I'm 34 and my husband is 44. I'm not somebody who is obsessed with age (mine or anybody else's). None of the big milestone birthdays affected me, and I can't anticipate any of the upcoming ones bothering me, either. I don't see any sense in lying about my age or getting worked up about it. I've always just accepted that, yes, I'm getting older and that's a good thing because it means I'm still alive :)
The thing that I wasn't prepared for with getting older is watching loved ones deal with serious health issues, many of which are age-related. 2010 has been a very emotionally draining year for our family as my husband and I have experienced the pain of having sick loved ones.
*My husband's grandmother passed away in February at the age of 94.
*In August my sister was involved in a serious car accident that could have killed her. Fortunately after 8 days in the hospital (including 5 in ICU), surgery to repair her broken and twisted vertabrae, and 3 months in a back brace she will eventually make a full recovery.
*This fall a good friend of my husband's, who is in her 40's, had a stroke and a heart attack. She is a mom of 3 kids ranging in age from 15-9.
*At the beginning of November my husband's "second dad" was hospitalized after doctors discovered aneurysms in his leg and heart. My husband and this man's son have been friends since they were 8 years old and they practically grew up in each other's houses, so this affected my husband deeply. Mr. M had surgery and should make a full recovery, but it was scary for awhile since he is in his mid-70's.
*This fall my brother-in-law went to a doctor twice complaining of chronic pain in his leg. He was sent away both times. By October he was having so much pain in his leg that he took himself to the ER and is still in the hospital two months later. He has had a series of health problems stringing from the blood clot that went undiagnosed on his first two visits to the doctor. He has now had his entire leg amputated below the knee and is now having other health issues that have had him fighting for his life in recent weeks. As of Thanksgiving weekend he'd been in the hospital for over 40 days. Here it is, almost Christmas, and he won't be going home any time soon. He is only 47.
The reality is that my grandparents are in their 80s, my in-laws are in their 70s, my parents are 59 and we're all getting older. As rough as 2010 has been, it's both sad and scary to think that years like this are going to become more common as we age and start watching our loved ones get older, too.
I was prepared for my own gray hair and wrinkles . . . I wasn't prepared for my family and friends getting old.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Purging
Over the weekend I got sick of all the junk lying around my house and decided to do something about it. I immediately started throwing anything and everything that doesn't get used on a regular basis in a box to take to Goodwill. I've already made one trip and am currently going through the garage and closets in preparation for my next trip(s).
I mentioned on facebook Saturday that I was in the mood to purge and several of my friends posted "Atta girl" comments and lamented their own need to do it.
As I read my friends comments and looked at the hundreds of dollars of "junk" in my boxes it got me thinking . . . this need to "purge" is a byproduct of our culture's obsession with consumerism. All the things I'm getting rid of are things I've spent money on (or that others have given me as a gift). Some items going in the box still have their tags on them---meaning I (or someone else) spent their hard-earned money on them and never used them.
As Christmas approaches we're often asked, "What do you want?". We often buy things for our family and friends because we want to, but also because we know we "have" to. I've made mention that Christmas is a low-key event at our house. My kids don't really have a lot of toys, namely because we don't have a place to put them, but do they really NEED another toy from Grandma?
As I throw toys away, and prepare to wrap others next week, I'm wondering . . . are those toys going to end up in next year's purge pile? Is that sweater I "need" today going to be in the box next year?
I mentioned on facebook Saturday that I was in the mood to purge and several of my friends posted "Atta girl" comments and lamented their own need to do it.
As I read my friends comments and looked at the hundreds of dollars of "junk" in my boxes it got me thinking . . . this need to "purge" is a byproduct of our culture's obsession with consumerism. All the things I'm getting rid of are things I've spent money on (or that others have given me as a gift). Some items going in the box still have their tags on them---meaning I (or someone else) spent their hard-earned money on them and never used them.
As Christmas approaches we're often asked, "What do you want?". We often buy things for our family and friends because we want to, but also because we know we "have" to. I've made mention that Christmas is a low-key event at our house. My kids don't really have a lot of toys, namely because we don't have a place to put them, but do they really NEED another toy from Grandma?
As I throw toys away, and prepare to wrap others next week, I'm wondering . . . are those toys going to end up in next year's purge pile? Is that sweater I "need" today going to be in the box next year?
