even MORE important to them that they know I'm willing to drop everything and show them how important they are to me by doing the "little things" with them.
During the sermon the pastor showed the following quote from Jim Elliot: "Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God". This is another area where I confess my failure because when I do "give in" and play Candy Land I'm often thinking about the laundry I need to do, wondering if anybody has responded to my facebook status, etc. I think I'm doing a "good job" because I take my kids to the park to play with their friends, while I'm sitting on the bench talking to my girlfriends. The more I think about it, those activities are things they enjoy, but I'm not doing it with them we're spending more time interacting with our friends than we are with each other. I'm learning that I'm not always "all there" and the truth is that, during this season of my life, the will of God is for me to be a wife and a mom.
Instead of planning "quality time" and thinking that's all I need to do for my kids to know their importance in my life I'm going to focus more on the "little things" every day that show them they are important to me. Outings and family trips are great, but they're less meaningful if the message most other days is "I'm too busy for you . . . "
This week I have challenged myself to make it a priority to do the activities my kids ask me to do, when they ask me to do it AND to be fully present during those activities.
Last night I came home from church and wrote about what is most valuable and promised I'd continue to write about what I heard last night and what God has been teaching me this summer about the importance of "little things" in our life
The pastor has daughters who are in elementary school and, during the sermon, he mentioned a conversation he'd had with this admin about the importance of being at his daughters' first day of school this year, even though they weren't entering Kindergarten. Essentially the pastor's assistant reminded him that the first day of school is important to his daughters and isn't something he should miss.
The pastor also told of how some of the most meaningful conversations he's had with his daughters have been during another activity and when he hadn't "planned on them". He said that if he'd been too busy to spend that time with them, he would've missed out on those conversations and opportunities. I thought about my own life and the times I've said "Not right now" or "I'm busy" to my own kids when they've asked to read a book, play a game, or even watch TV with them. I confess there are countless times that I've begged off of these activities because Candy Land and Special Agent Oso aren't high on my list of entertainment sources.
I've been trying to be better about doing things my kids enjoy, even when it's not something I enjoy or I'm "busy", but last night reminded me again how important that is. I switched the tables and started thinking about how I'd feel if my husband continually refused to do activities I enjoy, just because they're not his favorites. I'm 35 years old and have enough experience to know that there are other things "more important" than just sitting on the couch with me watching HGTV, but I still get disappointed when he's doing other activities and not just being with me. I realized that for my young kids it's even MORE important to them that they know I'm willing to drop everything and show them how important they are to me by doing the "little things" with them.
During the sermon the pastor showed the following quote from Jim Elliot: "Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God". This is another area where I confess my failure because when I do "give in" and play Candy Land I'm often thinking about the laundry I need to do, wondering if anybody has responded to my facebook status, etc. I think I'm doing a "good job" because I take my kids to the park to play with their friends, while I'm sitting on the bench talking to my girlfriends. The more I think about it, those activities are things they enjoy, but I'm not doing it with them we're spending more time interacting with our friends than we are with each other. I'm learning that I'm not always "all there" and the truth is that, during this season of my life, the will of God is for me to be a wife and a mom.
Instead of planning "quality time" and thinking that's all I need to do for my kids to know their importance in my life I'm going to focus more on the "little things" every day that show them they are important to me. Outings and family trips are great, but they're less meaningful if the message most other days is "I'm too busy for you . . . "
This week I have challenged myself to make it a priority to do the activities my kids ask me to do, when they ask me to do it AND to be fully present during those activities.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
What's Most Valuable?
"Time is the most valuable thing that we have, because it is the most irrevocable"--Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Letters and Papers from Prison)
I just returned from a church service where the pastor taught on the small things in life and how important they are. God really spoke to me in the message, and I'm anticipating writing several blogs just on what I heard tonight because the sermon spoke exactly to where I am and some of the things God has been working on me with for the past several months.
My son just turned 5 and my daughter will be 3 this month. The wallpaper on our computer rotates through all of our pictures and lately there have been A LOT from my childrens' infancy. I get a bit wistful when I look at pictures from they day they were born and their baby days because I know they are days I'll never get back. These pictures are a daily reminder of how quickly the time has already gone, and how fast it will continue to go. Several years ago I heard a quote that has become my mantra, "The days are long, but the years are short."
