The Healing Power of Food

Life has been fairly hectic here, not leaving much time for blogging, no matter how much I enjoy it.  I've had a list going of the things I've been wanting to write about, but God hijacked those today and led me to what is becoming an overwhelming passion of mine . . . the healing power of food.

After the Funky Freezer Girls got started I had a dream.  In the past year I have seen firsthand how much it means for hurting families to have a homecooked meal during their struggle.   This spring I read The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity by Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician, wife and mom.  I wish I could type out the entire 3 pages of a story Dr. Meeker relates in the book about the power of food in a section entitled, "Food is Friendship" because it is so powerful and touches me in a profound way. In one of my favorite passages from the book, Dr. Meeker writes about WHY we feel the need to take care of others through food:

For many of us mothers, feeding people is our love language.  When we are too intimidated to express our feelings, particularly when sadness is involved, we resort to casseroles.  Bake chicken, cut up carrots, and roll out pie dough.  These are the hand motions of a friend who longs to soothe a mother's broken heart.  And somehow, miraculously they do (pg 28)

Dr. Meeker goes on to to tell the story of the power of food and friendship in the lives of two women, Beth and Lisa.  Lisa's husband was dying of cancer, leaving her with small children and Beth cooked for their family throughout his illness.  Dr. Meeker lets Beth tell the story :

"During those last days, we went to the grocery store a lot," Beth recalls, "because I was in a serious cooking mode then.  I felt so helpless. I wanted to love Lisa the best I could, but words, hugs, flowers, nothing did it.  I don't even know if food did, but I do know one thing, that cooking at least made us all feel that some part of life--maybe the task of keeping alive--was moving forward.  We had to all just keep moving forward." (30)

Dr. Meeker ends the section by writing:

"Food doesn't soothe, but intention does.  Where love stops, chicken pot pies can take over . . . So I will cook for you now, says that friend.  I can pretend that you are with me and that I can make life better for you.  So let me in, says the food." (30)

Earlier today a friend posted this blog on the Funky Freezer Girls facebook page from one woman whose life had been blessed by being on the receiving end of a friend's cooking.

For the past several months a mentor's infant granddaughter has been fighting for her life.  Just after arriving in the world in April this beautiful little girl was diagnosed with a heart condition that required immediate surgery.  In June sweet Stella had to be re-admitted to the hospital because of stenosis and her fight REALLY began.  Stella's story isn't mine to share, but she is a true miracle and this weekend she got to go home after spending nearly 2 months in the hospital.  Because of all I've learned in recent months, once I knew Miss Stella was about to bust out of the hospital for the first time since mid-June I started cooking and asked her Yaya when I could drop off meals for a weary Mom and Dad.  Since then a website has been set up to help them as well and I know they'll have meals covered for a long time, but it just felt good to be able to do something tangible for them.

I'm continually blown away by how God has used the Funky Freezer Girls.  What started out as a group of moms who were looking to simplify their lives a little bit has become one of the greatest experiences of my life.  I started out by being lazy and needing help making dinner each night, but God has taken me on a journey that has changed my heart forever and, in my mind, the least important thing about my freezer group is what I stack inside my own freezer each month.

Among the lessons I've learned on this journey is that blessing others through food is not about being a great cook.  You'll never see me on FoodNetwork and I'll never publish a cookbook.  I'm extremely intimidated when I need to cook for others and I'm not a fan of most cooking websites because I'm not a "foodie".  I can follow a simple recipe, but if it calls for more than a handful of basic ingredients or something from a special market you won't find it coming out of my kitchen.  Despite all that, I've learned that, as Dr. Meeker said, it's about the intention.  Whether I slaved for two days over a pasta sauce and homemade noodles (not going to be happening at my place) or I whip together a casserole in 15 minutes by adding together what's in my pantry, it doesn't matter to the family who is being loved on.  What matters is that food was lovingly, thoughtfully and prayerfully prepared . . .

Me . . . Quiet?!?!

I confess . . . I can be kind of loud and I talk a lot. Not a huge surprise if you know me and definitely not something I'm proud of.   I'm constantly trying to work on these areas because I don't see them as positive personality traits.  Once I started following Christ and reading the Bible I was smacked between the eyes by the verses found in 1 Peter 3:3-5

 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and clothes.  Instead, it should be that of our inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past, who put their hope in God, used to make themselves beautiful."  

Though I have things to say about the first half of that passage, the part I really struggle with is how can someone, with my personality, fit into this definition of beauty since I really don't think there's much "gentle" or "quiet" about me . . .

Last night at church the pastor was teaching out of Judges and  made the statement "Faith is at it's best in community."  Because of a variety of situations going on in my life lately I have spent a lot of time pondering  those who have spoken truth into my life, even when I wasn't ready to hear it.  I've been thinking a lot about three women in particular.  One was a huge part of my life when I was in college and somebody I asked to mentor me.  We met every Monday night after she put her small kids to bed and talked about pretty much everything.  The second is a woman who I have known at a distance for years, but who I have only recently come to really know.  She is as wise as I've always perceived her to be.  The third is a woman I knew casually from my MOMS group and who has given her opinion to my facebook posts.  I readily admit that my first reaction to hearing her words was not to be appreciative, but it was to go on the defensive because I was a little offended.  The more I thought about what she said the more I thought about how right she was and the more I've sought her opinion out.