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I'm Heidi and I'm Weird
I have made mistakes with money . I have made stupid decisions. I have been in debt over my head. I have had bill collectors call me. I have lost sleep wondering how I'm going to pay the bills. I have skipped meals because I couldn't afford food. I literally have been there/done that and have said NO MORE!
After I got myself straightened out I learned how to say "no" to myself, and to others. I skipped social events if they weren't free. If all my friends went out to dinner I either didn't go at all or I ordered a water and a $3 side. I didn't participate in office gift exchanges. I was a flight attendant while I pulled myself out of debt and in the years following. When my crew members went out to dinner or to a bar I ate ramen noodles I cooked in a hotel coffee pot (and yes, I know how gross anything and everything in a hotel is).
Over the years I have learned the difference between a want and a need. I am kind of a materialistic person and have a lot of wants, but the reality is I don't have a lot of needs. I have been on missions trips in poor parts of the world. I have seen entire families living in shelters made up of wood pallets and calling it "home". I have seen 5 year olds wander the street begging for money and food. I have met an 8 year old who is routinely left at home for weeks to care for his 5 year old cousin and 2 year old cousin while their parents are on a drug binge. In light of all this, my needs are few.
In recent years I have become a fan of Dave Ramsey. I "met" Dave several years after I had climbed out of the financial hole I had dug for myself. What I like about Dave is he makes sense. Before I knew better, I was following Dave's plan to get myself out of debt. I acted my wage. If I couldn't afford it, I didn't buy it. Dave tells his listeners "Debt is normal. Be weird." I'm weird . . . and proud of it!
I'm weird because I don't think my kids need any more stuff for Christmas or their birthdays.
I'm weird because I don't think stuff equals happiness.
I'm weird because I haven't been out to dinner in months (not even fast food).
I'm weird because I cook dinner from scratch every night.
I'm weird because I don't take my kids to the movies.
I'm weird because I use coupons and shop sales.
I'm weird because my kids have never been on vacation.
I'm weird because my kids have never been to Disneyland.
I'm weird because I haven't taken a vacation since 2006.
I'm weird because I say "no" to myself if a "want" is not in the budget.
I'm weird because, though I could've declared bankruptcy walked away from my debts, I honored my word and paid them all back.
I'm weird because I'd rather work 7 days a week at 2 jobs (working 20+ hours some days) and go 6 months without a day off than to be in debt one more minute.
I'm weird because I give myself $20 every 2 weeks for all the activities the kids and I do.
I'm weird because I think that to raise children with a giving heart they need to be actively be involved in giving.
I'm weird because my husband has an excellent job and my kids wear hand-me-downs.
I'm weird because I think a contribution to my kids' 529 is a better gift than a toy they'll forget about next year.
I'm weird because I'd rather make sacrifices now (like not taking vacations, not eating out, not going to movies, etc.) to stay home and raise my kids instead of paying for childcare.
I'm weird because 20 years from now my kids won't remember what they did or didn't get for Christmas when they were 4, but they'll know Mom & Dad were able to pay cash for their college tuition.
My husband is weird because he started maxing out his 401(k) when he was in his 20's.
My husband is weird because he bought a house at age 30 and has consistently paid extra on principle.
My husband is weird because even though he has an excellent job he comes home for lunch every day, rather than going out, in order to save money.
We're weird because we have a budget and stick to it.
We're weird because we pay cash for our purchases.
We're weird because my husband and I donate more in a year to our various charities than I have ever made in a year (Yes, even when I was working a full-time job + a part-time job and worked 7 days a week, and went 6 months without a day off)
We're weird because we will give more to food banks, rescue missions, and other charities this season than we will spend on presents.
We're weird because after 2011 we will never have a car payment again.
We're weird because we will pay off our house before our oldest child graduates high school in 2025.
We're weird because we have an emergency fund in place to take care of life's surprises.
We're weird because our house is "outdated".
We're weird because we'd rather live in a smaller "outdated" house than our friends to insure my husband only has a 5 minute commute to work, enabling him to spend time with the kids in the morning, come home for lunch every day, and spend time as a family each evening. We're weird because we think family time is more important than a large house in a cheaper suburb.
We're weird because when we bought our newest house 2.5 years ago we agreed to spend less than we could "afford".
