Uncomfortably comfortable

The past few months (years?) God has really been working on my heart and mind.  I've wanted to write this blog for that long, but have been overwhelmed as to where to start.  Entire books have been written on the subject and sometimes I wonder if my post has anything to add to the discussion.  I have held on to this post for years because of fear--fear of being misunderstood. Fear of letting my left hand know what my right hand was doing when talking about these issues.

Here are the things I'm thinking:

**I'm uncomfortable with much of American culture.

**I'm uncomfortable with the desire for "more".

What am I doing with these verses?

"I tell you the truth.  Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine [those who are hungry, thirsty, in need of clothes, sick or in prison] you did for me." -Jesus  (Matthew 25:40)
What have I done for Jesus TODAY by helping the hungry, the thirsty, the one in prison, the one in need of clothes? What have I done in the past? What will I do tomorrow?

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.  What good is it for a man to gain the whole world and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"--Jesus (Luke 9:23-25) What does denying myself look like? What if I denied myself the desire to eat out and gave that money to a cause close to Jesus' heart? What if I denied myself a new shirt I really don't need (but want) and clothed someone else?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27 What have I done TODAY to look after widows and orphans in their distress? Have I become polluted by the world? Is my faith accepted by God as pure and faultless?

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."--Jesus (Luke 12:48b) 
I have food to eat and a roof over my head, therefore I have been given much.  Am I giving much? Much has been asked and demanded of me . . . am I doing what I've been told? Am I doing all I've been asked to do or is there more I should be doing?

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."  Philippians 2:3&4 Is my desire to look cute selfish and vain? Am I considering others better than myself when I spend money on my wants (not needs)? Am I looking to the interests of others?

But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?" 1 John 3:17 Does God's love abide in me? Have I closed my heart against those in need? 

"Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters [residents] were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me.  Therefore I did away with them as you have seen."  Ezekiel 16:50 If God destroyed Sodom, in part because the citizens were overfed, unconcerned and didn't help the poor and the needy what does that mean for me?

Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.  Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. Psalm 82:3&4 
Am I defending the cause of the week and fatherless? Am I maintaining the rights of the poor and the oppressed?  Am I rescuing the week and the needy from the hand of the wicked?

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.  Do not say to your neighbor, 'Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow' when you now have it with you.  Proverbs 3:27& 28|
Am I withholding good from those who deserve it? Am I telling those in need to come back later? What have/am I doing TODAY?

He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God." Proverbs 14:31
Am I being kind to the needy by God's standards? Does God see me as oppressing the poor? Not everything I buy is Fair Trade.  Most of the clothes in my closet come from discount stores so I know that they were probably made by slaves.  What does God say about that? [Two of many articles on the issue from Christianity Today and Forbes .  Both have wrecked me (and kept me out of the mall).]

"Love the Lord your god with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" --Jesus  Matthew 22:37-40
Am I loving my neighbor as myself when I take my family out to dinner, but know others can't afford food?  Am I loving my neighbor as myself when I'm spending most of my time, talents and resources on myself?

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do no destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21
Am I more concerned about storing up my treasures on earth (a house worthy of HGTV or Pinterest, fashionable clothes, a nice car, fabulous vacations, etc) than I am about storing up treasures in heaven?

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other.  You cannot serve both God and money."--Jesus  Matthew 6:24
Am I attempting to serve two masters? If push came to shove would I choose God over material comforts?


These are just SOME of the questions I'm wrestling with.  Here's what I know: If I can afford to spend $50 a month on eating out I can afford $38/mo to sponsor a child through Compassion International. If I can afford my son's baseball registration fees I can help a mother & her baby in Kenya through Mercy House.  If I can afford to save for a vacation I can afford $30/month to buy gifts and accessories through Fair Trade Friday to support artisans around the world.

One of my regular prayers is, "God, show us how to be better stewards of what you've given us.  We know EVERYTHING we have is from You.  We know NOTHING we have is for us to hoard for ourselves.  We know You've commanded us to love others.  We know You've demanded much from us, because much has been given to us.  What do you want us to do with what You've given us?"

Money is finite.  I get that, but I also know that love is sacrifice.  What am I sacrificing to show others God's love?

Why I already know what my kids are getting for high school graduation!

