No, we haven't changed our mind about public school, but I am currently venturing into the world of homeschooling our son while he is on summer break. Come August he will be enrolled in 1st grade at the same neighborhood school where he attended Kindergarten.
I have long been of the belief that in order for a child to get the most out of their education Mom & Dad need to be involved. Part of that involvement, in my opinion, is by enriching at home. After meeting with our son's Kindergarten teacher several times this year she has helped us to see areas where he is excelling and needs to be challenged beyond what I had expected to do with him at home
As a result of the conversations with his teacher, I'm "homeschooling" him this summer. My son is like me and he loves to learn and do workbooks. The balance we'll need to find this summer is between doing his enrichment stuff to keep him academically engaged, while still giving him a chance to have fun and have a summer break. Right now I'm planning on doing less than an hour of school a day.
I'm trying to cover every subject this summer so he's ready to hit the ground running in August. My son LOVES math and is very strong in it, so the math work we're doing is under the direction of his Kindergarten teacher. Since math is his favorite/strongest subject we're going to be doing math almost every day since the crazy kid thinks that's fun. (He OBVIOUSLY didn't get that from me!) When his teacher explained to us how strong he is in math, she suggested I work with him at home. I told her we had work books and she said, "No--he needs curriculum". Um . . . ok. I guess we're doing curriculum. In addition to the resources that have been recommended to me by my friends who homeschool full-time I have taken suggestions from his Kindergarten teacher and have borrowed resources from her. Because I was in my son's Kindergarten class about 2-3 (sometimes 4) times a month I know what type of work he is used to doing and what the 1st grade teachers at his school will be expecting he knows.
Through doing a Swagbucks search for other ideas this morning I found Peace, Love and First Grade which may become my new favorite website for finding ideas for my soon to be first grader! One thing I printed today from there will be his writing assignment tomorrow.
Two days in this is what our "school day" has looked like.
Day 1: 6 pages of Math-U-See worksheets, 10 minutes of reading to me, 10 minutes of me reading to him
Day 2: Math-U-See Beta video, 30 minutes of writing practice
I am NOT good at math and joke he's going to eclipse my math abilities by 4th grade, but fortunately the Math-U-See videos do the teaching and I just guide him through them. (Since he's working on adding and subtracting 3 digit numbers as well as multiplication of single digit numbers he hasn't passed me, yet. PHEW!!) We'll do some science experiements, too, but those intimidate me at least as much as math (if not more since I don't have the teacher on the video to guide me).
Part of why I don't think homeschooling will work for us is I know I'm not disciplined enough (or patient enough) to be my kids' only teacher, but I am enjoying this one on one time with my son while his sister has rest time in her room every day.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
It's on my mind . . .
Last Sunday night I signed off of Facebook. I checked once about an hour later because I have no will power. About midweek I was on for less than 2 minutes (I can't remember why, but probably because I needed a "fix"). Friday I went on for less than 30 seconds to accept a friend request I knew was coming and to post a link to It's Over!.
That's it. I haven't "liked" anything, commented on a status, seen a picture or posted a status update in over a week. That's a record for me. I've gone a few days before while being out of town, and away from internet while in the mountains, but this is the longest I've been home and off of Facebook since I joined in January, 2009.
Honestly, I haven't missed it as much as I thought I would (from a confirmed Facebook addict). A week away has been a good thing and I'm not sure when I'm going back.
I'm still thinking in Facebook statuses, though.
Since I'm not signed on to Facebook here are a few status updates I normally would've posted:
**It turns out I wasn't emotional about today being my son's last day of Kindergarten--until I saw a friend at the after school pick up and said "Last day of Kindergarten". THEN the tears came. Wow.
**After going to The Yard this weekend which was simultaneously family friendly AND a very cool "seen and be seen" type of place I'm thankful I'm no longer single and doing the whole bar scene thing.
**For a moment, while at the "seen and be seen" restaurant/bar/hangout spot I was looking enviously at the young girls in their cute clothes, perfect hair/make up and "I haven't had two kids" bodies and then I realized---I wouldn't trade places with them for anything in the world. First of all, even when I was young and in my 20's I didn't look like that, but most importantly, I have a man who loves me, who supports me and who I get to raise 2 kids with. I bet many of those girls are jealous of me :)
**I'm thankful that people my husband has known for nearly 40 years are not only people we're still in touch with, but ones that I couldn't imagine "doing life" without
**Celebrating the 16th birthday of one of the flower girls from our wedding! As crazy as that is, it's even crazier to me that [my son] is basically the same age now as she was then. (We got married 2 months before she turned 7. Our son will be 7 in just a little less than 3 months)
**One thing I'm NOT going to miss now that school is over for the summer? Sand from my son's shoes EVERYWHERE, including in the dryer's lint trap.
**After a wonderful 3 day weekend of family time I'm really not looking forward to [my husband] having to go back to work tomorrow
**Out of habit I went straight to my closet after waking up to get dressed for the day. After realizing we didn't need to be out the door first thing this morning I decided to stay in my pj's a little while longer :)
**The first order of business on the first official day of summer vacation is going to the grocery store. Not anybody's 1st choice in activities for the day, but since we all like to eat having food in the house is a must (and can't be delayed any longer)
**I can already tell what one of my favorite things about summer vacation is going to be: my kids can entertain each other (when her big brother is at school my daughter gets lonely and must be the center of my attention). I can also already tell what is going to be one of my least favorite things about summer vacation: the fighting :)
**My son happened to see that tonight's ESPN game is the Angels vs. the Dodgers! Since playing on the Dodgers this year in Little League he's become a huge Dodgers fan--and he KNOWS how Mommy feels about the Angels. If the game weren't on at bedtime (and if he didn't get so cranky if he stays up late) we would watch it together :)
**Just went BIG grocery shopping (as in Mother Heidi's cupboards were BARE) with both kids for the first time in a long time. I quickly remembered why this is one of the things I fantasized about doing alone for many years and why it's a chore best accomplished while the kids are at school/preschool :)
**While I can't forsee it being full-time for our family for a variety of reasons, Summer Homeschool Day 1 is successfully in the books! Most importantly, neither the student nor the mommy teacher cried or yelled. Yay us!