We're weird because we think 401(k) contributions, 6 months of savings in the bank, ESA's and 529's are more important than nice "stuff" now.
We're weird because we believe that paying off our mortgage in half the time is more important than it being "upgraded".
How are you weird?
After I got myself straightened out I learned how to say "no" to myself, and to others. I skipped social events if they weren't free. If all my friends went out to dinner I either didn't go at all or I ordered a water and a $3 side. I didn't participate in office gift exchanges. I was a flight attendant while I pulled myself out of debt and in the years following. When my crew members went out to dinner or to a bar I ate ramen noodles I cooked in a hotel coffee pot (and yes, I know how gross anything and everything in a hotel is).
Over the years I have learned the difference between a want and a need. I am kind of a materialistic person and have a lot of wants, but the reality is I don't have a lot of needs. I have been on missions trips in poor parts of the world. I have seen entire families living in shelters made up of wood pallets and calling it "home". I have seen 5 year olds wander the street begging for money and food. I have met an 8 year old who is routinely left at home for weeks to care for his 5 year old cousin and 2 year old cousin while their parents are on a drug binge. In light of all this, my needs are few.
In recent years I have become a fan of Dave Ramsey. I "met" Dave several years after I had climbed out of the financial hole I had dug for myself. What I like about Dave is he makes sense. Before I knew better, I was following Dave's plan to get myself out of debt. I acted my wage. If I couldn't afford it, I didn't buy it. Dave tells his listeners "Debt is normal. Be weird." I'm weird . . . and proud of it!
I'm weird because I don't think my kids need any more stuff for Christmas or their birthdays.
I'm weird because I don't think stuff equals happiness.
I'm weird because I haven't been out to dinner in months (not even fast food).
I'm weird because I cook dinner from scratch every night.
I'm weird because I don't take my kids to the movies.
I'm weird because I use coupons and shop sales.
I'm weird because my kids have never been on vacation.
I'm weird because my kids have never been to Disneyland.
I'm weird because I haven't taken a vacation since 2006.
I'm weird because I say "no" to myself if a "want" is not in the budget.
I'm weird because, though I could've declared bankruptcy walked away from my debts, I honored my word and paid them all back.
I'm weird because I'd rather work 7 days a week at 2 jobs (working 20+ hours some days) and go 6 months without a day off than to be in debt one more minute.
I'm weird because I give myself $20 every 2 weeks for all the activities the kids and I do.
I'm weird because I think that to raise children with a giving heart they need to be actively be involved in giving.
I'm weird because my husband has an excellent job and my kids wear hand-me-downs.
I'm weird because I think a contribution to my kids' 529 is a better gift than a toy they'll forget about next year.
I'm weird because I'd rather make sacrifices now (like not taking vacations, not eating out, not going to movies, etc.) to stay home and raise my kids instead of paying for childcare.
I'm weird because 20 years from now my kids won't remember what they did or didn't get for Christmas when they were 4, but they'll know Mom & Dad were able to pay cash for their college tuition.
My husband is weird because he started maxing out his 401(k) when he was in his 20's.
My husband is weird because he bought a house at age 30 and has consistently paid extra on principle.
My husband is weird because even though he has an excellent job he comes home for lunch every day, rather than going out, in order to save money.
We're weird because we have a budget and stick to it.
We're weird because we pay cash for our purchases.
We're weird because my husband and I donate more in a year to our various charities than I have ever made in a year (Yes, even when I was working a full-time job + a part-time job and worked 7 days a week, and went 6 months without a day off)
We're weird because we will give more to food banks, rescue missions, and other charities this season than we will spend on presents.
We're weird because after 2011 we will never have a car payment again.
We're weird because we will pay off our house before our oldest child graduates high school in 2025.
We're weird because we have an emergency fund in place to take care of life's surprises.
We're weird because our house is "outdated".
We're weird because we'd rather live in a smaller "outdated" house than our friends to insure my husband only has a 5 minute commute to work, enabling him to spend time with the kids in the morning, come home for lunch every day, and spend time as a family each evening. We're weird because we think family time is more important than a large house in a cheaper suburb.
We're weird because when we bought our newest house 2.5 years ago we agreed to spend less than we could "afford".
