The Voice of Experience

In last night's blog I wrote part of what I would say to me at 16.   Before I wrote last night's entry, I had seen that same question on a forum I belong to and had asked it on my facebook page.   I saw several answers to that question, ranging from the funny to the serious.  Every response I had read was from a woman who is now in her 30's, 40's, or 50's.  These friends (some of whom I only "know" online) vary in socioeconomic status, race and religion. 

As I read the responses of women in my life, whose age and experience is varied, I noticed a common theme in their answers.  From my unscientific research I noticed the biggest message these women had for their younger selves was: He's not worth it.

I thought that was interesting and profound.  I know when we're in high school it seems like our friends, and the relationships we have, are the most important thing in the world.  I know when we're in high school we think these relationships are going to "last forever".  As teenage girls we believe him when he tells us he loves us.  We think the boy who asked us to prom is "the one" we'll be with forever.  Basically, we think he feels the same way about us as we do about him.

The "it" my friends referred to wasn't always about sex, but sometimes they just wanted their younger self to know the boy they are "in love with" at 16 isn't worth the emotions, the drama, the feeling of being liked, etc. that they thought it was at the time.  I didn't date in high school (not by choice, I just was never asked out), but I know what it's like to be in my 20's and be so lonely that I would go out with anybody who asked.  I know what it's like to compromise my standards and convictions because I wanted to be loved (I would've even settled for being liked . . .).  I know what it's like to turn a blind eye to smooth talking and to believe the words he was saying because I wanted them to be true.

I started thinking about this post as I was writing last night.  This morning a wise woman wrote on her facebook page, "Dear teenage girls: Cinderella didn't need to take off her dress to get her Prince Charming, and neither do you!" 

To all my friends who are where I was--whether you're 13, 16, 26 or older . . . . He's not worth it until God has ordained it.  It sounds cliche, and it's hard to quantify, but you'll know when it's right.  The Bible says "Love is not self seeking".  When you are loved by a man who truly loves you, you'll be amazed and surprised at what love looks like.  Love won't look like empty promises, smooth words or pressure like "If you truly loved me you'd . . . "



P.S. Girls, of all the couples I knew in high school, only ONE is still married to a person they dated at 16.  Several got married straight out of school, but only ONE got their happily ever after . . .