That's it. I haven't "liked" anything, commented on a status, seen a picture or posted a status update in over a week. That's a record for me. I've gone a few days before while being out of town, and away from internet while in the mountains, but this is the longest I've been home and off of Facebook since I joined in January, 2009.
Honestly, I haven't missed it as much as I thought I would (from a confirmed Facebook addict). A week away has been a good thing and I'm not sure when I'm going back.
I'm still thinking in Facebook statuses, though.
Since I'm not signed on to Facebook here are a few status updates I normally would've posted:
**It turns out I wasn't emotional about today being my son's last day of Kindergarten--until I saw a friend at the after school pick up and said "Last day of Kindergarten". THEN the tears came. Wow.
**After going to The Yard this weekend which was simultaneously family friendly AND a very cool "seen and be seen" type of place I'm thankful I'm no longer single and doing the whole bar scene thing.
**For a moment, while at the "seen and be seen" restaurant/bar/hangout spot I was looking enviously at the young girls in their cute clothes, perfect hair/make up and "I haven't had two kids" bodies and then I realized---I wouldn't trade places with them for anything in the world. First of all, even when I was young and in my 20's I didn't look like that, but most importantly, I have a man who loves me, who supports me and who I get to raise 2 kids with. I bet many of those girls are jealous of me :)
**I'm thankful that people my husband has known for nearly 40 years are not only people we're still in touch with, but ones that I couldn't imagine "doing life" without
**Celebrating the 16th birthday of one of the flower girls from our wedding! As crazy as that is, it's even crazier to me that [my son] is basically the same age now as she was then. (We got married 2 months before she turned 7. Our son will be 7 in just a little less than 3 months)
**One thing I'm NOT going to miss now that school is over for the summer? Sand from my son's shoes EVERYWHERE, including in the dryer's lint trap.
**After a wonderful 3 day weekend of family time I'm really not looking forward to [my husband] having to go back to work tomorrow
**Out of habit I went straight to my closet after waking up to get dressed for the day. After realizing we didn't need to be out the door first thing this morning I decided to stay in my pj's a little while longer :)
**The first order of business on the first official day of summer vacation is going to the grocery store. Not anybody's 1st choice in activities for the day, but since we all like to eat having food in the house is a must (and can't be delayed any longer)
**I can already tell what one of my favorite things about summer vacation is going to be: my kids can entertain each other (when her big brother is at school my daughter gets lonely and must be the center of my attention). I can also already tell what is going to be one of my least favorite things about summer vacation: the fighting :)
**My son happened to see that tonight's ESPN game is the Angels vs. the Dodgers! Since playing on the Dodgers this year in Little League he's become a huge Dodgers fan--and he KNOWS how Mommy feels about the Angels. If the game weren't on at bedtime (and if he didn't get so cranky if he stays up late) we would watch it together :)
**Just went BIG grocery shopping (as in Mother Heidi's cupboards were BARE) with both kids for the first time in a long time. I quickly remembered why this is one of the things I fantasized about doing alone for many years and why it's a chore best accomplished while the kids are at school/preschool :)
**While I can't forsee it being full-time for our family for a variety of reasons, Summer Homeschool Day 1 is successfully in the books! Most importantly, neither the student nor the mommy teacher cried or yelled. Yay us!
Sunday, May 26, 2013
My Hysterectomy
Warning: This blog is personal, as you can probably gather by the title. In the year since I knew I was having this surgery I have been met with a lot of questions about why I had it a month after turning 36. I am writing it to answer some of the "why" questions I've been asked and to relate my experience before, during and after. If you'd rather not read about "female stuff" I completely understand and am warning you so you can close your browser now :) Honestly, I feel a little weird posting something this personal on the internet, but at the same time it's something I've openly discussed with many people in the past few months and I find there are a lot of questions from women my age so I'm happy to educate based on what I've learned.
The long story short is I've had female problems since puberty. For years several remedies have been prescribed or recommended, but they've all been band-aids and I'd never found an answer to the "Why?" question I've asked countless doctors over the years.
I'd often heard that after having kids things can regulate themselves. From 12/05-12/09 I was pregnant or nursing all but a few months so I didn't really know if things were getting better or not. I had a few good months after I'd stopped nursing my second and I was excited. I had also done a lot of reading about peri-menopause and how a woman's late 30's and 40's can get fairly inconvenient in the years leading up to menopause.
A few months before my 35th birthday things started getting wonky again (or for me--normal). At my annual exam that year I mentioned it to my PCP and she ordered an ultrasound to rule out fibroids. My ultrasound didn't show anything unusual, so my PCP sent me to a gynecologist (one I had never seen. I no longer saw my OB after the birth of my second).
This particular gynecologist was not very patient friendly (actually he was a jerk). At first he just tried saying "If you think things are bad now wait until your 40's". This doctor wasn't listening and before I knew it I had a Mirena IUD, even though I had said repeatedly I did not want to be on artificial hormones. My husband and I had already made a permanent birth control decision so I wasn't using this for that purpose. I went in for a consult with that Dr. and ended up with it before I really had time to think or process since he presented it as my only option and made me make an immediate decision. For several reasons I walked out of that appointment knowing I would NEVER see that particular Dr. again. It truly was a horrible experience. (Thankfully a few months ago I received notice he is leaving that facility).
Immediately I had "buyer's remorse". When I started experiencing negative side effects I called another gynecologist's office (where several of my friends go) about having it removed. Because I'd only had it a few weeks I was told to "give it time" and was told "If you just want to stop bleeding have an ablation". I tried explaining to the nurse practitioner (couldn't see the OB/GYN) what I had explained to the gynecologist who gave me the Mirena--I wasn't looking to treat the symptoms--I wanted to treat the (unknown) cause, but she didn't listen any better than the first gynecologist I saw in this journey.
