Timing is Everything

Today is November 8, 2011.  9 years ago today I was at home in Arizona instead of in Columbus, Ohio.  9 years ago today I watched my last roommate get married.  9 years ago today a guy I was kind of/sort of seeing turned 30.  9 years ago today I accepted an invitation from a girl I'd met through my 2nd job to hang out with her and her friends.  9 years ago today I first met the man who I would eventually share a last name with, who would become the father of my children, and who I thank God for every day.  9 years ago today I met my husband.

******

Saturday night my husband and I attended church where the pastor preached the first in a series on Jonah.  Our pastor pointed out that, like Jonah, we've all tried to run away from God and do things our own way. The message reminded me of a time in my life where I'd tried doing things my way, felt beaten down inside, and ran back to God crying out, "Ok, I'm DONE.  I'm tired of all of this. I'm tired of fighting.  I'm tired of running. I'm just DONE. I've tried doing things my way and I've screwed up.  I give up!  You were right! Please forgive me!"  Sunday morning my facebook status (and a follow up comment) read:

So much to be thankful for today. In light of last night's message [at church] I am going to praise God for the grace and mercy He showed me Monday, November 4, 2002 when I was a passenger on a Southwest flight from Nashville. I was done running and sick of screwing things up by trying to do them my way. In His perfect grace He welcomed me home.  Interestingly enough on Friday, November 8, 2002 I attended my roommate's wedding and then went miniature golfing with a friend who invited me to "tag along" with her and friends from her church. One of her friends was [my husband]. 

******

I made the decision to follow Jesus my freshman year of college while I was attending a Christian school.  After graduation, I started working as a flight attendant and had started making compromises. I began distancing myself from my friends who I knew would "call me out" for my behavior.  I was stuck in a weird middle ground where I was "too Christian" for my work friends, but not "Christian enough" for my other friends.  Every once in awhile I would try to start "living right", but eventually I'd slowly start stumbling again.  2002 was one of those years I was stumbling along.

Off and on, throughout 2002 I had been seeing a guy, "Mike", who lived in Columbus, Ohio and worked for the same airline I did.  We'd see each other if I was in town. It wasn't a relationship-it was just convenient.   Mike wasn't really that nice to me and he had stood me up a few times.  I had vowed several times I wasn't going back to Columbus and if I did I wasn't going to call him.  I never kept either promise to myself.  Mike didn't make empty promises or try to win me over with smooth words.  Really, my attraction to him was that he paid attention to me.  Nothing else.  We didn't have much in common and he ridiculed me for my faith.  The fact I kept calling him when I was in town, despite these things, is evidence of what a bad place I was in.

Mike's 30th birthday was coming up on Friday, November 8 and he didn't have plans.  I had about 10 days off and came up with the idea that I'd fly out to see him.  The problem with my plan was I had several commitments during my time off, including a trip to Nashville to visit a friend and my roommate's wedding the night of his birthday.  Mike hadn't invited me out to see him, but I had decided I was going to back out of my commitments and I invited myself to Ohio.  (Yes, I was planning on skipping my roommate's wedding to see this not-so-nice-to-me-guy).

I don't even remember how it started, but I distinctly remember reading my Bible and journaling on the Southwest flight home from Nashville.  By the time my flight landed in Phoenix I had been changed.  I had laid everything at the feet of Jesus and had cried out to God (literally and figuratively) for His help. Though I had tried to "start over" several times during my years as a flight attendant this day was different.  I cried out to God like I hadn't ever before.  Instead of just hoping this time was different I KNEW it was.  This time I knew I was different.  I was going to live how God wanted me to.  I was going to leave guys like Mike in my past and move forward.

I fulfilled my commitments in Arizona Tuesday and Thursday of that week.  On Friday, November 8, I was preparing for my roommate's wedding when a girl, "Lisa", I had met as a customer at my second job invited me to go out to dinner with her and her friends.  Lisa told me they were meeting at 7.  My roommate's wedding ceremony started at 7.  Lisa had invited me out with her friends several times before, but I had always been out of town.  This time I was in town and didn't want to decline Lisa's invitation, but I wanted to attend the wedding.    I told Lisa I'd already planned on skipping the reception because I didn't know anybody and she suggested I give her a call after the ceremony because they would probably do something after dinner.