Ok . . . my kids are only 8 & 6.  High school graduation isn't for another 10 & 12 years, BUT I already have their graduation gifts purchased! I'm not a "buy Christmas presents on December 23" person, but neither am I a "I have all my gifts purchased in January for next year." person So . . . what would prompt me to buy gifts in March, 2015 or events that won't happen until May, 2025 and May 2027????

A few days ago I was at a luncheon with Moms in Prayer leaders from all over Phoenix area.

We had several speakers who talked about the 4 steps of prayer we use in MIP: Praising God for who He is, Thanking God for what He has giving us, Confession, and Intercession.  While at Moms in Prayer we pray the Scriptures over our kids, their teachers, and their schools.

One of the speakers is now an "empty nester" whose kids aren't in school any longer, but she continues to gather with the same ladies who have been praying for their kids for 20+ years.  This sweet woman has now been "promoted" to grandma.  The woman who spoke to us moms still "in the trenches" said that 3x (one for each of her kids) she put her "regular" Bible down and picked up one for her child.  That Bible was the only Bible she used that year.  As she read through the Bible that year she marked it up with highlights and made notes in it for her child as she prayed the Scriptures for that child.  This woman did this for each of her kids and now plans to do it for each of her grandkids.

The woman said she gave each of her kids their marked up, prayed over, Bible and they now consider it one of their most prized possessions  (along with the quilt she made for each of them of their dad's old shirts, since their dad is now with Jesus).  I absolutely LOVED the idea and decided to do it for each of my kids.   Because my kids are 8 & 6 I don't think they'd truly appreciate the gift at this age, but I was thinking high school graduation would be an amazing time to present it to them!

I heard this on Friday and bought the kids each a Bible on Monday to get this project started.

For my kids I'm modifying it slightly . . . I will still use "my" Bible for things like church where my kids will see it.  I have my kids' new Bibles hidden so that they won't see them, yet.  I know my kids well enough to know that if they see me reading a new one they'll wonder why and I don't want to spill the secret, yet.

I am starting with my 8 year old's Bible since he'll graduate first! I am using a Bible in One Year reading plan on my phone to track my progress.  I am reading in his paper Bible, but am using the app to track my progress and give me a schedule.  Right now my son's Bible is tucked into my nightstand drawer while my daughter's is hidden in my closet.

As soon as I got back from the meeting on Friday I posted the idea on my Facebook page and several friends liked it, and some said they were going to start it.   After I bought the Bibles Monday I shared a picture on Facebook and Instagram of the Bibles I'd purchased.

Over the weekend a friend asked what kids of things I was writing in the Bible.  I'm basically highlighting and taking notes the way I would for myself.  I am also writing notes to my son with the prayers I am praying for him as I read.  For example, after reading Psalm 1 Psalm 1 I wrote "We pray you will not walk in step with the wicked.  We pray your delight will be in God's word.  We pray you will be like a tree planted in streams of water whose leaf does not wither."  Not every prayer will be able to be written out like that, due to space constraints, but that's an example.   As I am reading through Proverbs I am highlighting a lot since there is a lot of wisdom in there :)

I can't think of a better way to send our kids off to college than with the knowledge than seeing what Mom prayed for them as they were growing up.

P.S. If you know my kids . . . PLEASE don't mention this! It's a surprise! 

My Football Dilemma

Well . . . after about a year off I'm back :)  I made a short venture into being self hosted and that didn't work for me so I'm back here at home :)

The NFL season begins its 3rd week tonight.  The Arizona Cardinals are 2-0 and in 1st place in their division.  This weekend the hometown Cards are playing the San Francisco 49ers.  Every year this matchup causes a problem for me.

I was born in Orange County, CA, but moved to San Jose in 1982, when I was in Kindergarten.  We moved back to Orange County in 1988, when I was in 6th grade.  Living in San Jose when I did it became natural  to be a 49ers fan.  Every little boy I knew was Joe Montana for Halloween.  Hearing "Montana to Rice . . . TOUCHDOWN" was routine.

When we moved back to Orange County we were only a few minutes from Anaheim Stadium, where the LA Rams played.  My mom worked at a bank and some of the customers she got to know played for the Rams.  Eventually my sister and I started babysitting for a few of the players' kids.  The only NFL game I've ever been to was courtesy of one of those players.   I felt an obligation to root for the Rams because they were the local team and because I knew some of them.