We're weird because we think 401(k) contributions, 6 months of savings in the bank, ESA's and 529's are more important than nice "stuff" now.
We're weird because we believe that paying off our mortgage in half the time is more important than it being "upgraded".
How are you weird?
Monday, December 6, 2010
My own Tale of a Tree
Last week I was reading an entry on C. Beth's Blog called Tale of a tree and had a bit of "tree envy". Like C. Beth I've been wanting a taller, pre-lit, tree for years. To be exact, I have wanted one since we moved into this house in 2008, with its 10' celings. Seeing the prices of the tree I longed for crushed that dream fairly quickly, but being the bargain shopper I am, I consoled myself that first year with the fact I'd be able to get a great deal after Christmas . . . WRONG. Much to my dismay, the tree of my dreams sells out well before Christmas and there are none left in the after-Christmas clearance sales.
For the past several years I have wrestled with the lights and dreamt of the day I would have a pre-lit tree of my own. Year after year I would torment myself by looking at trees and lamenting their outrageous prices. I had told (warned?) my husband that I had a price in mind that I considered "reasonable" considering how long we would have it and that if I saw it for that price I would want to buy it.
Yesterday I had the luxury of going shopping by myself for a couple of hours. I was at a large outdoor mall that has pretty much every store you can imagine: a grocery store, restaurants, bars, Old Navy, Ross, Target, Kohl's, etc. On my way from one store to another I passed Target and decided to walk in. On a whim I went to the seasonal department where I think I might've heard angels singing (ok, maybe it was just a motion activated snowman) as I saw the tree of my dreams "price cut" to my "reasonable price"
I had no cart and my car was about half a mile away on the other side of the mall, but I mentally started strategizing how I'd get this tree home as I searched for it's box underneath . . .nothing. I called a store employee over, who broke my heart when he told me they were out of stock. I asked about buying the floor model and was told they couldn't do that. The employee told me there was one other store with that tree--about 15 miles away. I called that store and they were sold out (they wouldn't sell me the floor model, either).
I left the mall dejected, but when I got home I looked my tree up on target.com where I discovered not only was it in-stock it was HALF PRICE! Things got even better when I remembered that AAA members (like me) get 10% off at target.com when you link to Target's website from the AAA one. I was practically shaking with excitement as I put my half-price tree in the cart and nervously looked to find out how much shipping would be. It turns out there is FREE SHIPPING on all orders over $50!
All told I found the tree of my dreams for 60% off the "reasonable price" I was willing to pay in the store and am getting it shipped to my house this week!
I just set up our "old" tree Saturday. Sunday morning I put the lights up and the kids helped me hang the ornaments, not having the slightest notion that the tree of my dreams would be on it's way to my house within a matter of hours.
Later this week the tree I have been dreaming about for 3 years will be mine, but the old one is already set up. I told my husband "Don't worry, I'm not going to take this one down just to set up the new one and do it all over again", but I don't know I'm going to be able to restrain myself . . . .
What would you do?
For the past several years I have wrestled with the lights and dreamt of the day I would have a pre-lit tree of my own. Year after year I would torment myself by looking at trees and lamenting their outrageous prices. I had told (warned?) my husband that I had a price in mind that I considered "reasonable" considering how long we would have it and that if I saw it for that price I would want to buy it.
Yesterday I had the luxury of going shopping by myself for a couple of hours. I was at a large outdoor mall that has pretty much every store you can imagine: a grocery store, restaurants, bars, Old Navy, Ross, Target, Kohl's, etc. On my way from one store to another I passed Target and decided to walk in. On a whim I went to the seasonal department where I think I might've heard angels singing (ok, maybe it was just a motion activated snowman) as I saw the tree of my dreams "price cut" to my "reasonable price"
I had no cart and my car was about half a mile away on the other side of the mall, but I mentally started strategizing how I'd get this tree home as I searched for it's box underneath . . .nothing. I called a store employee over, who broke my heart when he told me they were out of stock. I asked about buying the floor model and was told they couldn't do that. The employee told me there was one other store with that tree--about 15 miles away. I called that store and they were sold out (they wouldn't sell me the floor model, either).