******

The man I share this life with is one of Lisa's friends I met that night.   I sometimes wonder what my life would've been like had I gone to Columbus for Mike's 30th birthday, instead of staying in Arizona for my roommate's wedding.   God's perfect timing amazes me.  Lisa had invited me to hang out with her friends several times before that night, but the timing never worked. The conversation I had with God on that Southwest flight changed me and my perspective on future dating relationships (I had no idea that my next one would also be my last).

One November evening in 2002 God introduced me to a man who had waited 36 years for his wife to be ready.  I finally was.

The Voice of Experience

In last night's blog I wrote part of what I would say to me at 16.   Before I wrote last night's entry, I had seen that same question on a forum I belong to and had asked it on my facebook page.   I saw several answers to that question, ranging from the funny to the serious.  Every response I had read was from a woman who is now in her 30's, 40's, or 50's.  These friends (some of whom I only "know" online) vary in socioeconomic status, race and religion. 

As I read the responses of women in my life, whose age and experience is varied, I noticed a common theme in their answers.  From my unscientific research I noticed the biggest message these women had for their younger selves was: He's not worth it.

I thought that was interesting and profound.  I know when we're in high school it seems like our friends, and the relationships we have, are the most important thing in the world.  I know when we're in high school we think these relationships are going to "last forever".  As teenage girls we believe him when he tells us he loves us.  We think the boy who asked us to prom is "the one" we'll be with forever.  Basically, we think he feels the same way about us as we do about him.

The "it" my friends referred to wasn't always about sex, but sometimes they just wanted their younger self to know the boy they are "in love with" at 16 isn't worth the emotions, the drama, the feeling of being liked, etc. that they thought it was at the time.  I didn't date in high school (not by choice, I just was never asked out), but I know what it's like to be in my 20's and be so lonely that I would go out with anybody who asked.  I know what it's like to compromise my standards and convictions because I wanted to be loved (I would've even settled for being liked . . .).  I know what it's like to turn a blind eye to smooth talking and to believe the words he was saying because I wanted them to be true.

I started thinking about this post as I was writing last night.  This morning a wise woman wrote on her facebook page, "Dear teenage girls: Cinderella didn't need to take off her dress to get her Prince Charming, and neither do you!" 

To all my friends who are where I was--whether you're 13, 16, 26 or older . . . . He's not worth it until God has ordained it.  It sounds cliche, and it's hard to quantify, but you'll know when it's right.  The Bible says "Love is not self seeking".  When you are loved by a man who truly loves you, you'll be amazed and surprised at what love looks like.  Love won't look like empty promises, smooth words or pressure like "If you truly loved me you'd . . . "



P.S. Girls, of all the couples I knew in high school, only ONE is still married to a person they dated at 16.  Several got married straight out of school, but only ONE got their happily ever after . . .

Dear You at 16:

Though I didn't hear it myself, I heard from friends that there was a question on the radio today that asked, "If you could go back and talk to yourself at 16 what would you say?"  I saw the question on a forum and then asked it on my facebook page.  I made a few observations that I'll write about later, but for now here's (part of)* my letter:

Dear Heidi:
High school has been pretty rough for you, hasn't it? I know you are concerned about your weight. I know you wonder what's wrong with you and why nobody's asking you out. I know you think you're ugly and that you wish you looked like the other girls at school. I know finding real friends has been a struggle for you.  I know you feel like you don't fit in.  I know you're waking up in the middle of the night crying your eyes out for hours at a time, without knowing why you're doing it.

I know you think Mom and Dad are too strict. Maybe they are, but they're strict because they love you. Yes, you're a bit sheltered, but you know what? That's not the worst thing in the world. In fact, you will become a strict parent, too. Having rules and boundaries at 16 may seem like a drag, but it won't take you too long to figure out you were better off not doing the things you were wanting to. At 35 you'll have less regrets than most people you know. Regrets are one thing it's always best to have few of.