In 1994 I graduated high school and moved to Phoenix to attend college.  I moved to Arizona with every intention of moving back to CA the minute I had my diploma.  I still considered myself a CA Girl and declared my devotion to the San Francisco 49ers, especially to my friend who was a Cowboys fan :)

Eventually I settled in Phoenix and made it my home.  I married an Arizona native and have accepted the reality that we're pretty much here to stay (every summer I fantasize about moving, but I know the reality is we're here for the long haul).

Somewhere along the line I started becoming more of an Arizonan and less of a Californian, especially when it comes to my football team.  Eventually I started rooting for the Cardinals.  I found myself watching every game and cheering for the hometown team to do well.   While I still wouldn't put myself in the category of some friends who are hard core Cards fans I find myself becoming more of a fan every season.

I still want the 49ers to do well.  I still want them to do well, as long as it doesn't adversely affect the Cardinals (which since they're in the same division everything they do affects the Cardinals).  When the 49ers made their Super Bowl run a few years ago it was a few days until I got over the pain and was able to congratulate my friend who is a Ravens fan.

I'm in a weird gray area.  The Niners were the team I grew up watching and the Cards are my hometown team.

I don't have this problem with baseball.  I was raised an Angels fan, suffered through some HORRIBLE seasons in the late 80's and 90's, but I've always been an Angels fan.  It helps that the D'backs are in the National League so I can have an AL team and an NL team.

So . . .  Sunday I'll be rooting for the Cards, but won't be too upset if the Niners win.

It's the Little Things

Last week was rough.  It was my first week writing for 8 clients and I felt the work load for the first time.  I know part of what was so crazy was the learning curve of the new position, plus learning how to balance working at home with my responsibilities to my family.  I know both things will take an adjustment period and I'll get there :)

Added to that I ended up being a Thirty-One vendor at my son's school on Friday night.  The school was having their annual "Fall Fest" and decided to combine Fall Fest with their Holiday Boutique.  I committed to being a vendor in September, long before I knew I'd be working.

By Thursday afternoon I was a ball of stress. The learning curve at work meant I'd spent 3 entire days on the computer, and away from my family, without having a lot of billable hours to show for it.  I was extremely edgy and frustrated, plus had to get ready for Friday night's event.

All I could think about all week was getting through Friday night . . .

Friday morning I had two things to do and figured I'd knock them out quickly and actually be able to get to the gym for the first time in nearly a month.  Both things took longer than expected, but I was ok with it because one ended up involving an hour long phone conversation with a friend.  The other was a quick errand that turned into a friend making me lunch and getting some time to chat with her.   The two things I thought would be done by 9:30, leaving me 3 hours until I had to pick up my daughter, took me until 12:30 :)  Like I said, it was all good because there was time to chat with friends in there :)

Friday my husband took a half day of vacation so I could start setting up my booth as soon as I picked my son up from school and dropped him off at home.   My husband also took the kids around to play games while I worked.

The evening was not a great business success.  In fact, I didn't make a single sale.  I'm hoping to follow up and be able to get some parties (or at least some orders) from the people who entered my raffle, but otherwise it was pretty discouraging.  My only consolation was that the vendor fee went to my son's PTO, which is pretty fabulous!

At some point during the week I'd asked on Facebook if anybody in my neighborhood wanted to recommend a reasonably priced hair stylist because I hadn't had my hair cut or highlighted in 6mo and it's driving me crazy.  The lady who normally does my hair is about 30 minutes away and only works Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays so it's nearly impossible for me to see her these days because of my kids' school schedules.

At one point during the evening a friend of mine, who is on the school's PTO (also the one who invited me in for lunch when I stopped by to pick a table up from her that morning) asked me how business was going.  I told her it wasn't going well.

A little while later my wonderful friend said, "I bought you a raffle ticket for a hair cut".  I thought it was extremely sweet since she said she'd seen my Facebook post.

As I was loading my Thirty-One display into my car I saw a friend from my Moms in Prayer group that I hadn't seen all year.  I got to spend some time catching up with her and my heart soared.   Being able to talk to her for the first time since last spring felt WONDERFUL and totally made my night.

