Decisions, Decisions . . .

In the light of the morning it doesn't seem like that rough of a decision, but last night was one of those times I was in a quandary about the right call to make regarding my son.

My son is 6 and has always been quite feisty.  I'm not exaggerating when I say his "Terrible 2's" started at about 14mo and lasted until after he turned 6.  Things are a little better now, but his temper can still be volatile, ESPECIALLY when he's tired or his blood sugar is low.  We try and keep his blood sugar regulated and that has helped considerably.  We're also sticklers about bedtime.

Well . ..  last night my son was tired and had a meltdown like he hasn't had in months. (I fed him at the beginning of this meltdown in hopes it was just blood sugar related.  Didn't work this time.)  

Last night my son also had baseball practice leaving me trying to decide what to do about a 6 year old who couldn't go 2 minutes without crying for about 90 minutes.

During this my Facebook status said: I hate making hard parenting decisions. I hate having to be the bad guy. I hate having to make inconvenient decisions. I'm just holding on to the knowledge (hope??) that making these types of decisions now will lead to having an adult child with impulse control and who understands there are always natural consequences for our actions.

Interestingly enough, yesterday morning I had read Why Healthy Children Aren't Always Happy by Kristen at We are THAT Family.  I had left a comment for Kristen telling her I agree with her and that I'm willing to make decisions that are inconvenient and unpopular in order to do the right thing for my kids in the long run.  Just a few hours later it was time to put my money where my mouth is.

Here's a copy of the e-mail I sent to a friend last night looking for perspective:

  [My son] seemed fine this morning and he seemed fine at school (normal good behavior report from his teacher). Pretty much the minute he got in the car he started whining, crying and melting down. The kid is obviously exhausted.

I told him he had baseball practice and he had to get his homework done beforehand. The whining/crying continued and he didn't even try in his reading which he's normally very strong in (for example, just inserting anything that didn't even necessarily have the same letters). I told him if he didn't try and if he continued with the crying and whining he couldn't go to baseball. He didn't fulfill either requirement so I made the decision for no baseball. 
 
I tried calling my husband  for perspective/advice, but he's pretty distracted at work right now and basically said "It's your call"

Before I made the official call I asked him (who was whining he still wanted to go) "What did I say you had to do to go to baseball?" He told me. I asked him, "Did you do those things?" He admitted, "No" and then I told him he wasn't going. As he was crying about wanting to go I told him, "Ok. Next time you want to do something remember this. If you don't do what you're supposed to do you can't do fun things." I also told him I wanted him to go and I wanted him to have fun. I told him I didn't want to have to call his coach and say he couldn't go, but I had to because he didn't fulfill his end of the bargain.

I'm struggling with the he made a commitment to his team vs. the kid is tired and needs sleep. (Baseball practice is at 5:30 tonight. We probably wouldn't get home until about 7 and there would be a shower and the bed time routine so it would be another late night which would continue the vicious cycle). Granted, at this point they're not even keeping score and still doing the "an inning is when everyone bats, no matter how many outs they get" thing, but still. I also feel bad because he missed last Wednesday night's game for the last Cub Scout meeting of the year.

For the first time in a long time I was actually calm and rational through the whole thing (which usually never happens because I'm usually melting down with my child escalating the situation) so I'm taking that victory, but I'm not super confident in anything else.

I know this is all just because he's tired and needs sleep. I also know if he doesn't go to baseball he can go to bed earlier and get some sleep. I'm also trying to remind myself I gave him the opportunity to go, by explaining what needed to happen and he's the one who didn't live up to his end so I'm just following through on the parameters I laid out so he's having to pay the consequence. I'm just not sure if baseball practice should've been on the table to take away in the first place.

As I told my friend later in the e-conversation: even though he was tired his behavior was unacceptable and it was the behavior I was wanting to change.

Needless to say my son didn't go to baseball practice last night because of his behavior.  I called the coach and said he wasn't feeling well.  If this happens when he gets older (I hope it doesn't) then my son is going to have to be the one calling the coach and explaining to his teammates why he wasn't there.