The Mirena was implanted in August and by mid-October I was breaking out in red, itchy welts. At first the welts came and went and were confined just to part of my legs. Initially I thought they were bug bites. I even washed all our bedding, vacuumed the mattress, vacuumed the box spring, etc. thinking they might be bed bugs since the welts tended to appear in the morning (which I've still never seen, thankfully!!!!). My husband pointed out that if they had been bed bugs he'd have bites, too and he didn't.
I couldn't predict when I would have them so I couldn't make an appointment with my PCP. Finally, one night they were bothering me so bad I went to my first ever visit to urgent care. The Dr. at urgent care told me I had hives and asked if I was on medication. I said, "No", but then remembered the Mirena and asked him if that could be the cause. The urgent care Dr. didn't know what Mirena was, and after I explained it, he told me that couldn't be the cause. I got home and went to Mirena's website where it states hives are a possible side effect. I was allergic to Mirena and it was making my life absolutely miserable.
I made an appointment with my PCP immediately and explained everything to her. Because my Dr. is an internist and not a gynecologist she couldn't take it out so I went back to the see the gyno that several of my friends see. By this time it was nearly a month after my visit to the urgent care and there were days I my entire stomach, bottom, arms and legs were covered in what looked like one giant welt/hive. To say I was miserable was an understatement. When (a different) nurse practitioner removed my Mirena she said "Since you only have this for bleeding we can do an ablation here in the office." and she sent me home with information.
For several months I was back to my "normal", extremely miserable cycle. Because I was desperate I went back to my friends' gyno. Again I wasn't able to see the Dr., but saw someone else (not sure if she was a nurse practitioner or a physician's assistant). Either way she, like the others in the office, kept pushing ablation. Every time I visited that office I really felt pressured to have the ablation and I was growing increasingly leery of the practice, even though it comes highly recommended by friends.
Desperate for answers I decided to follow through with the necessary steps toward ablation, even though I didn't feel totally comfortable with the idea. (Interestingly enough, when I went to the Dr. who ended up giving me the Mirena I went in looking for an ablation, but further research about the procedure, it's success rate and the unknown long term affects had me concerned). I made an appointment for an ultrasound to start the process. In 3 visits to the office I never met the Dr.
In the days between making the appointment for the ultrasound and the day of it, my husband was talking to a friend and somehow the subject of their wives medical journeys came up. This person's wife had been having horrendous female issues that made mine look normal. This person's wife even ended up in the ER several times and ended up with a doctor she loved, at the same medical facility where I had encountered the initial Dr. that I had no desire to ever see again. As my husband was telling me this story I asked him to find out the name of the doctor that his friend's wife was seeing. I called to make an appointment with that Dr. and was told he only does gynecologic oncology (thankfully this other woman wasn't seeing him for that, but she was definitely needing more specialized care than I was). The scheduler said, "We have two general gynecologists you could see." One was the person I had vowed never to see again and the other was a female. I wouldn't have cared if the other Dr. was Martian because I wasn't seeing the first one again.
The first appointment she had available was the same day I'd arranged childcare to have the ultrasound done at the office where all my friends go. I made the appointment with the new Dr. and cancelled my ultrasound. By this time it was about mid-April.
As soon as I saw the new Dr. and explained to her what had been going on since puberty and more recently she immediately said, "I know what's probably going on. You probably have adenomyosis. I know because I had it and your story is exactly like mine". (Some definitions, including the one linked say "adeno" is most commonly developed in middle age and after having had kids--mine has probably been around my entire life. Other definitions say it's most common in women who have had C-sections. I avoided a C-section with both of my deliveries). This Dr. also told me that because of where adenomyosis is there is no way to actually test for it or see it until a hysterectomy is done. A hysterectomy is the only cure. This Dr. also told me that if I'd gone ahead with the ablation I would probably be one of the 1/3 of women who describe their periods as "normal" after the procedure.
I was THRILLED meeting with this Dr. because she actually listened to me and presented a reason, instead of just trying to mask the symptoms as every other Dr. had since I was in jr. high and high school. Yes, the solution was drastic, but at least it would be a real solution to a real and not just a band-aid. The new Dr. scheduled another ultrasound to make sure I didn't have fibroids so, for the second time in a year, I was being checked for fibroids. Just as the previous ultrasound showed, there were none. After everything came back clear the Dr. called me herself (not a nurse or receptionist) and told me my next step was to meet with a gynecologic surgeon. That appointment was the beginning of May.
The surgeon agreed with the adenomyosis diagnosis and we talked about hysterectomy in detail and she answered my questions. We talked about the surgery itself, the recovery, the technique she would use, etc. She explained to me options and left the ball in my court telling me to go home, think about it, and let her know what I decided. This appointment was a week before my 36th birthday and nearly a year after I'd actively started the journey of trying to diagnose (and solve) the problems that had plagued me for over 20 years.
A few days later I called the scheduler and had my surgery date: Monday, June 18, the day after Father's Day.
The surgery was supposed to be outpatient, but because I had a 3 year old and a 5 year old my surgeon decided to have me stay overnight because she knew I'd rest better at the hospital than at home :) Because I hadn't had any C-sections and because of the reason for my surgery I was a candidate for having mine done vaginally and not having any incisions.
I am a WIMP when it comes to pain and I was seriously scared of what was to come. I didn't believe the surgeon when she told me the recovery from my type of surgery would be easy because I was thinking "Um . . . you've never met me. I'm a WIMP."
I spent Monday night in the hospital and was taking some pretty hard core pain killers after my surgery and through the night. There were times I was in serious pain and counting down until I could get more medication. Tuesday morning I was given 2 percoset and those managed my pain. Tuesday afternoon I was given 2 more just before being discharged. I took one more at home before bed on Tuesday night. Wednesday morning I took 800mg of ibuprofen and by Friday I didn't even need that anymore, which absolutely blew me away! My friends were surprised to see me at church Saturday, but I was feeling so great there wasn't any reason to make myself stay home.