After we'd talked for about 30 minutes a lady I know from when our sons were in Kindergarten last year came over and said "Congratulations, girl!".  I didn't know what she was talking about.  She told me I'd won the raffle!!!  I had missed the announcement while talking to my friend!  As I walked to the PTO booth to claim it I ran into the PTO/sandwich making/bought me a raffle ticket friend who had already claimed my prize for me since she thought I'd left :)   The night got even better!!!

After I was holding my prize I telling my friend how excited I was and the back story as to why our mutual friend (my sandwich making friend also is from my MIP group) bought me the raffle ticket and I said, "God cares about my hair!"  She reminded me that God knows every hair on my head and I said, "I know! I just didn't know he cared about the COLOR of it!"

By now I was almost giddy because I was able to visit with a friend I hadn't seen in months AND I won the raffle (I'm absolutely one of those "I never win anything" people)

I finally got home and was able to sit down & rest for the first time all day (seemingly the first time all week).  I fell onto the couch, grabbed my phone and started looking at Facebook.  One of the first messages I saw was a post to a friend's wall saying "Auntie Barb says 'Congratulations'".   That definitely made me curious.   I went to my friend's wall and saw a lot of Congratulations messages.  I was able to figure out what had happened . . . SHE GOT ENGAGED!! :)   This friend was one of my flower girls (along with her sister) when I got married in 2004.  Her dad and my husband grew up together.   My husband was at the hospital the day she was born.  She calls my husband "Uncle".   Her dad is a pastor and performed our wedding.  Her mom is a good friend of mine.  Her Great-Grandma's legacy inspires me.  Words can't express how THRILLED I was for her.

I went into the office where my husband was on the computer and told him she'd gotten engaged.  Since he held her the day she was born I knew he'd want to know.  As soon as I told him I went to sit back down.  I hadn't even made my way to the couch when my phone rang.  Caller ID said it was my friend, the soon-to-be-Mother-of-the-Bride.  I picked up the phone saying "Hello Mother-of-the Bride! I just saw on Facebook!"  I was greeted with "Well, actually . . . it's the Bride!"  She had called us herself because she wanted us to know :)   Her mom was able to witness her daughter's engagement so she used her mom's phone after her battery had run out making other calls.

In just an hour my Friday evening went from discouraging to one of the best nights in a long time :)  

Unexpected Blessing

When I was single people used to tell me "The One" would come along when I least expected it.  I didn't believe them, but at a low point in my life, in God's perfect timing,  I met my husband.

My youngest is currently in preschool three mornings a week and will be starting Kindergarten in August, 2014.  From the time we were dating my husband and I agreed on the importance of Mom staying home while the kids were young.  During those early talks (since we started dating at 26 and 36 our conversations on our first few dates sounded more like job interviews talking about everything from money management to disciplining kids) we had talked about Mom working outside of the home once the youngest went to Kindergarten.  (Both of our moms did that)

Once I quit my last job with a paycheck in 2006 to stay home with our oldest I had presumed I'd be heading back to work eventually.  I studied education, but know I don't want to teach full time.  Though it's not necessarily something I want to do, I've long thought that substituting would be the perfect fit for me, where I could have flexible hours and have the same schedule as my kids.

As our youngest has grown my husband and I have talked about my future employment status at length.  As far as my husband is concerned he would be ok if I didn't go back to work because we both think it's important that I'm the one who takes the kids to school, pick them up and is home with them after school.  (We don't have bus service in our neighborhood so someone would have to take them to and from school every day). We also knew that, with most jobs, we would have to scramble for child care on days the kids had early release or school breaks.  When my oldest was in Kindergarten last year I realized how much I enjoyed volunteering in his classroom and seeing what was happening at school with my own eyes so being able to continue that through the years became important as well.

Because I do most of our day-to-day money management I have often wished there was a way for me to bring in some extra income while still being fully available to my family.  Since 2009 I have been a consultant with Thirty-One Gifts, but I haven't been able to do turn that into a steady source of income without taking away from family time in the evenings or weekends.