The funny thing is that once my son knew the decision had been made and he wasn't going to sway me he calmed down and was a very cooperative kid.  I was able to get him in bed an hour early and he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.   A good night's sleep has fixed everything and he's back to being himself.

In case nobody has said it lately: This parenting thing is hard.

Thankful

Back in December I wrote about how thankful I am for my Moms in Prayer group.  My group meets at 9am on Monday.  At first I found the time inconvenient because first thing Monday morning my priority was getting the house "re-set" from the weekend and getting everything done I didn't get to on Saturday or Sunday.  I was jealous of my friends at other schools that have their meetings later in the week, because the first half of my week tends to be busier than the second half.

In the months since I've been meeting with these ladies I've become increasingly thankful for the time.  Sure, 9am on Monday isn't the most convenient, but I've come to love knowing that first thing Monday morning our school, our kids' teachers and our kids are being lifted up.  I know Monday mornings are hectic for everyone and I can't think of a better time to pray for teachers as they begin a long week of teaching our kids.

As we were praying today I was just overwhelmed with gratitude, not just that our group exists, but that we live in a country where we can openly meet as Christians.  I am well aware that all over the world Christians are being tortured, arrested and murdered for their beliefs.  I know Christians have to gather in underground communities to pray, worship and study God's word.

I'm thankful that I'm able to gather with other believers on the weekends to worship God corporately without concern for my safety, the safety of my family, or of my husband losing his job.  I'm thankful the ladies in my Moms in Prayer group and I are able to gather without the same concerns.

I'm thankful that if I want to acquire a copy of the Bible it is easy to do so.  I can download a free app of the Bible.  I can order one online.  I can walk in to almost any store that sells books.  I can even send a Bible to someone in prison. Churches and ministries give Bibles away to those who want one, but don't have one. It is not an exaggeration to say that almost anyone in America who wants access to God's word can have it.  I am thankful for this.

Many of my brothers and sisters in Christ aren't nearly as fortunate.  Single pages of God's word are memorized, passed down, treasured and shared.  Those who have studied the Bible are asked to share their wisdom and God's truth is shared via story and word of mouth.

On this Monday morning my heart is full and I'm thankful . . .

Chip, please.

I haven't talked to a parent with kids still living at home who hasn't had to deal with their kids and technology.   It's part of our modern world.  It is a huge priority of ours to limit our kids use of technology and media.  We know it's going to be part of their world and we're not expecting our kids never to be exposed to it--we just want to limit it as much as possible.

One rule in our house that is hard and fast: the kids are not allowed to play with our smartphones or our tablets. Period. It's not negotiable and not something we're changing our minds on. It's something we feel very strongly about. We're not giving them a $400 piece of electronics to break.  Our kids (now 4 & 6) are only given books to keep them entertained on road trips (including those over 6 hours).  When my 4 year old is the only kid at my Moms in Prayer meeting every week and needs to be kept quiet while we pray she has a backpack of books to read and coloring books and crayons to keep her entertained.  If we're out to dinner (a very rare occurrence) the kids know that coloring on their placemats is their only source of entertainment.  If I have to wait at a doctor's appointment with the kids the backpack of books and coloring books comes with us.  Instead of teaching them to be entertained by electronics we want them to learn how to entertain themselves and how to handle themselves in "adult" situations without being pacified by electronics.

Our kids also have never owned any sort of handheld game like a Leapfrog or DS and I can't see a time where they will.  It's just not going to happen in our house.

I could write entire blogs about  our reasoning for each of these, but I won't right now.  I just thought I would get it out on the table.   (As a side note, every family is different and I get that.  This is what we do and what we're making work for us).

That was about entertainment when we're away from the house.  What about when we're home?  How do we handle the kids' endless requests to play computer (Thanks to hand-me-downs from relatives and Savers, a local secondhand store, the kids each have their own refurbished PC's), watch TV or play Wii?  We give them poker chips.