After surgery the surgeon told my husband she found adenomyosis and some fibroids that had been hiding during my previous ultrasounds. My surgeon later told me the same thing and also told me my uterus was "enlarged and boggy". At my 6 week follow up I received the pathology report that showed my uterus was 130 grams. For a little perspective, my surgeon explained to me that an "average" uterus is 70 grams so mine was basically twice the size it "should" be. Between it being 2x the normal size, the hidden fibroids and the adenomyosis I felt extremely justified in having had the surgery.
The most inconvenient part of my surgery and recovery was not being able to go swimming for 6 weeks in the middle of a Phoenix summer (my restrictions were essentially the same as if I'd had given birth via C-section).
I was even teaching 20 3 year olds at Vacation Bible School 3 weeks post-op! (By the way, that I DON'T recommend because I was in pretty serious pain that week and it definitely fell into the "overdoing it" category but they were desperate for teachers and I thought I was recovered enough to help)
Next month will be 1 year since my surgery date and life has been great since. I'm incredibly thankful for that conversation my husband had with his friend that led me to the Dr. who finally listened and gave me a diagnosis instead of just trying to mask the symptoms as so many others have done.
I have left out some details, but hope that this takes some of the mystery out of something that seems so shocking to most women. When I've mentioned my surgery to other women the general comment I receive is is "I'm sorry." I'm not sorry for myself, because my surgery was done on my terms (after my husband and I had already decided we were done having kids) and because it's made my quality of life so much better.
I completely understand that for some women whose hands have been forced for them and whose surgeries where not in their plan or timing (complications from childbirth that required it, a cancer diagnosis, etc.) that it is a much different situation and my heart breaks for them because I can't fathom the emotional pain they've experienced. I truly am sorry for them.
As I write this I can think of several women I know/know of who fall into these categories, including one who needed a gestational carrier for her second two pregnancies and I know that was EXTREMELY difficult for her. In writing this I have tried to be sensitive to the pain of women whose chance at carrying their own children has been taken from them prematurely.
The long story short is I've had female problems since puberty. For years several remedies have been prescribed or recommended, but they've all been band-aids and I'd never found an answer to the "Why?" question I've asked countless doctors over the years.
I'd often heard that after having kids things can regulate themselves. From 12/05-12/09 I was pregnant or nursing all but a few months so I didn't really know if things were getting better or not. I had a few good months after I'd stopped nursing my second and I was excited. I had also done a lot of reading about peri-menopause and how a woman's late 30's and 40's can get fairly inconvenient in the years leading up to menopause.
A few months before my 35th birthday things started getting wonky again (or for me--normal). At my annual exam that year I mentioned it to my PCP and she ordered an ultrasound to rule out fibroids. My ultrasound didn't show anything unusual, so my PCP sent me to a gynecologist (one I had never seen. I no longer saw my OB after the birth of my second).
This particular gynecologist was not very patient friendly (actually he was a jerk). At first he just tried saying "If you think things are bad now wait until your 40's". This doctor wasn't listening and before I knew it I had a Mirena IUD, even though I had said repeatedly I did not want to be on artificial hormones. My husband and I had already made a permanent birth control decision so I wasn't using this for that purpose. I went in for a consult with that Dr. and ended up with it before I really had time to think or process since he presented it as my only option and made me make an immediate decision. For several reasons I walked out of that appointment knowing I would NEVER see that particular Dr. again. It truly was a horrible experience. (Thankfully a few months ago I received notice he is leaving that facility).
Immediately I had "buyer's remorse". When I started experiencing negative side effects I called another gynecologist's office (where several of my friends go) about having it removed. Because I'd only had it a few weeks I was told to "give it time" and was told "If you just want to stop bleeding have an ablation". I tried explaining to the nurse practitioner (couldn't see the OB/GYN) what I had explained to the gynecologist who gave me the Mirena--I wasn't looking to treat the symptoms--I wanted to treat the (unknown) cause, but she didn't listen any better than the first gynecologist I saw in this journey.
The Mirena was implanted in August and by mid-October I was breaking out in red, itchy welts. At first the welts came and went and were confined just to part of my legs. Initially I thought they were bug bites. I even washed all our bedding, vacuumed the mattress, vacuumed the box spring, etc. thinking they might be bed bugs since the welts tended to appear in the morning (which I've still never seen, thankfully!!!!). My husband pointed out that if they had been bed bugs he'd have bites, too and he didn't.
I couldn't predict when I would have them so I couldn't make an appointment with my PCP. Finally, one night they were bothering me so bad I went to my first ever visit to urgent care. The Dr. at urgent care told me I had hives and asked if I was on medication. I said, "No", but then remembered the Mirena and asked him if that could be the cause. The urgent care Dr. didn't know what Mirena was, and after I explained it, he told me that couldn't be the cause. I got home and went to Mirena's website where it states hives are a possible side effect. I was allergic to Mirena and it was making my life absolutely miserable.
I made an appointment with my PCP immediately and explained everything to her. Because my Dr. is an internist and not a gynecologist she couldn't take it out so I went back to the see the gyno that several of my friends see. By this time it was nearly a month after my visit to the urgent care and there were days I my entire stomach, bottom, arms and legs were covered in what looked like one giant welt/hive. To say I was miserable was an understatement. When (a different) nurse practitioner removed my Mirena she said "Since you only have this for bleeding we can do an ablation here in the office." and she sent me home with information.
For several months I was back to my "normal", extremely miserable cycle. Because I was desperate I went back to my friends' gyno. Again I wasn't able to see the Dr., but saw someone else (not sure if she was a nurse practitioner or a physician's assistant). Either way she, like the others in the office, kept pushing ablation. Every time I visited that office I really felt pressured to have the ablation and I was growing increasingly leery of the practice, even though it comes highly recommended by friends.
Desperate for answers I decided to follow through with the necessary steps toward ablation, even though I didn't feel totally comfortable with the idea. (Interestingly enough, when I went to the Dr. who ended up giving me the Mirena I went in looking for an ablation, but further research about the procedure, it's success rate and the unknown long term affects had me concerned). I made an appointment for an ultrasound to start the process. In 3 visits to the office I never met the Dr.