I have caught myself wishing the days away and looking forward to when the kids are off at school all day and I'm able to accomplish tasks (like going to the bathroom!) by myself, but then I remember the words of friends whose children are older that tell me to enjoy these years. I confess I'm not a perfect parent and I yell too much. There are definitely days with my strong-willed first born that I am not enjoying him and am looking forward to the time when I have a break from the constant battles we face. That same little boy has an incredibly tender spirit that melts my heart (when he's not having a meltdown). My son is definitely a lot like me and he's a cuddler, so the moments when we're not fighting and he's curled up in my lap are the times I just wish I could stop time. In those moments I ask him, "Can you just stay this age forever?"
Because my son's birthday is less than 2 weeks before the school cut-off date for our district my husband and I decided while I was pregnant with him that we would start him in Kindergarten when he was 6, instead of having him barely make the cut-off and start school when he's 5. This is the last year I have at home with my son before he goes off to Kindergarten all day and I'm trying to savor every moment knowing that once he starts school our days spent building forts, taking trips to the zoo, cuddling under a blanket watching movies, etc. are going to change.
I confess I've "given away" a lot of time during these precious years I won't get back. I've been busy at church, I've spent too much time on the computer, I've run errands until I dropped, I've scheduled play dates on days we don't have anything else going, etc. Recently a friend brought to my attention that kids spell love T-I-M-E and that it's not about the "quality" as much as it's about the "quantity" of time I spend with them. As a result, I have cut way back on my commitments at church and my other activities because right now my most important ministry is that of Mom to my little ones. In 20 years my kids won't know or care that I was on 5 committees or that I was on "leadership" at church, but they'll (hopefully) remember that I tucked them in every night, I played silly games with them, etc. Even if my kids don't remember I know I will . . .
(to be continued . . . )
I just returned from a church service where the pastor taught on the small things in life and how important they are. God really spoke to me in the message, and I'm anticipating writing several blogs just on what I heard tonight because the sermon spoke exactly to where I am and some of the things God has been working on me with for the past several months.
My son just turned 5 and my daughter will be 3 this month. The wallpaper on our computer rotates through all of our pictures and lately there have been A LOT from my childrens' infancy. I get a bit wistful when I look at pictures from they day they were born and their baby days because I know they are days I'll never get back. These pictures are a daily reminder of how quickly the time has already gone, and how fast it will continue to go. Several years ago I heard a quote that has become my mantra, "The days are long, but the years are short."
I have caught myself wishing the days away and looking forward to when the kids are off at school all day and I'm able to accomplish tasks (like going to the bathroom!) by myself, but then I remember the words of friends whose children are older that tell me to enjoy these years. I confess I'm not a perfect parent and I yell too much. There are definitely days with my strong-willed first born that I am not enjoying him and am looking forward to the time when I have a break from the constant battles we face. That same little boy has an incredibly tender spirit that melts my heart (when he's not having a meltdown). My son is definitely a lot like me and he's a cuddler, so the moments when we're not fighting and he's curled up in my lap are the times I just wish I could stop time. In those moments I ask him, "Can you just stay this age forever?"
Because my son's birthday is less than 2 weeks before the school cut-off date for our district my husband and I decided while I was pregnant with him that we would start him in Kindergarten when he was 6, instead of having him barely make the cut-off and start school when he's 5. This is the last year I have at home with my son before he goes off to Kindergarten all day and I'm trying to savor every moment knowing that once he starts school our days spent building forts, taking trips to the zoo, cuddling under a blanket watching movies, etc. are going to change.
I confess I've "given away" a lot of time during these precious years I won't get back. I've been busy at church, I've spent too much time on the computer, I've run errands until I dropped, I've scheduled play dates on days we don't have anything else going, etc. Recently a friend brought to my attention that kids spell love T-I-M-E and that it's not about the "quality" as much as it's about the "quantity" of time I spend with them. As a result, I have cut way back on my commitments at church and my other activities because right now my most important ministry is that of Mom to my little ones. In 20 years my kids won't know or care that I was on 5 committees or that I was on "leadership" at church, but they'll (hopefully) remember that I tucked them in every night, I played silly games with them, etc. Even if my kids don't remember I know I will . . .
(to be continued . . . )
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