No, we're not teaching them to play poker (though my 6 year old is quite good at "adult" Yahtzee).   We use the poker chips to regulate "screen time", teach the kids time management and curb the "Just one more show . . . " whines.

I fully admit there were times the kids were watching TV, playing computer or playing Wii that I lost track of time and realized later just how long they'd been zoned out in front of a screen.  I knew something had to be done to keep me accountable, too.  During one of our trips to Savers I saw a box of poker chips and our system got developed.

Each kid has a Ziploc bag with their name on it that I keep on top of the fridge.  Every Monday I fill each bag with 1 blue chip, 4 red chips and 4 white chips for a total of 4 hours of "screen time" over the course of 7 days.  When someone asks to watch TV, play computer or play Wii I ask them what color chip they're going to give me and I set a timer accordingly.  Our oven and microwave each have a timer so it's not unusual for both timers to be set simultaneously.  If I'm cooking dinner and need one of the kitchen timers I use my cell phone to monitor screen time.

When chips are gone for the week, they're gone.  One week both kids ran out of chips on Wednesday.  They were bummed about the lack of electronics the rest of the week (including none on the weekends), but they quickly learned that if they want to be able to watch TV on Saturday they better not waste them all on Tuesday :)

We have been doing this for several months and it has worked out very well. My son is in all day Kindergarten and my daughter is in preschool 2 mornings a week.  My daughter does not get any more chips than my son.  During the week my son was on Spring Break he didn't get any extra chips.

Chips can (and are) lost as punishment.  My son's teacher has "Clip It" system in her classroom with 7 color "levels" indicating a child's behavior. Every child starts the day on green.  There are 3 colors up (pink, blue, purple) and 3 colors down (yellow, orange, red).  If my son gets the highest level (purple) I give him an extra red chip that day.

Chips can only be "cashed in" after homework and chores are done.

Before we used this the kids would often ignore my "Turn the TV off" commands or would ask for "Just one more game" on the Wii.  Now the timer is the bad guy, not me. :)  It doesn't matter if they're in the middle of the game or in the middle of a show---if the timer goes off they know they either need to give me a chip or turn the screen off.  Immediately.

Our kids' computers are locked down so that the only websites they can go to are DisneyJunior.com and DrSuess.com.  The only games they have on their computers are Reader Rabbit educational games. 

We realize that as our kids get older it may not be as easy (or desirable) to continue our ban on the kids' use of our smartphones and tablets.  We also realize that this system may not work forever, but it works for now.

Our Global Wall . . . It is finished!!!!

In November I wrote Leaving a Legacy where I mentioned a Global Wall we were going to put together in our hallway.   I updated that post with a bad cell phone picture I took in January to show what it looked like before I bought frames and shelves this week.

I am THRILLED to report that several months after I started the project it is finally finished! YAY!   Because the hallway is very narrow it was hard to get decent pictures or lighting, but here are the results! I have removed the pictures from the frames so if you want to see our friends' smiling faces you need to come visit me and I'll show you in person :)  The unframed pictures you see are our Compassion kids :)  I couldn't find frames to fit the cards sent to us by Compassion so I just tacked them to the wall. 

Yesterday, Kristen at We are THAT Family announced My Walls Talk.   My walls don't speak in words, but they speak in memories.

 

 

 

 

To give a bit of perspective as to the height of this wall . . . I am 5'3 and I would hit the bottom of the lowest shelf with my forehead if I weren't paying attention. The ceiling height is 10'.



As I stand back and look at this it brings a smile to my face. (I'm also thankful I don't live in CA because some of these priceless pieces would be extremely vulnerable in an earthquake). Every day I get to see the faces of our friends who live overseas and I get to see souvenirs from trips we've made around the world and ones friends have brought us from their travels.   I am not very crafty, nor am I good at decorating so this is a HUGE accomplishment for me.  It is not an exaggeration to say this hallway is now my favorite part of the house :)