In the days between making the appointment for the ultrasound and the day of it, my husband was talking to a friend and somehow the subject of their wives medical journeys came up. This person's wife had been having horrendous female issues that made mine look normal. This person's wife even ended up in the ER several times and ended up with a doctor she loved, at the same medical facility where I had encountered the initial Dr. that I had no desire to ever see again. As my husband was telling me this story I asked him to find out the name of the doctor that his friend's wife was seeing. I called to make an appointment with that Dr. and was told he only does gynecologic oncology (thankfully this other woman wasn't seeing him for that, but she was definitely needing more specialized care than I was). The scheduler said, "We have two general gynecologists you could see." One was the person I had vowed never to see again and the other was a female. I wouldn't have cared if the other Dr. was Martian because I wasn't seeing the first one again.
The first appointment she had available was the same day I'd arranged childcare to have the ultrasound done at the office where all my friends go. I made the appointment with the new Dr. and cancelled my ultrasound. By this time it was about mid-April.
As soon as I saw the new Dr. and explained to her what had been going on since puberty and more recently she immediately said, "I know what's probably going on. You probably have adenomyosis. I know because I had it and your story is exactly like mine". (Some definitions, including the one linked say "adeno" is most commonly developed in middle age and after having had kids--mine has probably been around my entire life. Other definitions say it's most common in women who have had C-sections. I avoided a C-section with both of my deliveries). This Dr. also told me that because of where adenomyosis is there is no way to actually test for it or see it until a hysterectomy is done. A hysterectomy is the only cure. This Dr. also told me that if I'd gone ahead with the ablation I would probably be one of the 1/3 of women who describe their periods as "normal" after the procedure.
I was THRILLED meeting with this Dr. because she actually listened to me and presented a reason, instead of just trying to mask the symptoms as every other Dr. had since I was in jr. high and high school. Yes, the solution was drastic, but at least it would be a real solution to a real and not just a band-aid. The new Dr. scheduled another ultrasound to make sure I didn't have fibroids so, for the second time in a year, I was being checked for fibroids. Just as the previous ultrasound showed, there were none. After everything came back clear the Dr. called me herself (not a nurse or receptionist) and told me my next step was to meet with a gynecologic surgeon. That appointment was the beginning of May.
The surgeon agreed with the adenomyosis diagnosis and we talked about hysterectomy in detail and she answered my questions. We talked about the surgery itself, the recovery, the technique she would use, etc. She explained to me options and left the ball in my court telling me to go home, think about it, and let her know what I decided. This appointment was a week before my 36th birthday and nearly a year after I'd actively started the journey of trying to diagnose (and solve) the problems that had plagued me for over 20 years.
A few days later I called the scheduler and had my surgery date: Monday, June 18, the day after Father's Day.
The surgery was supposed to be outpatient, but because I had a 3 year old and a 5 year old my surgeon decided to have me stay overnight because she knew I'd rest better at the hospital than at home :) Because I hadn't had any C-sections and because of the reason for my surgery I was a candidate for having mine done vaginally and not having any incisions.
I am a WIMP when it comes to pain and I was seriously scared of what was to come. I didn't believe the surgeon when she told me the recovery from my type of surgery would be easy because I was thinking "Um . . . you've never met me. I'm a WIMP."
I spent Monday night in the hospital and was taking some pretty hard core pain killers after my surgery and through the night. There were times I was in serious pain and counting down until I could get more medication. Tuesday morning I was given 2 percoset and those managed my pain. Tuesday afternoon I was given 2 more just before being discharged. I took one more at home before bed on Tuesday night. Wednesday morning I took 800mg of ibuprofen and by Friday I didn't even need that anymore, which absolutely blew me away! My friends were surprised to see me at church Saturday, but I was feeling so great there wasn't any reason to make myself stay home.
After surgery the surgeon told my husband she found adenomyosis and some fibroids that had been hiding during my previous ultrasounds. My surgeon later told me the same thing and also told me my uterus was "enlarged and boggy". At my 6 week follow up I received the pathology report that showed my uterus was 130 grams. For a little perspective, my surgeon explained to me that an "average" uterus is 70 grams so mine was basically twice the size it "should" be. Between it being 2x the normal size, the hidden fibroids and the adenomyosis I felt extremely justified in having had the surgery.
The most inconvenient part of my surgery and recovery was not being able to go swimming for 6 weeks in the middle of a Phoenix summer (my restrictions were essentially the same as if I'd had given birth via C-section).
I was even teaching 20 3 year olds at Vacation Bible School 3 weeks post-op! (By the way, that I DON'T recommend because I was in pretty serious pain that week and it definitely fell into the "overdoing it" category but they were desperate for teachers and I thought I was recovered enough to help)
Next month will be 1 year since my surgery date and life has been great since. I'm incredibly thankful for that conversation my husband had with his friend that led me to the Dr. who finally listened and gave me a diagnosis instead of just trying to mask the symptoms as so many others have done.
I have left out some details, but hope that this takes some of the mystery out of something that seems so shocking to most women. When I've mentioned my surgery to other women the general comment I receive is is "I'm sorry." I'm not sorry for myself, because my surgery was done on my terms (after my husband and I had already decided we were done having kids) and because it's made my quality of life so much better.
I completely understand that for some women whose hands have been forced for them and whose surgeries where not in their plan or timing (complications from childbirth that required it, a cancer diagnosis, etc.) that it is a much different situation and my heart breaks for them because I can't fathom the emotional pain they've experienced. I truly am sorry for them.
As I write this I can think of several women I know/know of who fall into these categories, including one who needed a gestational carrier for her second two pregnancies and I know that was EXTREMELY difficult for her. In writing this I have tried to be sensitive to the pain of women whose chance at carrying their own children has been taken from them prematurely.
Friday, May 24, 2013
It's Over!
I'm not sure who has been counting down the days until summer vacation more--my son or me. I'm thinking it was probably me because I'm READY to have my Buddy Boy home for the next few months. I'm not going to lie--the events in CT in December really messed with my mind and it was hard to drop my son off at school every day.
