In the light of the morning it doesn't seem like that rough of a decision, but last night was one of those times I was in a quandary about the right call to make regarding my son.
My son is 6 and has always been quite feisty. I'm not exaggerating when I say his "Terrible 2's" started at about 14mo and lasted until after he turned 6. Things are a little better now, but his temper can still be volatile, ESPECIALLY when he's tired or his blood sugar is low. We try and keep his blood sugar regulated and that has helped considerably. We're also sticklers about bedtime.
Well . .. last night my son was tired and had a meltdown like he hasn't had in months. (I fed him at the beginning of this meltdown in hopes it was just blood sugar related. Didn't work this time.)
Last night my son also had baseball practice leaving me trying to decide what to do about a 6 year old who couldn't go 2 minutes without crying for about 90 minutes.
During this my Facebook status said: I hate making hard parenting decisions. I hate having to be the bad guy. I hate having to make inconvenient decisions. I'm just holding on to the knowledge (hope??) that making these types of decisions now will lead to having an adult child with impulse control and who understands there are always natural consequences for our actions.
Interestingly enough, yesterday morning I had read Why Healthy Children Aren't Always Happy by Kristen at We are THAT Family. I had left a comment for Kristen telling her I agree with her and that I'm willing to make decisions that are inconvenient and unpopular in order to do the right thing for my kids in the long run. Just a few hours later it was time to put my money where my mouth is.
Here's a copy of the e-mail I sent to a friend last night looking for perspective:
[My son] seemed fine this morning and he seemed fine at school (normal good behavior report from his teacher). Pretty much the minute he got in the car he started whining, crying and melting down. The kid is obviously exhausted.
I told him he had baseball practice and he had to get his homework done beforehand. The whining/crying continued and he didn't even try in his reading which he's normally very strong in (for example, just inserting anything that didn't even necessarily have the same letters). I told him if he didn't try and if he continued with the crying and whining he couldn't go to baseball. He didn't fulfill either requirement so I made the decision for no baseball.
I tried calling my husband for perspective/advice, but he's pretty distracted at work right now and basically said "It's your call"
Before I made the official call I asked him (who was whining he still wanted to go) "What did I say you had to do to go to baseball?" He told me. I asked him, "Did you do those things?" He admitted, "No" and then I told him he wasn't going. As he was crying about wanting to go I told him, "Ok. Next time you want to do something remember this. If you don't do what you're supposed to do you can't do fun things." I also told him I wanted him to go and I wanted him to have fun. I told him I didn't want to have to call his coach and say he couldn't go, but I had to because he didn't fulfill his end of the bargain.
I'm struggling with the he made a commitment to his team vs. the kid is tired and needs sleep. (Baseball practice is at 5:30 tonight. We probably wouldn't get home until about 7 and there would be a shower and the bed time routine so it would be another late night which would continue the vicious cycle). Granted, at this point they're not even keeping score and still doing the "an inning is when everyone bats, no matter how many outs they get" thing, but still. I also feel bad because he missed last Wednesday night's game for the last Cub Scout meeting of the year.
For the first time in a long time I was actually calm and rational through the whole thing (which usually never happens because I'm usually melting down with my child escalating the situation) so I'm taking that victory, but I'm not super confident in anything else.
I know this is all just because he's tired and needs sleep. I also know if he doesn't go to baseball he can go to bed earlier and get some sleep. I'm also trying to remind myself I gave him the opportunity to go, by explaining what needed to happen and he's the one who didn't live up to his end so I'm just following through on the parameters I laid out so he's having to pay the consequence. I'm just not sure if baseball practice should've been on the table to take away in the first place.
As I told my friend later in the e-conversation: even though he was tired his behavior was unacceptable and it was the behavior I was wanting to change.
Needless to say my son didn't go to baseball practice last night because of his behavior. I called the coach and said he wasn't feeling well. If this happens when he gets older (I hope it doesn't) then my son is going to have to be the one calling the coach and explaining to his teammates why he wasn't there.
The funny thing is that once my son knew the decision had been made and he wasn't going to sway me he calmed down and was a very cooperative kid. I was able to get him in bed an hour early and he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. A good night's sleep has fixed everything and he's back to being himself.
In case nobody has said it lately: This parenting thing is hard.
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