I promise things will get better for you.  Who you are at 16 is NOT who you are for life. Heck, the person you see in the mirror right now is not who you will be in 2 years.  These years are a part of your story, but they aren't your entire story.  There will be a time, in the not too distant future, where you're going to have a hard time remembering the things that seem so important to you right now.  As important as it seems like high school is, it's not.  College is where you'll form friendships you have for life and it's where you'll grow in to your own.

You will go away to college and form amazing friendships that will last a lifetime. 3 years from now you won't even know where your high school friends are living, but your roommate from your freshman year of college will straighten the train of your wedding dress and be one of the first people you call when your children are born.

When you get to college you'll be able to "start over" and truly be who you are, without anybody elses' expectations.  You will struggle, but you will become stronger than you ever thought you could be.  After a few rough years, and some big mistakes, you will come out on the other side with a strength and independence that only comes from experience.

There will be some amazing people that come into your life.  Pay attention and listen to their wisdom.  Don't blow off those who are older than you who are trying to tell you what they wished they knew at your age.  With age comes perspective and experience.  You may not think their words apply to you, but later on you'll think, "She was right . . . "

Though you can't see it now, things turn out very well for you.  In fact, they'll turn out better than you can possibly imagine.  You will get married to an amazing guy and have great kids.  It may not happen as early as you wanted thought it would, but the right guy is DEFINITELY worth the wait and you will never regret your decision to marry him.  In your circle of friends you may feel like an "old maid" for not walking down the aisle until you were 27, but it's a lot less time than the 37 years your husband waited to say, "I do" (and 27 isn't that old . . .)

Life is GREAT at 35! Enjoy the ride . . .

Love,
You

P.S.  You are much better looking in your 30's than you were at 16 . . .





What would your letter to yourself say?


*Considering I'm posting this on the internet there are some things I omitted because they are best not said in the public domain . . .

Twist on Tomatoes

First off . . . the title of this blog is fully credited to my friend, Lauren.  Secondly, this is NOT a food/cooking blog so I'm not entirely sure how I find myself writing about food AGAIN, but here I am . . . .

I'm not a chef.  I'm not even a really good cook.  I'm just a Mom who has to put dinner on the table every night.  I run out of ideas fairly quickly and I love my Funky Freezer Girls group, who make it easy to serve my family a homemade meal every night.

Tonight was leftover night at my house.  I realized after dinner last night that we had a lot of leftovers in the fridge, so I told warned my husband we'd be having leftovers tonight.  I ended up grabbing a handful of grape tomatoes out of the package and gave them to the kids as their side.  As I was washing the tomatoes I noticed that they were starting to turn.  I'm a huge proponent of "waste not/want not" so I tried to figure out what to do with about a pound of grape tomatoes before they went bad. I started thinking and vaguely remember something about roasting tomatoes.  I also wondered if that's how a "real Italian" would turn fresh tomatoes in to tomato sauce . . .

I did a quick search for "roasting grape tomatoes" and found several pages of recipes. While my husband was helping the kids get ready for bed I lined a cookie sheet with foil.  I spread out the remaining tomatoes.  I added all the garlic I had on hand (about 11 cloves), covered everything with olive oil and then sprinkled on salt and pepper.   In true Heidi fashion I didn't measure anything.  I preheated the oven to 425 and then stuck the cookie sheet of tomatoes and garlic inside.  I set the timer for 35 minutes.  About 10-15 minutes in my husband heard "popping" in the oven and opened the door, only to be greeted by smoke.  By then I was helping our son brush his teeth and my husband told me, "You're cleaning the oven after whatever you're doing in there".  Because I'm lazy and HATE to clean I went and pulled the cookie sheet out of the oven.  I poured any and all "loose" olive oil into a bowl.  I turned the oven to 275 and went back to helping with the bed time routine.

Once the kids were in bed I pulled my roasted tomato/garlic combination out of the oven and scraped it into my food processor.   Once the tomatoes turned into sauce I tasted some and . . . I swear I heard angels singing.