We're still committed to sending him (and eventually our daughter) to public school, but I missed having him around during the day this year. Even saying that sounds odd to me because I thought for sure I'd be the mom crying tears of joy on the first day of school thankful to have time to myself for the first time in 6 years. (Our 4 year old went to preschool 2 mornings a week this year, which meant I had 7 hours a week where I could shower, go to the bathroom and go to Costco by myself for the first time since August, 2006). It turns out I really enjoy my son (when he's not melting down!) and I like having him with me.
My husband gives me a week before I'm ready to send him back to school :)
I was warned that, as much as it seems time has flown in the past 6 years, once the kids start school it will REALLY fly. I believe that because I can't believe my son is now done with Kindergarten and on his way to 1st grade!
I was also not prepared for how much my son would physically change in the months between his first day of Kindergarten and his last.
A few things stand out to me in this picture:
1) He has definitely aged since August
2) Look at where his head is in relation to the doorknob (the main reason I take "milestone" pictures at the front door is to measure them in relation to the fixtures)
3) Look at those "puppy dog" feet!!
As of the first day of school he hadn't lost any teeth, but he now has his bottom two "adult teeth" growing in.
I was handling today pretty well and then, after school, I saw a friend and said "Last day of Kindergarten" as I started saying it my eyes welled up and I was having trouble talking. I truly can't believe his first year of school is over and that there are only 12 more years until he's walking across a stage in a cap and gown receiving his high school diploma.
If anybody finds life's "pause" button could you please send it to me because I could REALLY use it!!!
We're still committed to sending him (and eventually our daughter) to public school, but I missed having him around during the day this year. Even saying that sounds odd to me because I thought for sure I'd be the mom crying tears of joy on the first day of school thankful to have time to myself for the first time in 6 years. (Our 4 year old went to preschool 2 mornings a week this year, which meant I had 7 hours a week where I could shower, go to the bathroom and go to Costco by myself for the first time since August, 2006). It turns out I really enjoy my son (when he's not melting down!) and I like having him with me.
My husband gives me a week before I'm ready to send him back to school :)
I was warned that, as much as it seems time has flown in the past 6 years, once the kids start school it will REALLY fly. I believe that because I can't believe my son is now done with Kindergarten and on his way to 1st grade!
I was also not prepared for how much my son would physically change in the months between his first day of Kindergarten and his last.
 |
| First Day of Kindergarten August, 2012 |
 |
| Last Day of Kindergarten May, 2012 |
1) He has definitely aged since August
2) Look at where his head is in relation to the doorknob (the main reason I take "milestone" pictures at the front door is to measure them in relation to the fixtures)
3) Look at those "puppy dog" feet!!
As of the first day of school he hadn't lost any teeth, but he now has his bottom two "adult teeth" growing in.
I was handling today pretty well and then, after school, I saw a friend and said "Last day of Kindergarten" as I started saying it my eyes welled up and I was having trouble talking. I truly can't believe his first year of school is over and that there are only 12 more years until he's walking across a stage in a cap and gown receiving his high school diploma.
If anybody finds life's "pause" button could you please send it to me because I could REALLY use it!!!
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Memory Lane . . . an adolescent crush and a middle aged Mom
I'm a huge fan of my local library. Lately I've been on a kick of reading biographies. In the past few days I have read Gifted Hands by Dr. Ben Carson, Believe by Eric LeGrand and I'm currently reading Imperfect by Jim Abbott.
I was born to two parents who are baseball fans. My mom, in particular, is a huge fan of the (California/Anaheim/I refuse to use their current "location") Angels. I was born in Orange County, lived there until Christmas vacation of Kindergarten, and came back in 1998 when I was in 6th grade. No matter our geography we were Angels fans, even travelling to Oakland to watch them play the "local" team every year on hat day. (My mom refused to keep her hats and, begrudgingly allowed us to keep ours, though we never dared to wear them). In 1986 my mom even flew from our home in San Jose, CA back to Orange County to watch a playoff game.
When we moved back to Orange County my parents went in on season tickets with my aunt's co-workers. There were 8 people in the group who each got 4 seats to 10 games a season. While I definitely went though my New Kids on the Block phase most of my adolescent crushes were on the Angels roster.
One of those happened to be Jim Abbott. One of our 10 games in 1989 happened to land on the day of Abbott's MLB debut. I was thrilled! Alongside my posters of Joe McIntyre I had pictures of Jim Abbott.
A few moments ago I got to the part of the book where he talks about his first start. I haven't read his account of that day, yet, but the memories are coming back for me of where *I* was that day and in the years he was on "my" team.
I remember taking his picture at Photo Day (One day a year fans were allowed on the field to take pictures of their favorite players--always from behind a rope) and wishing I could meet him.
Now that I'm 37, have been married for 9 years and have 2 kids it's comical to me to think about that 12/13 year old girl who had a crush on a major league baseball player, but reading the names he mentions throughout the book are bringing back a flood of memories from afternoons spent at the ballpark with my family and of evenings spent at home watching my Halos on KTLA.
I was born to two parents who are baseball fans. My mom, in particular, is a huge fan of the (California/Anaheim/I refuse to use their current "location") Angels. I was born in Orange County, lived there until Christmas vacation of Kindergarten, and came back in 1998 when I was in 6th grade. No matter our geography we were Angels fans, even travelling to Oakland to watch them play the "local" team every year on hat day. (My mom refused to keep her hats and, begrudgingly allowed us to keep ours, though we never dared to wear them). In 1986 my mom even flew from our home in San Jose, CA back to Orange County to watch a playoff game.
When we moved back to Orange County my parents went in on season tickets with my aunt's co-workers. There were 8 people in the group who each got 4 seats to 10 games a season. While I definitely went though my New Kids on the Block phase most of my adolescent crushes were on the Angels roster.
One of those happened to be Jim Abbott. One of our 10 games in 1989 happened to land on the day of Abbott's MLB debut. I was thrilled! Alongside my posters of Joe McIntyre I had pictures of Jim Abbott.
A few moments ago I got to the part of the book where he talks about his first start. I haven't read his account of that day, yet, but the memories are coming back for me of where *I* was that day and in the years he was on "my" team.