I appreciate people who are willing to tell me the truth, even when I'm not necessarily "ready" to hear it. A few weeks ago my facebook status read: "I'm thankful for my friends who love me the way I am, but who also love me enough to encourage me to grow". I know I'm far from perfect and I know I have a lot to learn in the struggle to be more Christ-like so I'm thankful for those who will give me the "kick in the pants" I need at times.



As I reflect on the things these women have in common with each other and with me I realize none of us are necessarily "quiet".  It's a good thing for me to have wise women in my life who I respect that aren't timid because I wouldn't have much in common with them if they were. 

All of these women are physically and inwardly beautiful.  While the world may not see them (or me) as "quiet" what makes them so beautiful is that they're regularly quiet before their God learning from Him and growing in His wisdom.  They are gentle in how they speak so that relationships are built and not destroyed.

I have a long way to go, but by spending time with God and following the example of these godly women I may one day have a gentle and quiet spirit, despite my personality . .

I'd pretty much forgotten . . .

Tuesday night I had the opportunity to cross an item off my "Lifetime To-Do List"  (Basically a "Bucket List", but mine was written about 10 years before I'd ever heard the term).  I grew up in a baseball loving family.  I've attended major league games since I was about 4 years old and it's something that was a regular part of my life growing up.  Those who've known me for any length of time know I'm a baseball fan.  I've attended games at 10 Major League Stadiums and consider one of my greatest summers the year (2000) when I attended 10 games in 7 different ball parks.

Tuesday night I got to attend the Major League Baseball All-Star Game at Chase Field in Phoenix.

This was a lifelong dream of mine and I was able to attend with my favorite person in the entire world . . . my husband!  My husband played Little League growing up, but he is not a baseball fan. He'll be the first person to tell you he's not a sports fan, but he bought the tickets as my birthday present and he attended with me. (LOVE that man!)

Because my husband isn't a baseball/sports fan I've never really "pushed" for us to spend our time/money going to games.  I don't watch baseball on TV in favor of something we both enjoy.   Until Tuesday night, the last game I'd attended was in June, 2006 when my childhood team, the Angels, were in town to play the Diamondbacks and my parents bought us all tickets.

Over the years baseball has dropped off my radar.  I still follow the Angels and Diamondbacks casually, but I'd be hard pressed to name the regular starting lineup for either team.  In recent years I'd begun to wonder  if I ever really enjoyed baseball myself or if I enjoyed it because I have good memories of attending games with my family growing up.  I had started to believe that baseball was something I followed growing up as a matter of survival in a baseball loving family, but it was something I didn't "need" at this point in my life.

My husband is gone for the evening and, as I was flipping channels, I saw the Diamondbacks were playing.   I turned it on and, as I watched the game and reflected on my experience Tuesday night I thought "Wow.  I really do enjoy this.  I'd pretty much forgotten that I really DO enjoy baseball."

I'll still pass over a D'backs game on TV in order to spend time watching Mythbusters with my husband, but it brought a smile to my face to know that baseball is still a part of me and while I may not "need" it I still enjoy it.  Now, please excuse me while I get back to the game before my husband gets home :)

"Do you realize . . . ?"

A little over a month ago my husband and I were in bed talking and, out of the blue, he asked me, "Do you realize that 25% of the time we have with our son under our roof is gone? It's just gone . . . "  As his voice trailed off my eyes got big and I started picturing graduations and a wedding thinking "I'm not ready . . . "

We've been having a very difficult time with our son lately.  He started his "Terrible 2's" at about 14 months and, though he'll be 5 in August, I'm still waiting for this "terrible" phase to end.  Pretty much anything and everything can (and does) lead to a full on meltdown.  I've been feeling completely on edge lately as it feels like I'm always in a battle of wills with him, or walking on egg shells trying to avoid a meltdown.  It's been rough and I've been emotionally worn out by the constant struggle.

When my husband made that statement my heart broke as I thought about all the times I'd yelled at him and the times I'd lost my temper because of my own exhaustion and frustration.  My heart broke as I thought about how I'd spent the past few years and I cried out to God saying, "This is NOT what I want his childhood to be like . . . I need to discipline him, but really, God? This constant battle?  Neither of us are enjoying our days together and it has to change!"  I absolutely love my son, but there have been many days where I haven't liked him very much (and I haven't liked me for how I've acted towards him).

There's nothing I can do about the previous 4.5 years, but there's a lot I can do before he moves out of our home and I'm making changes I'll write about in another post.

Interestingly enough, the past week or so has been GREAT!  I really am in love with my handsome little man!

A confession, flip flops, and friendship

After my post on fear the other day I have a confession to make . . . . we didn't go in the backyard yesterday. I am proud to say I didn't let my fear hold me back, but we still didn't do it.