This is the first time I have EVER been THRILLED about something this amazing that I just threw together.  WOW!  I was really regretting the plate of leftovers I had just consumed because I could sit and eat that sauce straight out of the bowl all night. AMAZING!!!  I don't have words to describe the pure ecstasy I felt while tasting it.

Because my husband and I don't have a baby-sitter we don't have date nights. We might go out to dinner a couple times a year, but it's generally a quick meal out and we're home within 2 hours of leaving.  To compensate for our lack of "dates" I occasionally cook a really nice dinner for us after the kids go to bed.  I already told hubby that we're having a date night in tomorrow night.  I'm going to cook some pasta for this sauce and we're going to ENJOY!

I don't really have a recipe to pass on and I don't know if I'll ever be able to re-create the incredible sauce I made tonight, but I guarantee I'll be heading to Costco soon to buy a HUGE batch of tomatoes and several heads of garlic to make sauce and freeze, in hopes I'm able to replicate tonight's perfection!

Saving Time and Money

I'm not Martha Stewart and I don't claim to be anything other than a Domestic Diva Wannabe, but last night I was having a conversation with a friend on facebook about ways to save time and money, when it comes to making dinner.

My friend works fulll time and has a 2 year old.  By the time she gets home from work she has about 90 minutes to make dinner, eat dinner and then get her daughter in bed. My position in life is a bit different because I stay at home with my two kids, but I still don't want to spend any more time doing prep work than I have to since I have two "helpers" underfoot and nobody to keep them busy while I'm cooking.  Also, I'm just lazy.

During our brainstorming session here are a few of the things we discussed:

Doing prep work once

*Does your recipe call for only half of an onion? Cut up the entire onion, stick the unused half in the freezer and save for later. 

*Are you marinating meat to put on the grill tonight? Make a double batch of marinade.  Use one batch tonight and fill a ziploc with the other half, stick the meat in it and freeze.  When you go to defrost the meat later it'll already be marinated and ready to cook. This is one of my favorite marinades and I almost always have it in my freezer.

Freeze fruits and veggies when they're on sale

*This goes along with only doing prep work once.  My kids LOVE to snack on red bell peppers.  This year I have been able to buy them in season for 3 for $1. Out of season the same peppers cost at least $1.50/each.  When they're in season, and on sale, I buy about 10-15 peppers and then slice them.  I spread the sliced peppers onto a cookie sheet and freeze.  Once solid I transfer the peppers into a ziploc bag.  Later I can reach in and grab my kids a couple to snack on or throw them into a recipe like fajitas or soup.

*I use this same method with berries.  I wash the berries and spread them on a cookie sheet to freeze.  I slice strawberries before freezing, but leave blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries whole.  Once frozen I put them in a ziploc.  Later I use the frozen berries to make smoothies for my kids or to add to hot oatmeal.

Cook in bulk

*I cook 5-6 chicken breasts at a time. We'll eat two for dinner that night and then I dice the others and freeze them in single serve portions so I can add the meat later to soups, chilis, enchilladas, salads, pasta, etc. In addition to the time savings of having pre-cooked chicken on hand, I'm saving money because I'm able to buy when meat is on sale and I'm only using the electricity to heat my oven once. I am also saving time because I'm only having to do dishes once.

*As one of the original members of the Funky Freezer Girls I am a huge fan of freezer cooking.  You don't have to do Once A Month Cooking or be part of an exchange group in order to make your life easier using your freezer.  If you make your own pasta sauce, make a double batch and freeze half by putting it in a ziploc bag and lying it flat in your freezer until frozen.  If you make enchilladas, lasagna, or another casserole that goes in an 9x13 pan place the recipe in 2 8x8 pans.  Stick one pan in the oven for dinner that night and the other in the freezer for later.  The night before you're going to have your freezer meal, put it in the fridge to defrost and pop it in the oven after work. 


This is, in no way, a comprehensive list, but I pray it'll help you get the creative juices flowing in ways that you can save yourself time, stress and money.  Just because you don't have time to cook doesn't mean you have to eat out or eat processed food!