I left the mall dejected, but when I got home I looked my tree up on target.com where I discovered not only was it in-stock it was HALF PRICE! Things got even better when I remembered that AAA members (like me) get 10% off at target.com when you link to Target's website from the AAA one. I was practically shaking with excitement as I put my half-price tree in the cart and nervously looked to find out how much shipping would be. It turns out there is FREE SHIPPING on all orders over $50!
All told I found the tree of my dreams for 60% off the "reasonable price" I was willing to pay in the store and am getting it shipped to my house this week!
I just set up our "old" tree Saturday. Sunday morning I put the lights up and the kids helped me hang the ornaments, not having the slightest notion that the tree of my dreams would be on it's way to my house within a matter of hours.
Later this week the tree I have been dreaming about for 3 years will be mine, but the old one is already set up. I told my husband "Don't worry, I'm not going to take this one down just to set up the new one and do it all over again", but I don't know I'm going to be able to restrain myself . . . .
What would you do?
Friday, December 3, 2010
Santa doesn't live here . . .
Santa isn't and won't be coming to our house. My husband and I are in agreement that there will be no fictious characters (no Santa, no Easter bunny, no Tooth Fairy, etc) visiting our house in the middle of the night.
I LOVE Christmas. I love having lights outside. I love seeing presents underneath the tree. I love looking at the ornaments on the tree (each one tells a story), I love having Christmas music playing, I love shopping for my kids and picking out their presents, etc. I'm far from Scrooge, but we don't make a big deal out of presents. There are presents under our tree, but they are from Mom & Dad, Grandma & Papa, Grandma & Grandma, etc . . .
That being said, we are very determined that we want to focus on Jesus' birthday more than the commercialism of Christmas. Our son is 4, and attends preschool 2 days a week. Because of the decorations in our home and the discussions he's had at school and church he knows Christmas is coming, but he doesn't know/realize that he's supposed to want things at Christmas! He has never asked me for a birthday or Christmas present, because while he gets them, that has never been the focus of either holiday. Christmas morning is over quickly because so far Mom and Dad give each kid just one present! Because of the age of our kids we've been able to get off fairly inexpensively, too (less than $40 for each kid). We're also fortunate that neither of our parents buy tons of gifts for our kids,
Jesus is pretty clear in Matthew 25 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me' . . . The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' "
Service and giving are two values that are extremely important to my husband and I and they are ones we want to instill in our kids.
What does all this have to do with Santa? Last December my friend C. Beth (who writes this blog) linked this. I thought it was the most incredible way I'd ever heard of to merge the cultural tradition of Santa with the spirit of giving that I'm so passionate about. I love how Eternal Lizdom is teaching her daughter about giving in a practical way and that others are going to benefit from this mom's wisdom. I shared it on my facebook page then and am going to again, but I had so much to say about the subject that I had to write a whole blog :)
I LOVE Christmas. I love having lights outside. I love seeing presents underneath the tree. I love looking at the ornaments on the tree (each one tells a story), I love having Christmas music playing, I love shopping for my kids and picking out their presents, etc. I'm far from Scrooge, but we don't make a big deal out of presents. There are presents under our tree, but they are from Mom & Dad, Grandma & Papa, Grandma & Grandma, etc . . .
That being said, we are very determined that we want to focus on Jesus' birthday more than the commercialism of Christmas. Our son is 4, and attends preschool 2 days a week. Because of the decorations in our home and the discussions he's had at school and church he knows Christmas is coming, but he doesn't know/realize that he's supposed to want things at Christmas! He has never asked me for a birthday or Christmas present, because while he gets them, that has never been the focus of either holiday. Christmas morning is over quickly because so far Mom and Dad give each kid just one present! Because of the age of our kids we've been able to get off fairly inexpensively, too (less than $40 for each kid). We're also fortunate that neither of our parents buy tons of gifts for our kids,
Jesus is pretty clear in Matthew 25 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me' . . . The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' "
Service and giving are two values that are extremely important to my husband and I and they are ones we want to instill in our kids.
What does all this have to do with Santa? Last December my friend C. Beth (who writes this blog) linked this. I thought it was the most incredible way I'd ever heard of to merge the cultural tradition of Santa with the spirit of giving that I'm so passionate about. I love how Eternal Lizdom is teaching her daughter about giving in a practical way and that others are going to benefit from this mom's wisdom. I shared it on my facebook page then and am going to again, but I had so much to say about the subject that I had to write a whole blog :)
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