I remember taking his picture at Photo Day (One day a year fans were allowed on the field to take pictures of their favorite players--always from behind a rope) and wishing I could meet him.
Now that I'm 37, have been married for 9 years and have 2 kids it's comical to me to think about that 12/13 year old girl who had a crush on a major league baseball player, but reading the names he mentions throughout the book are bringing back a flood of memories from afternoons spent at the ballpark with my family and of evenings spent at home watching my Halos on KTLA.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Decisions, Decisions . . .
In the light of the morning it doesn't seem like that rough of a decision, but last night was one of those times I was in a quandary about the right call to make regarding my son.
My son is 6 and has always been quite feisty. I'm not exaggerating when I say his "Terrible 2's" started at about 14mo and lasted until after he turned 6. Things are a little better now, but his temper can still be volatile, ESPECIALLY when he's tired or his blood sugar is low. We try and keep his blood sugar regulated and that has helped considerably. We're also sticklers about bedtime.
Well . .. last night my son was tired and had a meltdown like he hasn't had in months. (I fed him at the beginning of this meltdown in hopes it was just blood sugar related. Didn't work this time.)
Last night my son also had baseball practice leaving me trying to decide what to do about a 6 year old who couldn't go 2 minutes without crying for about 90 minutes.
During this my Facebook status said: I hate making hard parenting decisions. I hate having to be the bad guy. I hate having to make inconvenient decisions. I'm just holding on to the knowledge (hope??) that making these types of decisions now will lead to having an adult child with impulse control and who understands there are always natural consequences for our actions.
Interestingly enough, yesterday morning I had read Why Healthy Children Aren't Always Happy by Kristen at We are THAT Family. I had left a comment for Kristen telling her I agree with her and that I'm willing to make decisions that are inconvenient and unpopular in order to do the right thing for my kids in the long run. Just a few hours later it was time to put my money where my mouth is.
Here's a copy of the e-mail I sent to a friend last night looking for perspective:
[My son] seemed fine this morning and he seemed fine at school (normal good behavior report from his teacher). Pretty much the minute he got in the car he started whining, crying and melting down. The kid is obviously exhausted.
I told him he had baseball practice and he had to get his homework done beforehand. The whining/crying continued and he didn't even try in his reading which he's normally very strong in (for example, just inserting anything that didn't even necessarily have the same letters). I told him if he didn't try and if he continued with the crying and whining he couldn't go to baseball. He didn't fulfill either requirement so I made the decision for no baseball.
I tried calling my husband for perspective/advice, but he's pretty distracted at work right now and basically said "It's your call"
Before I made the official call I asked him (who was whining he still wanted to go) "What did I say you had to do to go to baseball?" He told me. I asked him, "Did you do those things?" He admitted, "No" and then I told him he wasn't going. As he was crying about wanting to go I told him, "Ok. Next time you want to do something remember this. If you don't do what you're supposed to do you can't do fun things." I also told him I wanted him to go and I wanted him to have fun. I told him I didn't want to have to call his coach and say he couldn't go, but I had to because he didn't fulfill his end of the bargain.
I'm struggling with the he made a commitment to his team vs. the kid is tired and needs sleep. (Baseball practice is at 5:30 tonight. We probably wouldn't get home until about 7 and there would be a shower and the bed time routine so it would be another late night which would continue the vicious cycle). Granted, at this point they're not even keeping score and still doing the "an inning is when everyone bats, no matter how many outs they get" thing, but still. I also feel bad because he missed last Wednesday night's game for the last Cub Scout meeting of the year.
For the first time in a long time I was actually calm and rational through the whole thing (which usually never happens because I'm usually melting down with my child escalating the situation) so I'm taking that victory, but I'm not super confident in anything else.
I know this is all just because he's tired and needs sleep. I also know if he doesn't go to baseball he can go to bed earlier and get some sleep. I'm also trying to remind myself I gave him the opportunity to go, by explaining what needed to happen and he's the one who didn't live up to his end so I'm just following through on the parameters I laid out so he's having to pay the consequence. I'm just not sure if baseball practice should've been on the table to take away in the first place.
As I told my friend later in the e-conversation: even though he was tired his behavior was unacceptable and it was the behavior I was wanting to change.
Needless to say my son didn't go to baseball practice last night because of his behavior. I called the coach and said he wasn't feeling well. If this happens when he gets older (I hope it doesn't) then my son is going to have to be the one calling the coach and explaining to his teammates why he wasn't there.
The funny thing is that once my son knew the decision had been made and he wasn't going to sway me he calmed down and was a very cooperative kid. I was able to get him in bed an hour early and he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. A good night's sleep has fixed everything and he's back to being himself.
In case nobody has said it lately: This parenting thing is hard.
My son is 6 and has always been quite feisty. I'm not exaggerating when I say his "Terrible 2's" started at about 14mo and lasted until after he turned 6. Things are a little better now, but his temper can still be volatile, ESPECIALLY when he's tired or his blood sugar is low. We try and keep his blood sugar regulated and that has helped considerably. We're also sticklers about bedtime.
Well . .. last night my son was tired and had a meltdown like he hasn't had in months. (I fed him at the beginning of this meltdown in hopes it was just blood sugar related. Didn't work this time.)
Last night my son also had baseball practice leaving me trying to decide what to do about a 6 year old who couldn't go 2 minutes without crying for about 90 minutes.
During this my Facebook status said: I hate making hard parenting decisions. I hate having to be the bad guy. I hate having to make inconvenient decisions. I'm just holding on to the knowledge (hope??) that making these types of decisions now will lead to having an adult child with impulse control and who understands there are always natural consequences for our actions.
Interestingly enough, yesterday morning I had read Why Healthy Children Aren't Always Happy by Kristen at We are THAT Family. I had left a comment for Kristen telling her I agree with her and that I'm willing to make decisions that are inconvenient and unpopular in order to do the right thing for my kids in the long run. Just a few hours later it was time to put my money where my mouth is.