Yesterday morning, at my son's swim lessons, my 2 year old daughter broke her flip-flop.   Here in the desert that's a huge deal. It's a big deal because I don't want her wearing dress shoes to the pool or splash pad.  It's an even bigger deal to me because they were shoes she could put on herself and that went with everything, so it made getting out the door much easier.  Because it's now mid-June Old Navy's website is sold out of solid pink flip flops and this is an emergency so I knew our afternoon plans needed to change.  Flip flops trump the backyard.

After naps I got the kids ready to leave, grabbed my purse and started walking towards the garage when my phone rang.  As I reached into my purse I was still shuffling the kids towards the garage when I noticed the call was coming from a good friend of mine who I knew needed to talk.  Friendship trumps flip flops.

No, I didn't take the kids outside as I'd declared, but I feel no guilt and know I made the right decision.

Now I just need to find the time to get to the store and buy flip flops before my daughter is sporting dress shoes poolside this summer :)

Fear

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"  Philippians 4:6,7

This was one of the first verses I memorized after I started following Jesus.  It is a verse I have had to repeat and meditate on repeatedly.  As I continually ponder this verse and cling to the truth it proclaims I say it like this "Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, WITH THANKGIVING present your requests to God.  And the PEACE OF GOD which transcends ALL understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"

Fear is a huge struggle of mine.  Even as a child I remember losing sleep because I was worrying about something.  I absolutely cling to God's promise that His peace transcends all understanding.  I have begged, pleaded and cried out to God for this peace over the years.  More often than not I don't allow God's peace to reign because I'm trying to push it out with my own worries, fears and anxieties.  The reality is I often think I'm more in control than God is.

I am  thankful for a God that hears my cries.  I'm thankful that I follow the Prince of Peace (not coincidentally, my favorite name for Jesus . . . ) who loves me despite my lack of faith . . .

I've heard from preachers several times who have said that the word "fear" appears 365 times in the Bible--one for each day.  I've never verified this for myself, but even the fact I've heard different preachers say this over the years is proof I'm not alone in allowing my fears to consume me at times.

Tonight is another night in my life where worry and fear are keeping me up at night.  I have a fear of snakes.  It's a debiltating phobia that prevents me from enjoying activities (like hiking) that I otherwise would.  Honestly, I can't even look at photographs of snakes without having serious anxiety issues.

I've always lived in parts of the country where these creatures exist, but it wasn't until April that I was unexpectedly in the presence of a snake in the wild.  The biggest problem (besides the snake itself) was the snake's "wild" wasn't a beautiful desert mountain, covered with wildflowers.  No, this "wild" was in my backyard.  I was planting my garden and spending time with my 4 year old son in one part of the yard and crossing the grass to the other side when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a snake dart along our side fence and speed toward the corner of our lot, where we share a block wall with a neighbor.  I immediately screamed, grabbed my son's arm and ran in the house to get my husband.  

The peace and security I feel in my own backyard was ruined by coming face to body with my biggest phobia for 3 seconds.    My husband went out beating bushes with a metal pole and couldn't find the snake, but found the hole in our block wall fence where it escaped into the neighbor's yard.   Presumably the snake entered through the same hole.  I tried convincing my husband he needed to dig down 6" and fill the hole with concrete, but the ever logical desert native he is reminded me that wouldn't help because snakes dig. I was also told  he wasn't surprised since he's seen several snake holes in that corner of the yard since we moved in 3 years ago.  WHAT!?!?!   (He tried to comfort me by telling me they weren't active because he always fills them in and they don't reappear)

Based on my description my husband deduced it was a Red Racer and that it was a "good" snake to have because it was non-venemous and it eats rattlesnakes.  I informed my husband that there's no such thing as a good snake (ask Eve).  I also told him that didn't make me feel better because having the beast in our yard meant there was a food source.   (By the way, if you want to see a picture of a red racer you'll have to google it yourself because I'm not searching for a picture to link for you)

All of that brings me to tonight.  For the past few months my fear of snakes has kept me from enjoying my backyard.  The few times I've been outside my husband has been with me, and I've never relaxed.  My kids beg to play in the backyard during the day and I'm keeping them inside because I'm scared to go out and play with them for fear we might see another sliterhing reptile.  Tonight I am anxious and restless because I know I should take my kids outside, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it without my husband home to first "secure the location".

Writing this all out and admitting it is reminding me how irrational I'm being, but isn't that what fear does?  Fear makes us act irrationally. 

What do you fear?  Does it consume you? Does fear control your actions, like it has mine? How do you handle your fears?

Tomorrow I'm going to take the first step in not letting fear consume me by taking my kids outside after their rest time to play in the sprinklers.   Please join me in praying that birds will be the only wild life who will grace us with their presence . . .

It's me again . . .

Life has been seriously crazy for the past few months, and while my desire to write hasn't wavered, my time and inspiration have.   I enjoy writing and, though I'm not the most faithful at updating it, I enjoy having a blog.    I'm going to try and get better about posting more regularly for awhile.   In fact, it's a sleepless night and I have a lot of thoughts running through my head right now, so don't be surprised if you all of a sudden see 10 posts from me, all at once . . .