Jesus chose HIM!?!?

This summer my church issued a "100 Day Challenge" where they challenged everyone to read one chapter of the Bible a day and journal using the SOAP method.  The SOAP method consists of journaling a key Scripture that God used to speak to you, writing an Observation about that passage, writing an Application of that Scripture and concluding with a Prayer about it.   I was very excited about this because, without knowing it, I developed a similar method over the years for myself when doing my quiet time.  Unfortunately, I fell behind early in the game and have yet to catch up.  Because God is who He is, He has used my laziness and spoke to me exactly at the right time, even though it's not on the "schedule" the church suggests.  

Last month I had a very rough night where some friendship issues I'd been dealing with for awhile got the best of me and I ended up in the bathroom crying over a stranger/sister in Christ.  The next morning I read Matthew 10 and was wondering, "What verse am I going to journal about because none are 'popping out' at me?"  (I am very task oriented and I WAS going to write about something doggoneit).   I decided I would write about the calling of the disciples where Matthew writes "These are the names of the twelve apostles: first, Simon (who is called Peter) and his brother Andrew; James son of Zebedee, and his brother John; Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus; Simon the Zealot and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him"

What sticks out of me is that description of Judas.  Matthew wrote, "Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him"  I thought about that for a minute and wondered, "Why would Jesus intentionally choose Judas as an apostle when He knew that Judas was going to betray Him?  That's weird.  Why would He invest himself in someone like that and allow that person to be in his inner circle? "  I was completely stumped and confused.  I guarantee if I were choosing people to invest my life in and teach I wouldn't pick someone I knew was going to hand me over to those who wanted me killed.

Coming off the hurt I'd recently been experiencing (and less than 12 hours after I was crying all over a stranger in the ladies room) I realized, "Jesus knows what it's like to be betrayed by a friend!"  I immediately remembered Hebrews 4:15, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin."  Before I could fully process that, God continued to speak to me through this passage and I realized that Jesus knows that, as a mere human, I will betray him in my lifetime and He still loves me, has chosen me (Not the time to discuss Calvinism and predestination) and has invested in me.  Wow.  I'm really not that much different than Judas, am I?

The more I thought about this passage, and this new lesson God is teaching me, the more I realized I need to approach my relationships the same way Jesus did: Even though Jesus knew Judas was going to fail Him Jesus loved him anyway. Even though I may fail my friends, and they may fail me (we're all human, after all) we need to love each other anyway . . .

You Think You Know Someone

It's been nearly 9 years since I first met my husband, and over 7 years since the March evening we got married.  I like to think I know my husband pretty well and that I'm no longer surprised or impressed by anything he says does.  I've always admired and respected his loyalty to his friends.  I've known he is a man of amazing character and strength.  I've known that there is nothing my husband wouldn't do for someone he loves. As his wife, and the mother of his children, I have seen my husband be our family's fiercest protector and our biggest champion.  This week I saw how far he would go to help a friend . . .

Since I met my husband I've known he's had a friend since 3rd grade.  Though they have lived in separate states their entire adult lives, these two men have remained close and have "done life" together for nearly 40 years.  These friends, whose friendship was formed on an elementary school playground, are now 45 and have seen each other through girlfriends, breakups, marriages, a divorce, re-marriage, the birth of their children, sick siblings, etc. 

Tuesday morning we got word that this friend's mom had passed away in their hometown, 200 miles from where we live.  Upon hearing the news of Mrs. M's passing, my husband called his boss and took the rest of the week off to be available to his friend.  Over the past few days I have seen just how far my husband will go to do whatever he can to help his hurting friend and I am incredibly proud to be his wife.  While his friend began the grieving process my husband was by his side, just as he has been for years, and like he will be for the rest of their lives.

I got home last night to find this posted on my facebook wall from our friend's wife : "The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. "  ~ Elisabeth Foley

The truth is my husband doesn't see his actions over the past few days as anything special, but I think that's what makes him even more remarkable. In this day and age it's rare to find friends and friendships that last decades and remain strong.  Have I mentioned how proud I am to be married to this man?