Here's a copy of the e-mail I sent to a friend last night looking for perspective:
[My son] seemed fine this morning and he seemed fine at school (normal good behavior report from his teacher). Pretty much the minute he got in the car he started whining, crying and melting down. The kid is obviously exhausted.
I told him he had baseball practice and he had to get his homework done beforehand. The whining/crying continued and he didn't even try in his reading which he's normally very strong in (for example, just inserting anything that didn't even necessarily have the same letters). I told him if he didn't try and if he continued with the crying and whining he couldn't go to baseball. He didn't fulfill either requirement so I made the decision for no baseball.
I tried calling my husband for perspective/advice, but he's pretty distracted at work right now and basically said "It's your call"
Before I made the official call I asked him (who was whining he still wanted to go) "What did I say you had to do to go to baseball?" He told me. I asked him, "Did you do those things?" He admitted, "No" and then I told him he wasn't going. As he was crying about wanting to go I told him, "Ok. Next time you want to do something remember this. If you don't do what you're supposed to do you can't do fun things." I also told him I wanted him to go and I wanted him to have fun. I told him I didn't want to have to call his coach and say he couldn't go, but I had to because he didn't fulfill his end of the bargain.
I'm struggling with the he made a commitment to his team vs. the kid is tired and needs sleep. (Baseball practice is at 5:30 tonight. We probably wouldn't get home until about 7 and there would be a shower and the bed time routine so it would be another late night which would continue the vicious cycle). Granted, at this point they're not even keeping score and still doing the "an inning is when everyone bats, no matter how many outs they get" thing, but still. I also feel bad because he missed last Wednesday night's game for the last Cub Scout meeting of the year.
For the first time in a long time I was actually calm and rational through the whole thing (which usually never happens because I'm usually melting down with my child escalating the situation) so I'm taking that victory, but I'm not super confident in anything else.
I know this is all just because he's tired and needs sleep. I also know if he doesn't go to baseball he can go to bed earlier and get some sleep. I'm also trying to remind myself I gave him the opportunity to go, by explaining what needed to happen and he's the one who didn't live up to his end so I'm just following through on the parameters I laid out so he's having to pay the consequence. I'm just not sure if baseball practice should've been on the table to take away in the first place.
As I told my friend later in the e-conversation: even though he was tired his behavior was unacceptable and it was the behavior I was wanting to change.
Needless to say my son didn't go to baseball practice last night because of his behavior. I called the coach and said he wasn't feeling well. If this happens when he gets older (I hope it doesn't) then my son is going to have to be the one calling the coach and explaining to his teammates why he wasn't there.
The funny thing is that once my son knew the decision had been made and he wasn't going to sway me he calmed down and was a very cooperative kid. I was able to get him in bed an hour early and he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. A good night's sleep has fixed everything and he's back to being himself.
In case nobody has said it lately: This parenting thing is hard.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Thankful
Back in December I wrote about how thankful I am for my Moms in Prayer group. My group meets at 9am on Monday. At first I found the time inconvenient because first thing Monday morning my priority was getting the house "re-set" from the weekend and getting everything done I didn't get to on Saturday or Sunday. I was jealous of my friends at other schools that have their meetings later in the week, because the first half of my week tends to be busier than the second half.
In the months since I've been meeting with these ladies I've become increasingly thankful for the time. Sure, 9am on Monday isn't the most convenient, but I've come to love knowing that first thing Monday morning our school, our kids' teachers and our kids are being lifted up. I know Monday mornings are hectic for everyone and I can't think of a better time to pray for teachers as they begin a long week of teaching our kids.
As we were praying today I was just overwhelmed with gratitude, not just that our group exists, but that we live in a country where we can openly meet as Christians. I am well aware that all over the world Christians are being tortured, arrested and murdered for their beliefs. I know Christians have to gather in underground communities to pray, worship and study God's word.
I'm thankful that I'm able to gather with other believers on the weekends to worship God corporately without concern for my safety, the safety of my family, or of my husband losing his job. I'm thankful the ladies in my Moms in Prayer group and I are able to gather without the same concerns.
I'm thankful that if I want to acquire a copy of the Bible it is easy to do so. I can download a free app of the Bible. I can order one online. I can walk in to almost any store that sells books. I can even send a Bible to someone in prison. Churches and ministries give Bibles away to those who want one, but don't have one. It is not an exaggeration to say that almost anyone in America who wants access to God's word can have it. I am thankful for this.
Many of my brothers and sisters in Christ aren't nearly as fortunate. Single pages of God's word are memorized, passed down, treasured and shared. Those who have studied the Bible are asked to share their wisdom and God's truth is shared via story and word of mouth.
On this Monday morning my heart is full and I'm thankful . . .
In the months since I've been meeting with these ladies I've become increasingly thankful for the time. Sure, 9am on Monday isn't the most convenient, but I've come to love knowing that first thing Monday morning our school, our kids' teachers and our kids are being lifted up. I know Monday mornings are hectic for everyone and I can't think of a better time to pray for teachers as they begin a long week of teaching our kids.
As we were praying today I was just overwhelmed with gratitude, not just that our group exists, but that we live in a country where we can openly meet as Christians. I am well aware that all over the world Christians are being tortured, arrested and murdered for their beliefs. I know Christians have to gather in underground communities to pray, worship and study God's word.
I'm thankful that I'm able to gather with other believers on the weekends to worship God corporately without concern for my safety, the safety of my family, or of my husband losing his job. I'm thankful the ladies in my Moms in Prayer group and I are able to gather without the same concerns.
I'm thankful that if I want to acquire a copy of the Bible it is easy to do so. I can download a free app of the Bible. I can order one online. I can walk in to almost any store that sells books. I can even send a Bible to someone in prison. Churches and ministries give Bibles away to those who want one, but don't have one. It is not an exaggeration to say that almost anyone in America who wants access to God's word can have it. I am thankful for this.
Many of my brothers and sisters in Christ aren't nearly as fortunate. Single pages of God's word are memorized, passed down, treasured and shared. Those who have studied the Bible are asked to share their wisdom and God's truth is shared via story and word of mouth.
On this Monday morning my heart is full and I'm thankful . . .
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