Fear

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"  Philippians 4:6,7

This was one of the first verses I memorized after I started following Jesus.  It is a verse I have had to repeat and meditate on repeatedly.  As I continually ponder this verse and cling to the truth it proclaims I say it like this "Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, WITH THANKGIVING present your requests to God.  And the PEACE OF GOD which transcends ALL understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"

Fear is a huge struggle of mine.  Even as a child I remember losing sleep because I was worrying about something.  I absolutely cling to God's promise that His peace transcends all understanding.  I have begged, pleaded and cried out to God for this peace over the years.  More often than not I don't allow God's peace to reign because I'm trying to push it out with my own worries, fears and anxieties.  The reality is I often think I'm more in control than God is.

I am  thankful for a God that hears my cries.  I'm thankful that I follow the Prince of Peace (not coincidentally, my favorite name for Jesus . . . ) who loves me despite my lack of faith . . .

I've heard from preachers several times who have said that the word "fear" appears 365 times in the Bible--one for each day.  I've never verified this for myself, but even the fact I've heard different preachers say this over the years is proof I'm not alone in allowing my fears to consume me at times.

Tonight is another night in my life where worry and fear are keeping me up at night.  I have a fear of snakes.  It's a debiltating phobia that prevents me from enjoying activities (like hiking) that I otherwise would.  Honestly, I can't even look at photographs of snakes without having serious anxiety issues.

I've always lived in parts of the country where these creatures exist, but it wasn't until April that I was unexpectedly in the presence of a snake in the wild.  The biggest problem (besides the snake itself) was the snake's "wild" wasn't a beautiful desert mountain, covered with wildflowers.  No, this "wild" was in my backyard.  I was planting my garden and spending time with my 4 year old son in one part of the yard and crossing the grass to the other side when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a snake dart along our side fence and speed toward the corner of our lot, where we share a block wall with a neighbor.  I immediately screamed, grabbed my son's arm and ran in the house to get my husband.  

The peace and security I feel in my own backyard was ruined by coming face to body with my biggest phobia for 3 seconds.    My husband went out beating bushes with a metal pole and couldn't find the snake, but found the hole in our block wall fence where it escaped into the neighbor's yard.   Presumably the snake entered through the same hole.  I tried convincing my husband he needed to dig down 6" and fill the hole with concrete, but the ever logical desert native he is reminded me that wouldn't help because snakes dig. I was also told  he wasn't surprised since he's seen several snake holes in that corner of the yard since we moved in 3 years ago.  WHAT!?!?!   (He tried to comfort me by telling me they weren't active because he always fills them in and they don't reappear)

Based on my description my husband deduced it was a Red Racer and that it was a "good" snake to have because it was non-venemous and it eats rattlesnakes.  I informed my husband that there's no such thing as a good snake (ask Eve).  I also told him that didn't make me feel better because having the beast in our yard meant there was a food source.   (By the way, if you want to see a picture of a red racer you'll have to google it yourself because I'm not searching for a picture to link for you)

All of that brings me to tonight.  For the past few months my fear of snakes has kept me from enjoying my backyard.  The few times I've been outside my husband has been with me, and I've never relaxed.  My kids beg to play in the backyard during the day and I'm keeping them inside because I'm scared to go out and play with them for fear we might see another sliterhing reptile.  Tonight I am anxious and restless because I know I should take my kids outside, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it without my husband home to first "secure the location".

Writing this all out and admitting it is reminding me how irrational I'm being, but isn't that what fear does?  Fear makes us act irrationally. 

What do you fear?  Does it consume you? Does fear control your actions, like it has mine? How do you handle your fears?

Tomorrow I'm going to take the first step in not letting fear consume me by taking my kids outside after their rest time to play in the sprinklers.   Please join me in praying that birds will be the only wild life who will grace us with their presence . . .