I wasn't looking for a job last week, but when a friend texted me a few days ago asking me if I'd be interested in working for the same company she does by doing social media marketing from home 10-15 hours a week it became something that felt like the perfect fit.  After talking to my husband, praying about it, and talking to a few other friends who work from home while caring for young kids I decided to persue the position.  I submitted my resume and a writing sample to the owner of the company yesterday afternoon and she offered me the position.  I will start training Friday morning.

This is all very sudden, but it feels absolutely right.  For quite a while I have looked at my friend (who is now my co-worker) and thought "I would love to do what she's doing".  I'm obviously very familiar with social media and have long been fascinated by marketing.  I love to write and started this blog because of that love.

This new adventure will allow me to combine many of the things I enjoy while bringing in an income and not taking away from my responsibilities to my family! It's a win/win/win situation that could only come from God!

I'm praising God for this opportunity and am very excited about seeing where this leads . . .

A Month In . . .

Well . . . it's been about a month since I started going to the fitness center in my neighborhood..   I'm proud to say I've been going most days that my daughter is in preschool and it's becoming a habit!  Some life stuff has prevented me from going every day, but it's progress and a HUGE step in the right direction.

Wednesday I had my worst workout since I began.  Less than 1 mile in I started having problems with my shins, my calves and my hips.  I slowed my walking pace down all the way to 2.7mph for the remaining 15 minutes I had on the treadmill.  I whined all over Facebook about how much it stunk.  I whined on the Heidi's @ Home Facebook page, I whined on Another Housewife's Facebook page and I whined on Twitter. I whined A LOT.

Finally, Jenniemarie from Another Housewife responded to my whines by saying, "Heidi  (said in my most serious mommy voice). Please get go get fitted for shoes. You don't have to buy them there. Just get fitted for what show is best for you and then you can shop around for price. Also get familiar with the term R.I.C.E. (Rest. Ice. Compression. Elevate.) I would suggest purchasing a pair of compression sleeves/socks-they really help. Make stretching a priority-trust me. Most importantly PLEASE, PLEASE do not compare yourself to anyone else. You kept moving for 45 MINUTES, celebrate it. Okay, stepping off my mommy soap box now."

Well . . . because I'm a compliant child I took Jenniemarie's advice.  I went and got fitted for shoes this morning.


I'll be upgrading from doing my workouts in these street shoes


to these actual running shoes!






I'm looking forward to them arriving and some pain free miles on the treadmill!

Persecution

One year ago today an American citizen was imprisoned in Iran.  Saeed Abedini is currently being kept in Evin Prison. In this letter to his wife Saeed describes the conditions he has been experiencing.  Pastor Saeed has been sentenced to 8 years in Evin.

Saeed is a father with young children he has not seen in over a year.  Recently Saeed's daughter received a letter from her dad that has been made public.

Saeed's plight has been a topic of conversation in our home many times in the past year.  Saeed's name is on one of the sticks we pick each night to pray for at the dinner table.  My daughter has been praying for Saeed nightly, just before I tuck her into bed.  Every night she prays, "God help Saeed to get out of jail and help the polices be nicer in Iran."

Today Christians are gathering all over the world for a prayer vigil where they will be praying for Saeed's release.

Saeed is not the only Christian in the world who is being persecuted for his faith.  www.persecution.org is a wealth of information about the ways Christians all over the world are being arrested, tortured and murdered for their faith in Jesus.

Since the earliest days of the Christian church there has been persecution.  Stephen was the first martyr and his murder is described in Acts 7:54-8:3.  In a move only God can do, a Pharisee by the name of Saul was present at Stephen's stoning.  Saul met Jesus on the road to Damascus and his conversion was so dramatic that God changed his name to Paul.   Paul went on to write most of the New Testament and wrote of his own persecution for his faith.

I can't think of Saeed without thinking of the parallels to Paul, including the fact they both came to faith in Christ as adults and have spent their adult lives preaching the Gospel.

As I pray for Saeed I'm reminded of Paul's letter to the church in Philippi.  "Now, I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel.  As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ." Philippians 1: 12-13

Really, I could copy Philippians 1:12-30 as a guidebook on how to handle persecution.   Just as Paul continued to preach the gospel to his captors (a captive audience!) so has Saeed.

As the global church gathers today to pray for Saeed I'm praying for his release and also praying for him to have the strength to endure the conditions he's currently experiencing, knowing God is using his life even in Evin prison.